Little girl and our pet cat

[ruthandsam]

Hi

My 4 year old daughter is usually well behaved apart from when she's tired. She attends pre-school at her nursery. She's been with the nursery since she was 1 year of age and now attends both the nursery and pre-school at primary school as well.

We've noticed that since she has started at the primary school her behaviour has been very trying. This is especially when she is with our pet cat. Pulling her ears, chasing her until she runs and hides. Tonight she shut the washing machine door on the cat's tail and is trying to hit her with a belt.

I've tried time out on the silly step. Telling her off. Taking away toys that she loves, etc. Even watching programmes about animals and how we must look after them and praising her for when she is good with the cat. My daughter has numerous scratches on her arms as the cat tries to defend herself but my daughter still doesn't stop the behaviour. I'm at a loss what to do next. Any ideas would be most welcome as it feels like the cat is being terrorized and it is very upsetting.

Many thanks

[society]

"and now attends both the nursery and pre-school at primary school as well. "

Perhaps she's tired. I know of kids who behaves similarly when tired.

[ganesh]

I think that it is more serious than the 'silly' step and you really need to stop this violent behaviour.As she is 4,not 2,you can talk to her and she will understand surely. You will have to threaten her with things that she loves doing and expects to do,like 'no park today' because 'you hurt the cat',or no 'chocolate' for a week because' you chased the cat.'Whatever it takes.Hate to say it but 'in my day' a slap and no supper would have done the trick!!

[ruthandsam]

Thanks Society. Whilst I was typing in the question it struck me that it probably is tiredness and change of routine but this is the 3rd week of it. Maybe we are expecting too much too soon from her.

Thank you!

[clipclop1]

Hi Ruthandsam,
This does sound very trying indeed! I work with young children as a profession and my only advice I can offer is to keep on with a particular method of discipline... I may have rwad wrong but it sounds as if you are tryin various things as punishment when really, all you need is one and make sure you follow through each and every time she misbehaves. Our method at the Playgroup I manage is... they get a warning for their bad behaviour, if they continue then they will be put in 'time out' ( which is away from the immediate situation) and given a FIRM explanation of why they are there, i.e... you are here because you didnt listen and hurt the cat, then walk away and blank the child. They MUST stay in that specific area for 1 min per every year of their age, if they get up from that spot before this time is completed... then they get taken back each and everytime with no communication whatsoever, when they complete the 'time out' then another explanation is required so as to remind them of exactly what they did and then an apology is required, if they dont apologise then another 4 mins (for your childs age) is dished out, and so on until you get the desired positive behaviour. Hope this makes sense! She may also be over tired from doing long days where she'll be required to concentrate longer on specific tasks at nursery.

[ganesh]

You're making excuses for her behaviour and I feel very concerned for your cat. Unless you nip this in the bud it's going to get seriously injured.

[237SJ]

I`m no expert by a long shot but it seems to me as if she has observed some sort of hierachy amongst the kids at primary school and is trying to replicate that behaviour at home with the cat. It might be worth having a word with the teachers to see what kind of atmosphere prevailes at the school.

[pastafreak]

I don't think anyone is making excuses for the child's behaviour...but are looking for reasons. The fact that all this co-incides with now attending BOTH pre-school and nursery would make me also think that she is over-tired.
As for 'a slap and no supper'...how is punishing violence with violence going to work?

[woofgang]

Sorry but she goes to Pre school, school and nursery at age 4 and you wonder if she 's tired........can you say "exhausted"? Poor cat.....poor child

[ruthandsam]

Thanks Ganesh for your answer. Yes, 'in my day as well' although my Dad got a bit carried away with it - sorry, that's not the issue.
I can think of a few things that she would definitely miss if taken from her as punishment.
I'll give it a go.

Thank you!

[ganesh]

I am not suggesting your daughter is tortured or really brutally hurt,as you well know,and this is another argument.I do not condone violence but we often got a slap on the bum for doing something bad and it worked. I'm actually not suggesting that in this case but it still sounds like 'Ahh,the poor child must be having 'trouble at school' or she's just tired'.Wake up-she nearlly broke the cat's tail!
I have children (grown-up now) and pets and I would never allow that!

[wolf63]

My friend had a similar problem with her little boy - luckily the cat put up with so much and gave her son a very painful scratch to his arm. He got the message.

Try telling your little girl that if the cat is unhappy he will leave home. Might work!

[ganesh]

Thanks ruth,pastafreak was trying to make me feel bad,so glad you agree with me.Hope you sort it before either of them get hurt.I do think that you should be firm with her though just to let her know you mean it and that she can't get away with that behaviour.

[pastafreak]

Ganesh...I was most certainly not trying to make you feel bad. It's just that recommending a slap,when trying to stop a child from inflicting pain,seemed a bit odd.

ruth-have you explained to your daughter that the cat feels pain just as she does? ..and just as she would not want to be hurt-neither does her pet.

[ruthandsam]

Woofgang - Eloise has been attending nursery since she was 1 year old = 3 x afternoons and 2 full days. Now attends pre-school part of the same nursery 3 x afternoons and pre-school at primary school 9-3.30 pm x 2 days, so is actually attending less hours than since she was 1. This is just for clarification!

[TheTruthHere]

pastafreak what would you do, buy her a bag of sweets ?

[ganesh]

I wasn't recommending it,I was saying that's what would have happened when I was young,and it would have worked.
I could argue about the rights and wrongs of smacking your kids on another post if you like but it would be wrong to hijack this thread. Do you think children are so much nicer and well-behaved in society now that no-one is allowed to smack any more?I do see your point about treating violence with violence as well ,but you have to make the child 'suffer' pscycologically (withdrawing treats-pleasurable things) instead of physically in order to stop bad behaviour or it will continue, and some would say that might be more upsetting in the long run.I think you're misunderstanding the level of violence was talking about.

[ruthandsam]

Thank you Clipclop1 - that's sounds an excellent idea. I will stick with one particular method of discipline - time out, etc. I realised that we were still verbally communicating with her if she got off the step - hence, reinforcing the attention seeking bad behaviour.
Also, I've decided that she will now have more responsibility for looking after the cat. I remember that Eloise was so proud and pleased with herself that she was allowed to feed her - that has gone by the wayside due to change of routine.
We are going to introduce this again and also show her how to groom the cat and take good care of her - sounds a bit backwards but it will be only under strict supervision of course!!!!!

Thank you everyone

[sherrardk]

Hi Ganesh, I do find your use of the words suffer and violence (even in speech marks) to be a bit off really.

[ganesh]

What do you mean? I meant that whatever you do will make her upset or cry,Perhaps 'suffering' is too strong a word in the same way as pastafreak was using the word 'violence'.But the cat IS suffering if it is getting hurt!

[TheTruthHere]

Anyone would think you had said give her a good belt.