Quizzes & Puzzles54 mins ago
What Time?
What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."
A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer.
In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked.
"What did you take?" his priest asked.
"Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."
"This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?"
"No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber."
A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Von Bernuth, and sat down to explain his problem.
"Doctor, doctor!" he started.
"No need to repeat yourself, my good man," replied the doctor.
"One 'doctor' is enough."
"Yes, well, you see, I've got this problem," the man continued.
"I keep hallucinating that I'm a dog. A large, white, hairy Pyrenees mountain dog. It's crazy. I don't know what to do!"
"A common canine complex," said the doctor soothingly. "Come over here and lie down on the couch."
"Oh no, Doctor. I'm not allowed up on the furniture."
It was the day of the big sale.
Rumours of the sale and some advertising in the local paper were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30 in the morning in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curses.
On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don't open the store!"
There were two old men, one a retired professor of psychology and the other a retired professor of history.
Their wives had talked them into a two week stay at a hotel in the country.
They were sitting around on the porch of the hotel watching the sun set.
The history professor said to the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"
To which the professor of psychology said, "Yes, I think it's the wicker chairs."
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."
A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer.
In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked.
"What did you take?" his priest asked.
"Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."
"This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?"
"No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber."
A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Von Bernuth, and sat down to explain his problem.
"Doctor, doctor!" he started.
"No need to repeat yourself, my good man," replied the doctor.
"One 'doctor' is enough."
"Yes, well, you see, I've got this problem," the man continued.
"I keep hallucinating that I'm a dog. A large, white, hairy Pyrenees mountain dog. It's crazy. I don't know what to do!"
"A common canine complex," said the doctor soothingly. "Come over here and lie down on the couch."
"Oh no, Doctor. I'm not allowed up on the furniture."
It was the day of the big sale.
Rumours of the sale and some advertising in the local paper were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30 in the morning in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curses.
On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don't open the store!"
There were two old men, one a retired professor of psychology and the other a retired professor of history.
Their wives had talked them into a two week stay at a hotel in the country.
They were sitting around on the porch of the hotel watching the sun set.
The history professor said to the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"
To which the professor of psychology said, "Yes, I think it's the wicker chairs."
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