What is wrong with me?

[sair5412]

I am probably getting annoying but i don't know where else to turn (i.e- to real people who can give free advice and insight).

You may or may not have noticed I ask a few questions on diets and eating patterns.

Well after 7 years of being obsessed, i went to the doctors yesterday and described my symptoms because i am so fed up. She gave me a prescription for Prozac (even though i don't feel 'depressed' as such) and told me to come back in a month, but never actually explained what is wrong with me.

Basically i explained that I simply cannot eat 3 meals a day. It is virtually impossible. I either eat loads and feel guilty and angry at myself or i starve myself for days and feel proud of myself and strong and then i seem to develop a fear of being near food in case i 'attack' it. I know i can't go on like this. I don't think i am anorexic or bulimic (i as do eat and i don't make myself sick).

Here is a typical example:
Monday: 8am bowl of porridge
12.30 Chicken salad, snack a jacks, yoghurt..... (followed on to...)
Slice of wholemeal toast & butter, Crunchie bar, cream egg, another 2 slices of toast.

Then i decided i had had enough and wasn't hungry for dinner. Then I seemed possessed and had (sorry this is gross) bowl of coco pops, 4 bread rolls and dip, 4 rashers bacon, naan bread, packet crisps, 3 mr kipling lemon slices. Then i felt terrible and stupid.

Since then i have eaten an apple and a banana. I am too frightened to have anything because it will happen again. I have to shut my stomach down or it will eat everything. The thought of getting fat scares me.

I just want to know what is wrong with me and then i can look for ways to help myself. I've taken the first step and seen the doc, but what next? What is my problem?

Thank you for any help/advice/support. x

[dot.hawkes]

Your diet is dictated by a lot of factors, if you have a physically demanding job you will need energy and you will get that from food. An appetite is a strange thing and can be affected by our mood, hormonal changes, lifestyle, emotions. If you have a history of over worry about your eating habits though, so much so that you have been to see the doctor about it, maybe you are actually developing an eating disorder, but before you panic, i would just step back and think that maybe there is a woryy you have that is being pushed to one side and you are focusing on something physical that you can control at will, rather than the real issue that is lurking buried.

[mifta]

Hi
It could be you are suffering from an anxiety disorder as obsessive behaviour and anxiety are closely linked. I have not seen any of your previous posts but the fact that you have indicated you have posted quite a few questions could be an indicator of this.

On a personal level, I have suffered with anxiety disorder in the past and I have also experienced similar eating patterns. I was never prescribed medication for the eating part but I have taken prozac and it worked wonders for me. After a couple of weeks taking it I was unable to focus on the spiralling thoughts I had and the constant anxiety that I had previously felt. Stick with them, but remember that you will not feel the benefits of taking them for a couple of weeks yet.

Best of luck.

[sair5412]

Thanks for your reply dot. There is a possibility with what you have said. Things have been very turbulant for me for the past 6 years and maybe this is a control thing as i feel good when i am starving (apart from being hungry). Then when i 'lose it' i feel bad. The same cycle happens every week but the past month 4 out of the week have been starvation days. I never managed more than 2 before. In my mind, i have done better on my starvation days (than before) as i have eaten less. My starvation days last week consisted of at least one bowl of porridge and a peice of fruit so i didn't 'do as well' as this week. I'm worried that my control is getting out of control but then i am too scared to let myself relax.

[makemesmile]

I think you need to go back to your doctor and have another chat. Food is obviously causing you some anxiety which may be helped by the Prozac, but it seems to be that some counselling/therapy may also help you.

Have a think about how food and the whole business of eating (healthily) makes you feel. Jot a few things down if you think your mind might go 'blank' when seeing your GP.

I'm sure there's help out there for you, it's just a matter of find the right help.

Unfortunately, GP's often don't have the time to go into what the roof cause of an emotional problem can be.

I'm not saying don't take the Prozac, it helps a lot of people, but you don't sound convinced that it might be appropriate for you. Go back and ask why your doctor thinks it might benefit you, and if there are any other ways in which you could be helped - either instead of or inconjuction with medication.

You sound at the end of your tether - hang in there, I'm sure you can be helped.

[Eve]

Don't take too much notice of the labels hon, focus on the issues that you have and you believe need deaing with.

It's great you're realised that you may have issues with your attitude towards food and it's a postive step to trying to deal with them and getting towards a point where you can tackle them.

Finding a good doctor who will listen is a must. Is there someone else you could see at your surgery, could you ask if there is a doctor there who has more experience in this kind of area to get the most benefit from your appointment?

You might find this site helpful...

http://www.edauk.com/Home

x

[makemesmile]

dot and mifta put it all much better than me, but the eating is probably a sympton of some other worry/anxiety.

I have some eating problems, and I used to think that food/eating healthily must be a real problem for me. But now I'm addressing my depression and other emotional issues, I'm finding that my eating is slowly settling down.

I put off taking anti-depressants for over two years, but when I had no choice, I took them. And I wish I'd done it from the start.

There is hope. It may take you a while (you've been wrestling with it for 7 years) but it can improve.

[snagged]

Hi sair5412... I'm in no way qualified at all but you seem to have an eating disorder of sorts... is bordom a factor in all this? i.e. do you eat to fill 'empty' time (for example Monday evenings 'binge')... and I'm sure you already know this, but not having eaten 'anything' since Monday apart from two pieces of fruit is not going to help you to deal with any of this either - mentally or physically... you must be feeling strange/lightheaded by now? (Thursday eve)... In my opinion - for what it's worth - you need to re-establish a regular eating pattern... could a close friend, partner or family member help you with this? Also recognise this: the fact you have been to the doctor and been brave enough to come on AB and share your problem at least means you recognise there is a problem - the first step in moving on? Again, I say I'm not qualified 'at all' but being put on Prozac and being told to 'come back in a month' by your doctor seems pretty slack to me... hopefully you'll get more specific/helpful advice from more knowledgable ABers... good luck... and eat something tonight... even if its more fruit! :o)

[##Wardy##]

Ermmmmmmmmm, I have a few questions. Are you physically well? Obviously their are pyschological issues, but are you overall well? i.e do you sleep OK, go to the loo OK?, have a fur-less tongue, acceptable skin etc?

If yes, then is there really any need to worry? yes the problems need to be addressed, but unlike anorexia and bulumia, there are no great risks in eating loads and then starving. Not ideal, but not drastic. If you think about it most mammals do the exact same thing in the wild.

However, if you are physically sufferring, then address the issue ASAP.

Further, throw away the Prozac. I have been vilified on here many times for taking a blase attitude, to depression etc but in my humble opinion there are only two things you can do. That is 1) Deal with it or 2) Don't deal with it.

The choice is yours and all medicaton will do will offset the feelings of depression NOT tackle the route cause. That, my dear, is locked away deep in your brain somewhere.

[dot.hawkes]

that is what i said wardy, and another thing, sair thinks we are 1) real people and 2) we give free advice, what are you charging per hour these days/ i charge a set fee of �80 per hour for consultations but there is a free pen with 'i have been zapped by ab but i am sane now' written on it.

[bobtheduck-]

does medication like Prozac not just mask the real problem and is a way for the doctor to get you out of his surgery when he/she doesnt really know how to deal with it?

[makemesmile]

I'm sorry Wardy, everyone is entitled to their own opinion but you shouldn't advise someone to go against their doctors advice without knowing all the facts.

sair5412, if you don't want to take the medicine you've been prescribed, then discuss it with your doctor.

[sair5412]

I feel ok coz the hunger (stomach rumbling) has gone now.

I don't eat through bordom, i don't know what it is.

I live on my own with my 4 year old son. I feel so bad that i don't eat with him at mealtimes, I clean up or sit with him and chat. I am ashamed to say that the past 3 days i have had to sit on the stairs just outside the kitchen so i can still talk to him and hear him but i am scared to be in the same room in case i eat his food (or any food). I know it will affect him, me behaving like this. I am a good mum to him in every other way and if i could help this then i would. Please don't think bad of me and that i am going to damage my son. I have already 'shocked' myself into this fact without others telling me.

[snagged]

DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED... you have done nothing wrong... you have an illness - and with the correct help and care you 'will' get through it... when you're feeling low it's hard to be positive but you will get through it... and be stronger as a result!!

[sair5412]

I agree with the prozac thing. I don't want my problems masked because they will still be there if/when i ever come off them. I don't really want to take them but the doctor thinks that will help. I have seen another doctor and he said the same. When i said i didn't want to take them he asked me if i wanted to get better or not. I thought maybe i was in denial and best do what the professionals thought.

Wardy, it is a problem for me because it is affecting my whole life and probably my sons at some point. Animals fast for days but i'm sure they aren't crawling past nuts (or whatever!) and thinking... "NO! I mustn't! I'll put weight on"! Like i am. It is a struggle.

I don't sleep well and I have IBS.

[Eve]

It's ok hon, it's a very brave thing for you to come on and admit that.

Any change to your medication should be taken after discussion with your doctor only.

Is there a friend or family member you could confide in and who could give you some support?

[DaisyD]

Well done for going to the doc - very brave! Its really good that you're trying to get help.
However, it sounds like your doctor didn't talk things through with you very well. Prozac is serious stuff and it can be addictive-please be careful, get some information on Prozac (maybe ask to see a different doctor?) and only take it if you think its right for you.
Maybe it would be useful to get some counselling? Your doctor can refer you, or there may be a free counselling service at your work/college or local community centre.
Lots of people have issues with food (I have known several), this doesn't mean there's anything 'wrong' with you - it just means you need to work out what is triggering the behaviour, and then get back in control.

[sair5412]

Jenna, i can't talk to anyone i know about it because i am too embarrssed. Also, i don't want to feel like i am being watched everytime i eat something or don't eat something. I think it would possibly make me worse.

[snagged]

Would talking to someone not related/close to you be easier? as mentioned above already... hard though it will be initially, communicating how you feel is one of the first steps... easy for me to say I know, but if you don't talk about it, how will anyone be able to help?

[sair5412]

I'd rather talk to people i don't know. e.g my doctor, councellor (if poss, i will ask), people on here (thank you, i will try not to get on your nerves!!!!), People who can't watch me, until i feel stronger and more in control.

I may mention it to my mum although we're not that close.

[oopsydoopsy]

Hi sair 5412.

prozac is an apptite suppressant qualities - i would imagine that your gp has prescribed it for 2 reasons :-
1) to relieve your anxiety towards food a little and to help elevate self esteem
2) to help relieve your feelings to binge and thus regulate your appetite and help to balance your intake.
Go back to gp's if you are not happy taking medication, however i can understand, if your feelings are as intense as you describe, the reason for the prescription.

I hope that you are successful in whatever you choose. personally, i would be tempted to try it.
you may find that it helps to alleviate your problem quite quickly and you will sit at the same table as your son in no time.
Good luck x