Little girl and our pet cat

[ruthandsam]

Hi

My 4 year old daughter is usually well behaved apart from when she's tired. She attends pre-school at her nursery. She's been with the nursery since she was 1 year of age and now attends both the nursery and pre-school at primary school as well.

We've noticed that since she has started at the primary school her behaviour has been very trying. This is especially when she is with our pet cat. Pulling her ears, chasing her until she runs and hides. Tonight she shut the washing machine door on the cat's tail and is trying to hit her with a belt.

I've tried time out on the silly step. Telling her off. Taking away toys that she loves, etc. Even watching programmes about animals and how we must look after them and praising her for when she is good with the cat. My daughter has numerous scratches on her arms as the cat tries to defend herself but my daughter still doesn't stop the behaviour. I'm at a loss what to do next. Any ideas would be most welcome as it feels like the cat is being terrorized and it is very upsetting.

Many thanks

[katmakenian]

This line is giving me concern above all else......

"Tonight she shut the washing machine door on the cat's tail and is trying to hit her with a belt."

Take the blooming belt off of her for a start!! I don't have kids so cannot give you advice on how to help with your daughter but as someone else said earlier, if your daughter carries on and the cat will get fed up and bugger off to a home where it's not being tormented.

Good luck!

[B00]

Does she comprehend that she's hurting the cat? What does she say when you ask her?

sorry, I can't offer any advice, other than I feel for your cat, whatever you do, I hope it's a quick solution before the poor thing (cat, not kid) get's seriously hurt.

Good luck.

[B00]

And just to clarify, I know others would and will look down their nose at me, but if my child was deliberately hurting any animal, I would skelp them to within an inch of their lives.

Guess that aint what you wanted to hear though.

[Prudie]

I can't offer advice either but what do you say when this is happening to the cat? My worry would be that if she is emotionally detached from realising the hurt she's causing the cat then she may also then become detached from inflicting hurt on other humans.

[pastafreak]

B00...that's why I asked if rith had asked her daughter if she understood that the cat feels pain.

And-no,I do not advocate giving her a bag of sweets as TheTruthHere suggested.

[TheTruthHere]

Go on then pastafreak what would you do ?

[ganesh]

I would have thought that a 4 year old would understand that animals feel pain.That's why this should be a lot easier to sort than if a toddler were doing this. I'm surprised the cat scratch didn't put her off!

[Chaffinch]

I wonder if shes a little jelouse of the cat, perhaps if you got her something that she had to look after (be mummy too) and gave her some responsibility if this would help, perhaps a gold fish she could keep in her bedroom. Just an idea, but it might help.

If my daughter had have done this though I'd have blo*dy horse whipped her :)

[pastafreak]

I would think she would have some understanding of what her pet may feel...but only ruth can answer that.
She needs to do a bit of damage limitation...keep the child and the cat separate if possible...then find out why her behaviour has changed. If she continues to be violent towards the animal-then she needs to use some of the measures suggested by clipclop at the beginning of the thread.

[TheTruthHere]

What do you do if that does not work ?

[boxtops]

I can remember being four years old, and not even thinking sometimes about the consequences of my actions - the cat's the only one below your daughter in the pecking order, and little enough for her to bully. It does have to stop, a lifetime with cats assures me that a cat will only take so much before she really lashes out, or starts to avoid children altogether, and it won't be the cat's fault. The cat must be so confused - the little girl who she loves and who has cared for her in the past has suddenly turned into her tormentor. Please don't "feel like" the cat is being terrorised - she is. Perhaps you could try to tell your little girl that the cat is so sad that her human friend hurt her and is being nasty to her, but that the cat will forgive her and will gladly be her friend if she's nice to her again. Cats don't bear malice - my cats are upset if we shout at them for misdeeds - but they soon come round when they are forgiven, and I'm sure your cat will, if you can just break this chain of your little girl persecuting the cat. If not, the cat will be very unhappy and her behaviour too will be unpredictable - and it's not the cat's fault.

[ganesh]

I like your cat boxtops-a bit like mine.
Good advice and I hope it works,I'm worried for ruthandsams cat,I hope they have insurance-and I hope it's tail is ok!

[pastafreak]

TheTruth...why focus on my responses? They are not all that different from anyone elses......in fact others have gone into greater detail of what they would do. Any or all of the suggestions may work...or not. It depends on how the mother and child interact...and only ruth knows exactly what her little girl is like.

[TheTruthHere]

I knew you could not answer the question. People who say you must not smack can never answer the question.

[sherrardk]

Hi TheTruthHere- I don't do smacking and if I was in this situation and I had tried all of the things above I would re-home the cat.

[boxtops]

Let's stay on the topic here and not get into a rights and wrongs discussion - we are trying to help ruth and the way her daughter's behaving with the cat. Everyone approaches disciplining in different ways, let's not start scoring points off individuals, this is not what it's about.

[pastafreak]

I did not say you must not smack....but when trying to explain that a cat hurts-and feels pain....and to then smack seems counter productive.
Tell us what you would do.....all you've done so far,is criticise my comments.

[boxtops]

sherrard, that would be so sad for the cat - ruth doesn't say how old the cat is, but the daughter needs to understand that the way she's treating the animal is not acceptable. If the cat leaves, the child doesn't learn she can't do it again. IMO.

[TheTruthHere]

sherrardk the only problem you have solved is the pain the cat is being given what about the child.
Have a nice night all i am off out for a while.

[sherrardk]

Would have thought that it would be sadder for the cat to be constantly tormented. If the child was writing on walls, etc and wasn't hurting a pet then you could deal with it over a longer period of time. However, the cat is not going to be happy in this situation, and if none of the offered solutions work (although I can't see why they won't) then the kindest thing to do would be to remove the cat from the situation (and yes, I do like cats).