best way to deal with someone with an OCD...

[joko]

should you just go along with it, abiding by their wishes, not complaining etc

or confront it, show them its over the top and petty and go along with it but challenge it too

or just outright challenge it and refuse to do it?

(boyf is ocd about cleaning, but moans a lot about me washing up or wiping down mess or taking plates to the kitchen etc - he will say take your plate out the minute the last mouthful goes in...he watches me cook, huffing about and wiping and moving things into the sink etc, while im still cooking, wants me to wash up even one pan before i eat etc...generally just obsessed with the kitchen, and has a 'way' with everything)

at the moment i do the middle one... i do it but i do it my way and dont jump to orders and pull him up on them...i realise its not his 'fault' exactly but its quite tedious...

am i handling it correctly?

[pastafreak]

Let him do all the cooking and washing up.

He sounds a control freak...not sure it is OCD.

[jd_1984]

Most women would kill for a partner like that LOL!!
From your list, option 2 I guess but I dont know much about the disorder i.e treatments or counselling available etc..

[society]

From my experience people with OCD can get on ones nerves so I stay away from them as much as I could. I tend to lose my patients...

[milly143]

My bf's Mum is exactly the same way. Everything has to be cleared up the second you have used it. Washed, dried and put away.

In our house it's totally different. We eat, the dishes get piled up in the kitchen for a few hours until someone can be bothered to wash up and then they usually get left to dry on their own.

It's drives me nuts at her house and I always want to have a go and point out that if a bowl is left on the side the world will not end but I suppose as it is her house it has to be respected. If it was someone I lived with I woud leave things on purpose to get on their nerves. But I'm quite childish. ;o)

[joko]

i do tell him to do it himself...but then he moans that i leave everything for him to do...even occasionally 'totting up' how much he did an how much i did...weird...

im the same at mine milly i hate housework so not bothered if theres a few plates or mess...lifes too short...

he hasnt always been like that...at least i dont think so...its since he got his own nice flat...he just loves it being all nice, and hes got a bit fanatical about it.
though his mum knows about it so maybe hes always had tendencies.

[ummmm]

I'm pretty much like that in the kitchen and I haven't got OCD. Just find it much easier to cook if it's clean and tidy around me.

[smudge]

Our friend's husband used to be like that milly. You'd still be drinking your mug of tea, &/or finishing off the crumbs from cheese on toast & the plate was whisked off to the kitchen to be washed & dried! It drove our friend potty, but she stuck by him & all his OCD ways!

I certainly couldn't!

[smudge]

Well p'raps not OCD, but she did mention that herself to us!

I'm a very clean, tidy person & can't stand clutter, but would at least wait until visitors have gone before I venture out into the kitchen to make it spick & span again!

[woofgang]

Depends....has he had an actual diagnosis or is that your opinion?
You say his flat as though you don't live together?
Assuming he doesn't change, where is the relationship going, ie can you put up with it?
I mean if you don't live together then you might compromise by saying in your flat your rules, in my pace my rules but what if you move in together.
I don't think you can handle it. You are unlikely to change him and he is unlikely to change you...live with it or walk.

[pastafreak]

Mealtimes should be relaxing...but can't be if tidiness is foremost. Tell him that as long as you are sitting at the table,he is not to remove plates,unless he asks first. Otherwise,it's bordering on rudeness.

[ummmm]

So would I smudge...but I'm constantly wiping and washing up while I'm cooking. Then I fill the sink (luckily a big belfast sink) with hot soapy water and anything I could get washed before I served gets put in there. Then as soon as we finish dinner I load the dish washer...clean up and mop the floor.

[woofgang]

umm if your family is happy with that then no problem.

[smudge]

Yep, you sound just like me then ummmm! I have to clean & tidy as I go along, that way there's much less to do after eating! And r-e-l-a-x!

[ummmm]

Yeah we're happy woof....because he doesn't come in the kitchen when I'm cooking unless I've asked him to.

[smudge]

Same here!

[joko]

thats not really the same though ummm...lots of people do that so that they can continue cooking...i do it too if i find i have a minute waiting for somehting to brown or somehting...

he worries and watches and follows and tells me to do it now etc...

[smudge]

No, I really couldn't cope with that joko! It would soon drive me away....!

[cazzz1975]

If you dont do it he will do it, its a disorder, confronting him and showing him how over the top it is and petty is fruitless, he has probably been this way for most of his life.

he is critical about your ability to clean because this disorder in ingrained and he has no confidence in someone completing these tasks to the same standard as himself. Even if you did do a good job he would struggle to not get involved or be critical of the completed work.

[jno]

disorders are disorders; confronting people about them is about as much use as confronting them over having back pain or red hair. You could try compromising, doing things his way or your way on alternate weeks, but if he's genuinely got a disorder rather than just being a control freak, I can't see him managing it.

How much is this actually a problem? I'd be inclined as some have suggested to just let him get on with it; there are worse things than having a compulsive house cleaner. But if it's really irritating you, and he can't change, then I guess you either persuade him to seek treatment or you consisder whether the aggravation is more trouble than the relationshiip is worth.

[joko]

its annoying at the time, but soon forgotten...til the next meal

if i could just let him get on with it, i would...would suit me no end...but he wont just get on with it...he expects me to pull my weight...and i do...but as has been noted...its still not good enough...he will find fault somehow...

i suppose he can be a bit controling in other ways too...mostly to do with cleanliness though....but i think this is more than that...
he is constantly rearranging furniture, tabletop items, kitchen goods etc etc...

i have tried to get him to buy a cheap worktop dishwasher...itd stop most of the hassle...as he had one in his old place and never moaned about dishes etc..

the hoovering thing stemmed from the new carpets throwing up mountains of brown fluff...it took ages to get rid of it...constantly hoovering for months..and hes never sort of stopped...he only hoovers once day though...but has to do before breakfast or shower etc....

i dotn agree its the same as hair colour or pain..those things are out of your control...but this behaviour can be modified...he can learn to let it go...