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Hymie

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Hymie

Secrets of the Trade

Last night my wife and I went to see an illusionist at the local theatre. He was really very good, with an impressive repertoire of tricks and stunts. Being a small theatre, after the illusionist had...
19:52 Thu 05th Jan 20121 answer, last by pjgriffo 19:48 Thu 12th Jan 2012
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Hymie

A fishy tale

A Russian soldier was on a train, sitting opposite a Jew who was eating a fish meal. ‘Why are you Jews so successful in business?’ asked the Russian soldier. ‘Fish,’ replied...
19:52 Tue 03rd Jan 20121 answer, last by marval 21:44 Tue 03rd Jan 2012
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Hymie

Love making positions

While making love to my wife last night, I suggested that we swap positions the following evening – to which she readily agreed. This evening, my wife will be sitting on the couch watching TV,...
14:00 Mon 02nd Jan 20122 answers, last by albaqwerty 15:05 Mon 02nd Jan 2012
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Hymie

Wedding Night II

A newly married couple arranged to spend their wedding night at the bride’s parents’ house before setting off on their honeymoon the following day. However when they had not put in an...
12:54 Sat 31st Dec 20111 answer, last by marval 12:45 Sun 01st Jan 2012
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Hymie

Can’t cook won’t cook

Can someone help me out, I’m no good at cooking. The recipe I’m following here says to separate the eggs. How far apart do they have to be?...
17:45 Fri 30th Dec 20117 answers, last by wildwood 20:11 Fri 30th Dec 2011
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Hymie

Forgetful

Today I did that thing where you walk into a room and totally forget what you went in for. It was only when the sh!t started trickling down my leg that I remembered....
21:22 Thu 29th Dec 20117 answers, last by Hymie 09:16 Fri 30th Dec 2011
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Hymie

Baby Monitor

My wife asked me to go into town and buy a baby monitor. Unable to find any shops selling one – I bought an iguana instead....
13:16 Thu 29th Dec 201112 answers, last by ArrabellaBrass 17:34 Thu 29th Dec 2011
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Hymie

Thermos Flask

While browsing around a department store, a man came across a Thermos flask. Not having seen one before, he asked the assistant what it was for. The assistant explained that it will keep hot things...
21:47 Wed 28th Dec 20113 answers, last by Starbuckone 23:34 Wed 28th Dec 2011
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Hymie

Poverty

When I was growing up, we didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘Poverty’. My parents could not afford to buy a dictionary....
13:13 Wed 28th Dec 20114 answers, last by squarebear 13:25 Wed 28th Dec 2011
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Hymie

Lucky Me

My wife is the exact double of Kelly Brook. Kelly weighs 8½ stone, my wife 17 stone....
16:26 Tue 27th Dec 20113 answers, last by Hymie 20:01 Tue 27th Dec 2011
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Hymie

The Hoff

David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a beer. The bartender said ‘It’s pleasure to serve you, Mr. Hasselhoff.’ ‘Just call me Hoff,’ said the actor....
16:05 Mon 26th Dec 20115 answers, last by luigimag 18:07 Tue 27th Dec 2011
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Hymie

Another Christmas Cracker Joke

Q: What has four legs and flies? A: A dead horse....
13:52 Sun 25th Dec 20116 answers, last by douglas9401 17:29 Sun 25th Dec 2011
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Hymie

Bonus

Q: What is the difference between an insurance no-claims bonus and a banker’s bonus? A: You loose your no-claims bonus after a crash....
09:56 Sun 25th Dec 20111 answer, last by Bumpkin_Clumber 00:05 Sat 10th Mar 2012
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Hymie

Voodoo 2

Replaced words:- I suppose if you ask for a magic wand in a sex shop – that is what you will get....
22:01 Sat 24th Dec 2011
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Hymie

Voodoo

A businessman was getting ready for a long business trip. Knowing that his wife was the flirtatious type with an extremely healthy sex drive – he decided to buy her something that might keep her...
21:50 Sat 24th Dec 20115 answers, last by askyourgran 16:44 Mon 26th Dec 2011
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Hymie

Camels

‘Mummy, Mummy, why do we have such big flat feet?’ asked the baby camel. Being an intelligent mother, she answered that they had wide feet to stop their feet sinking into the desert sand....
21:04 Thu 22nd Dec 20117 answers, last by Slapshot 23:30 Thu 22nd Dec 2011
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Hymie

From When Bill was President

Bill Clinton was walking down the corridors of the White House when he bumped into a girl. ‘Hello, are you new here?’ he asked. ‘Yes,’ she replied ‘I’ve only been...
18:40 Wed 21st Dec 20113 answers, last by Starbuckone 23:26 Wed 21st Dec 2011
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Hymie

Now that Easter eggs are on sale!

Patrick Murphy went for a job interview at his local police station, having applied to become a police officer. Seeing that Patrick was nervous during the interview, the kindly sergeant decides to try...
20:53 Tue 20th Dec 20112 answers, last by missprim 00:36 Wed 21st Dec 2011
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Hymie

Good News/Bad News

The lawyer looked at his client and said ‘I’ve got good news and bad news – your wife has found a picture worth £1 million.’ ‘Well that’s amazing!’...
21:27 Mon 19th Dec 20111 answer, last by wildwood 07:19 Tue 20th Dec 2011
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Hymie

A Change in wind direction

Seeing one of the children making faces at others in the playground, Ms Smith went over to offer friendly advice to the child. Smiling sweetly, she bent down and said, ‘Johnny, when I was a...
20:45 Sun 18th Dec 20112 answers, last by marval 21:28 Sun 18th Dec 2011

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