Quizzes & Puzzles1 min ago
And now for the good news
A few days ago, we mentioned bad news. Does anyone have any amusing news to tell? I can start with a few from my own collection.
A German tourist was arrested in Miami and served 9 months in prison. He told aircrew that he needed to use the toilet, but used a German expression that meant he was about to blow up.
A 92-year-old man was thrown out of his local club for fighting.
An Indonesian was fined 4,000 bricks for adultery, but was allowed to pay 2,600 bricks down and the rest by instalments. His bicycle was ordered to be dismantled to prevent him repeating the offence in other villages.
A cleaner who tried to taxi an aircraft to a water tap, lost control and demolished the hangar.
A man was found sitting in his car covered in blood. He had been picking his nose when he was hit from behind, ramming his finger further up his hooter.
After a joker sent in bogus forms, a vicar received three tax demands addressed to God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost.
A man killed another man for belching over the telephone.
A police crackdown on burglars was so successful that about 50 were placed on a waiting list to be arrested later.
An armed robber was mugged after running from a bank.
A public library received an offer from American Express to issue a card. The letter began 'Dear Mr Library'.
A German tourist was arrested in Miami and served 9 months in prison. He told aircrew that he needed to use the toilet, but used a German expression that meant he was about to blow up.
A 92-year-old man was thrown out of his local club for fighting.
An Indonesian was fined 4,000 bricks for adultery, but was allowed to pay 2,600 bricks down and the rest by instalments. His bicycle was ordered to be dismantled to prevent him repeating the offence in other villages.
A cleaner who tried to taxi an aircraft to a water tap, lost control and demolished the hangar.
A man was found sitting in his car covered in blood. He had been picking his nose when he was hit from behind, ramming his finger further up his hooter.
After a joker sent in bogus forms, a vicar received three tax demands addressed to God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost.
A man killed another man for belching over the telephone.
A police crackdown on burglars was so successful that about 50 were placed on a waiting list to be arrested later.
An armed robber was mugged after running from a bank.
A public library received an offer from American Express to issue a card. The letter began 'Dear Mr Library'.
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They're very good Grunty, this was a news Item in an American paper, so technichally speaking, it can go on here.
E-MAIL CONFUSION.
From the United States, comes the following story, which reinforces the need to get E-Mail addresses correct.
After being nearly snowbound for two weeks, during the winter, a Seattle man, bound for Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day, at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking forward to some warm, pleasant weather, and enjoying a break from the children. Unfortunately, there was a mix up at the departure gate, and the man was informed he would have to travel on a later flight. On arrival, he found Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and the weather was as uncomfortably hot, as Seattles was cold. The receptionist gave him a message that his wife would arrive later in the day. He could hardly wait to get to the pool, so he hurriedly sent his wife an E-mail, but because of his haste, made an error in the address. As a result, his message arrived at the home of an elderly widow, whose preacher husband had been buried the day before. The grieving widow opened her E-mail, took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream, and promptly had a heart attack. When her family found her the next day, the following message was still on the screen. 'Dearest Wife, departed yesterday, as you know, just now checked in, some confusion at the gate. Appeal denied. Recieved confirmation of your arrival. Your loving husband. PS, things are not as we thought. You will be surprised at how hot it is down here'.
in today's news - and it's genuine:
Nashville police and residents were searching on Monday for clues to the Christmas Day theft of a cinnamon bun that found unlikely fame for its resemblance to the late Mother Teresa’s face.
The bun has been a draw for curious tourists since it was preserved and put on display in a glass case at the shop where it was discovered by a customer in 1996.
"What I can’t figure out is why anyone would steal it," said the shop’s owner, Bob Bernstein. "They can’t sell it on eBay, it’s not fit to eat, there was no ransom note and the police put its value at only $25 on their report." Bernstein said the thief broke into the coffee house at 6 a.m. on Sunday, and had smashed the glass case containing the bun, ignoring cash lying nearby.
Before her death in 1997, Nobel Peace Prize winner Mother Teresa wrote to Bernstein asking that her name not be used commercially. The pastry became known simply as the "Nun Bun".
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