Can someone explain to me how men think?!!!!

[Barmaid]

Men, honestly! I met someone whom I thought to be genuine 5 weeks ago. He is wonderful in every way, attentive, funny, talks to me, listens to me, tactile, caring, makes me laugh and is a true gentleman. As a wonderful addition he takes me to fantastic places, buys me flowers for no reason whatsoever, whispers sweet nothings, sends me sweet texts, calls me just to say he is thinking of me etc.

He has been "hinting" for the last 2 weeks about us being together permanently and him moving in. So tonight the subject came up along with a professional dinner to which he is escorting me. All of a sudden, I am now agreeing with him (hitherto, I have backed off and calmed it down) and now he is the one who suddenly has cold feet. Is he playing me? Is he toying with me? It takes a lot for me to be able to open up to someone and to me it is all a bit soon, but it was inevitable that I was going to be worn down by his constant "love making" (and I don't mean that in a sexual sense). He seems to have worked really hard to get me to that point, yet when he gets it, it freaks him out.

Should I just think "sod it another player" and pick up where I left off?!

[stompe2]

Not saying about you Barmaid, but some Women scare men now!

[sara3]

noooooooooooo, he was sounding so great! it's all happened very quickly, so just let it drift for a while.

for him to suggest something "big" was easy while he thought it was safe. I guess now he's taken aback and is giving it some proper, serious thought. better now than rushing to move in.........

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed, but just sit back and see how it goes. don't beat yourself up on this, and don't make any assumptions.

[Barmaid]

That could be a good point Stompe. I know I scare most men. The majority of men (and my last bf was a case in point) are scared witless by a powerful, intelligent woman who is capable of earning her own money.

[dot.hawkes]

How exactly did it freak him out? Have you perhaps misunderstood his idea of time? Men are like that, when they say 'in a bit' they mean never, when they say 'later' they mean anytime but not now, when they say 'maybe' they do not actually mean anything as they have not thought of a real reply yet

[Barmaid]

Yeah you are right Sara. It was all moving too quickly. ffs, my last long term relationship took me 9 years (yes nine years) to move in with the guy, then I got it deeply wrong. I've been very circumspect with all his little comments and "jokes" and either brushed them off or joked back. Then tonight I start to concede a little ground and he shuts down completely and 10 minutes later is out the door.

At least we have some breathing space now. I see him tomorrow night and then not again until next week because he is going home for a week.

[Barmaid]

Well he has been the one Dot saying about being together, talking about being part of my "five year plan" (moving to Scotland), buying furniture together, reorganising the house together etc. Then tonight, he mentions it again and instead of joking back I actually hit it head on and said "are you actually serious, or are you just ******* about; because if you are serious, there is stuff we need to talk about and stuff I need to do". 10 minutes later (and I never got an answer, he avoided the question) he was off away home!

[dot.hawkes]

ooooooooo, well I know where you went wrong, you treated him like an adult, always the test of a real man is that

[stompe2]

I couldn't have put it better ,Barmaid! women are so independent now! At my age we put women on a pedestal, then Paid for them opened doors for them, led in intercourse etc, i dont expect a second mother, but we have Pride and some women can Erode that! with there independence,

[tamborine]

lucky break for u Barmaid.....dont fall for his charms, keep him at arms length. Some men only like the chase. He's just a teaser with another agenda.

Use him and abuse him....that's what they like!

[dot.hawkes]

reality to a man is no longer believing in father christmas, accepting that a 5ft 11inch 21 year old blonde is now not an option and pretending about everything else

[Barmaid]

Well bu99er me backwards Dot. Knew there was a simple answer. Damn, treating a man like an adult. At the age of 38, I should know better. lmao

Stompe - I can't help being a ball breaking bitch - but in court. Out of court I DO know how to act like a lady and will carry myself with femininity and grace and when we are out, whilst I don't expect my partner to open doors for me, should he do so I enter with charm and a gracious "thank you".

[stompe2]

I often wonder what the "modern women" want with there man! wish someone would explain to me, all i want is an equal,soulmate,best friend,lover,kind,understanding,lady,NO bimbo stunning Looker glued to the mirror person.Does it Exist?

[sara3]

I'm with you Barmaid, it's bloody tough for those of us who know how to be independent. I'd love to be looked after by a man.. but I am capable of looking after myself because I've had to look after myself.

why do men want Barbie dolls?

[cazzz1975]

lol stompe, you know a lot of men say that but they always make a beeline for the bimbo stunner :S

[stompe2]

Sorry about grammar and Punctuation Im tired and had a Drink! but still sensible!{:)

[sara3]

cazzz is spot on!

[dot.hawkes]

most men are not ready to be treated like an adult, it would mean they have to accept responsibility, take things seriously and give up their play time.

[dot.hawkes]

they say that women are now not getting married until later in life, have you ever looked at the wedding pics in the local papers and seen how many bald headed fat blokes in their late 30s are actually getting married? It's like they are cloned!

[no-knowledge]

your first paragraph is describing a gay man is it not?