Dear Connie

[marval]

Dear Connie,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that.

But now I see that my pride cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.

Nothing feels the same without you.

Honestly, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. Everything I do just reminds me of you.
Do you remember Carol? that single mum we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story.

Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Because I can't help thinking, I miss you.

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is.
So we're having a drink in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.

Otherwise, can you let me know where the *** remote is?

Love, Bill

[maggiebee]

Oh Lordy, my keyboard is covered in tea now! Love it.

[marval]

Glad you like it Maggie, sorry about your keyboard.

[paddyk]

I know you've had to tone this joke down a bit from the original version so as not to offend some of the more priggish people on here - but it's still deserves 5 stars !!

[hereIam]

LOL, brilliant !

[paddyk]

I could put the original uncensored version on - but it would get deleted after about 60 seconds and I would get banned from the Answerbank (again !!!)