Am I right to be upset?

[buffymad]

I need an agony aunt!

Long story, but I'll try and keep it short ... my husband and I have been married for 12 years but have been together for 20 years. We're very happy, very together and have total trust in each other. Ever since I met him he'd only worked with other men (and an old woman!). He's changed jobs in the last year or so and is now working with more women. They're all very chatty and nice - I've met them all, I'm totally fine with them and they're a good laugh. Because of the work (animals), they're always texting each other and this now includes my husband. Still fine with that. But then some texts are more "chatty". All still fine - but now I'm feeling a bit upset because he doesn't necessarily text me so much. I've mentioned it to him - that I felt a bit sad that they seemed to be getting more attention than me - say if one of them texts him while he's with me (at home or in the pub or wherever), he will stop and reply to them. But then he's said he'd reply straight away if it was one of the lads texting him too. He doesn't always answer my texts (he says) while at work because he can speak to me about them when he gets home. Which is true - but then I like getting texts and the fact that he'll be "chatty" with female co-workers and not with me is what was upsetting me! Also, he's met one of the girls to walk dogs together (both our dog and her dog are a bit anti-social so this was to try and get them used to each other). He asked if I was okay with that before doing it and I said yes - but I wasn't really! To be honest I was jealous that she was getting "social" time out with him while I was at work. I told him all this and he thinks I'm being silly and shouldn't be getting upset. From his side I've got nothing to worry about. I was just trying to make him understand the way I was feeling and trying to make him see it from my point of view - you know, how would he feel if it was me meeting a bloke from w

[Bbbananas]

I think you're overreacting - but it's only natural. I don't think you have anything to worry about; he's being very upfront with you and I think he's right when he says he's treating his male and female colleagues alike. The only thing I think might be a tad worrying is the dogwalking - no problem with that, and at least he's told you - can't you suggest that you join them on the dogwalking sessions - if they happen at present when you're at work, suggest changing the time so you can go with them - say you want to get more exercise yourself and if you join them it makes sense - the dogs get walked, you all get exercise and a mutual chat.

It does sound as though he understands your concerns and is trying to placate them - but I think it takes a woman to understand how another woman might feel.

You sound a happy couple and I hope you both stay that way - there's nothing you've said to suggest that won't be the case, but if I were you I would try and muscle in on those dogwalking sessions!!

[pericat]

You are entitled to your feelings and you should insist your husband listen to you. Don't let him make you feel silly you are not.

[Mcvj]

You two have been together for a long time and have essentially become comfortable with your routine. Now that your husband has essentially gained a bit of a life outside of your normal routine I think that you are slightly jealous and concerned of his feelings for you.

He clearly still loves you and has nothing that he wants to hide from you so please dont get worried. Why don't you see this as an opportunity to do something for yourself? The more confident that you are in yourself the happier that you will feel for him, at the moment it sounds like you have quite low self-esteem. I would take a class or something and meet some new friends!

Hope this helps xx

[Sqad]

He finds you boring and unexciting and he finds his new female workmates fresh and entertaining.

This syndrome is well known and is called MARRIAGE.

Will he have an affair?.......probably.

[tamborine]

We take those nearest for granted.....like me being on here instead of chatting to my own kith & kin.

We bounce our thoughts off strangers to get a wider opinion. Your OHs world has widened as ours have thru the internet......its the follow-up that needs control.

Your world is wider by telling us this problem and while he's texting colleagues you're sending us pixels on here - no harm......unless?

[pericat]

Good point tamborine - buffymad is entitled to her feelings and whether they are agreed with or not you have to address them and sort things out or they will eat away at you. Some sort of compromise is always good

[Sqad]

puma.....;-)

[TheEqualizer]

Hi buffymad

I would'nt try and find fault where there is none!!

You've been happily married 12 years and known him 20, so just enjoy being with him as he does being with you.

Overreacting??......yes, probably....but talk to him for reassurance if you need it.

And have many other happy years together!!

All ther best

yogi x

( and i'm not a guru, but a lovable cuddly bear, ok??)

[Sqad]

"You've been happily married 12 years and known him 20, so just enjoy being with him as he does being with you."

Yogi....that is her version of the situation, I wonder how he would describe it?

[pericat]

Not biting LOL

[Sqad]

peri....how about a kiss then?.....;-)

[TheEqualizer]

Very good point, squiddly..........may not be two-way!................only the hubby canl answer that, eh?

[Bbbananas]

You rotters - I'm sure you're not helping reassure poor Buffy.

[Sqad]

buffy, my darling, you have nothing to worry about, after 20yrs, he still loves you and would NEVER taste or attempt to taste the forbidden fruit.

Feel reassured.

[Sqad]

vibra.

"you women wonder why we have affairs - jeez"