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MatlockBill

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MatlockBill

Politically correct joke

A post punk community poet and a free thinking radical were walking down the street one day and the poet said beep beep beep beep beep. Haha said the radical and quipped beep beep beep beep beep beep...
13:04 Thu 19th May 20117 answers, last by MatlockBill 13:10 Thu 19th May 2011
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marval

Poem

There once was a third grader named Jimmy. Every time the teacher would say something, Jimmy would say, "How about that!" One day, the teacher said, "And then George Washington crossed...
15:50 Tue 17th May 20114 answers, last by housemouse 13:00 Thu 19th May 2011
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carrust

Trepanning.....

....I need it like a hole in the head..............
11:51 Wed 18th May 20113 answers, last by Old_Geezer 13:49 Wed 18th May 2011
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marval

Cat

A lady was walking her poodle (called "Chu-chu") through Regent's Park zoo. As she was passing the lions' cage one of the beasts passed a paw through the bars and pulled the poor animal...
09:20 Wed 11th May 201111 answers, last by MatlockBill 13:34 Mon 16th May 2011
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wolf63

A Scottish wife

Wee Jimmy had just finished a new book called “How to be the Man of your House” and decided he was taking action. He barges into the kitchen and announces to his wee Scottish wife, Mary,...
14:04 Wed 11th May 20112 answers, last by MatlockBill 13:27 Mon 16th May 2011
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wildwood

Lemon Squeeze

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.' The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'...
04:35 Fri 13th May 20112 answers, last by MatlockBill 13:17 Mon 16th May 2011
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ELVIS68

Neil Lennon...........

If you shout "Neil Lennon" in parts of Glasgow in this day and age there's a good chance you will get stabbed. Yet if you tried it in New York on the 8th December 1980, you would have saved...
22:21 Fri 13th May 20117 answers, last by Euphemia 19:41 Mon 16th May 2011
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ELVIS68

Seve Ballesteros......

The golfing great has been laid to rest in the same grave as his father I guess that makes him one over pa...
21:54 Sat 14th May 201119 answers, last by Bobbisox 13:12 Mon 16th May 2011
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MatlockBill

Curry Night

I had curried pelican at my local Indian restaurant last night. Rather nice, but the bill was enormous.
08:06 Wed 11th May 20117 answers, last by mrs.chappie 00:29 Sun 15th May 2011
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MatlockBill

Turkey

Weasel got a job extracting semen from turkeys. One of the turkeys screamed...gobble, gobble, gobble! Weasel said......you'll have a hand job like all the others.
15:29 Tue 10th May 20115 answers, last by McMouse 08:07 Wed 11th May 2011
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DTCwordfan

Tesco Story - a better one - and a good spoof (just print on paper with an uploaded Tesco brand and mail on)

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband...
15:24 Tue 10th May 20115 answers, last by seadogg 18:10 Tue 10th May 2011
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MatlockBill

Royal Wedding

Harry and William are dancing at the wedding party. Wills says, Great party bro!....Where's Dad? Harry says, well yours wasn't invited but mine is getting a *** in the car park off Kates mum!...
15:10 Tue 10th May 20115 answers, last by piggynose 18:04 Tue 10th May 2011
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MatlockBill

Irish SAS

Apparently the Irish SAS stormed Debenhams over the weekend. They heard Summer Bed Linen was on the third floor.
19:23 Wed 04th May 20119 answers, last by DEN53 15:09 Tue 10th May 2011
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deggers316

indian films

in the last few months my wife and i have taken to watching bollywood type movies,very enjoyable, too but would like to know why the actors talk in Indian (or whatever they call it) and partly in...
17:29 Wed 04th May 201134 answers, last by B00 20:32 Wed 04th May 2011
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mazie

Aftershave..we talked about our Perfume

So which of you men wear Aftershave or cologne? and do women like a man that smells nice...Or do we prefer the Pheromones ?
19:41 Wed 04th May 201131 answers, last by DTcrosswordfan 21:46 Wed 04th May 2011
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MatlockBill

Free items

Free to a good home. No loner needed. Pair of sandals, Kalashnikov assault rifle. Turban. Braun beard trimmer (as new unused).
19:36 Wed 04th May 20116 answers, last by Zebadee 20:23 Wed 04th May 2011
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MatlockBill

Farmyard joke

A donkey and a chicken are on a farm when the donkey falls down a hole. The chicken runs off, steals a BMW and uses it to pull the donkey out on a rope. Next week the chicken falls down the same hole....
19:50 Wed 04th May 20112 answers, last by MatlockBill 19:54 Wed 04th May 2011
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MatlockBill

Liverpool cousins

After the death of Osama Bin Laden Liverpool Constabulary have cracked down hard on the most wanted Scouse terrorists. So far they've nicked Bin Robbin, Bin Dealin, Bin Scrappin but they are still...
19:32 Wed 04th May 20118 answers, last by wildwood 20:38 Wed 04th May 2011

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