I Was

marval | 23:30 Fri 25th Jan 2019 | Jokes

2 Answers

I was on Facebook earlier looking back at some pictures from my honeymoon. I tried to load one with us topless on the beach, and it said “Fetching photo.” I thought, “Aw, thank you very much.”

I was at the bus station the other day when I saw a phone which said “Do not use for 999 calls”. “Great”, I thought, “I only need to make 998.”

Customer service at my local McDonald’s is far better since they had that straw Pole. She puts out sugar and serviettes as well.

I have been laying on my front for the past three hours. The article in the paper said ‘turn over for more’, but so far I have got nothing.

I have just got a random text that read “You still got it?” So I looked in the mirror, pointed at my reflection and gave myself a sly nod. I then realised the message was probably about the car I am selling.

I watched that film ‘Zoolander’ last night. I was very disappointed. I was expecting it to be like ‘Highlander’ except with Giraffes.

I gathered a crowd round me and said to one of them, “OK, pick a card, any card.” That was my first and last day working for Clintons.

I was at the casino last night and I only put chips on the numbers 2,4,6 and 8 on the roulette wheel. I was against the odds.

I went to court on suspicion of arson. They asked me quick fire questions.

I took my partner on a round the world trip last year. I asked him where he wants to go this year and the stupid man said, “Somewhere else.”