My wife packed my bags today after finding out that I had a one night stand with another woman. "I want you to go!" she screamed. I said, "Please can we just talk about it first?" "Go on, I'm...
Sqad wanted to get off work and go golfing, so he approached his assistant. “Ralph, I am going golfing tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take...
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That`s my pager," he says....
My car was parked outside my daughter's BF's bungalow and the sister of the woman in the next door bungalow reversed out of the sister's driveway and bumped into my parked car. We were inside talking...
I just played it in Scrabble and then I thought of the onomatopoeia of that word. Like a Puma on a branch waiting to spring. POUNCE ! The sound of the velvet claws leaping from the gnarled tree ! Do...
Famous interpretations of "Why did the Chicken cross the road?" Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please... Colonel...
A chap accidentally ran over a rooster on a country road late one night. He felt bad, so he went up to the nearby house, knocks on the door and says to the old farmer: "Sir, I just ran over your...
Johnny's English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So, it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Johnny handed in a poor paper. "This is the...
You'd never believe it, but I bumped into a famous stuntman in a motorcycle shop the other day. He was complaining because he couldn't decide whether to buy a bike with a high top speed but poor...
Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar...
A family of three lived in a small farm: the parents and a kid. One day dad went off to work and mom told the boy what his chores were for that day: First feed the pigs, then put the chickens back in...
Every day a peddler pulled his cart of wool from his home to the village market. It was a long trip. He had to travel around the perimeter of a large lake that was owned by the town tycoon, a...
A man walks into a bank and approaches a loan officer. He says to the loan officer, “I need to borrow £50,000 to help get my invention off the ground.” The banker replies, “Well, that’s a lot...
An Emergency Call Centre worker has been dismissed from her job, much to the dismay of colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with her treatment. It seems a male caller dialled 999 from a mobile phone...
Nursery Rhyme Quiz £1 Closing date 15th June 2013 Mrs K Valentine 34 Hartington Street Dalton in Furness Cumbria LA15 8HS Money raised for Jack & Jill Playgroup. Cheques payable to Jack and Jill...
Four men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, one of them died. The other three decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The first man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his...
1. Grow your own dope - plant a man. 2. Okay Ralph ..... let me 'splain it to you again. You're big, I'm little: BUT!!!! - You're dog, I'm cat .... that makes me the boss! Got it? 3. With age, comes...
What do you call a man with a number plate on his head?...........Reg
What does his mother call him?.................R Reg
Sadly, Reg has just passed away, he is now............X Reg...
