Nervous Breakdown

[Picky]

Hi all

I don't know if this is one if those questions where if you ask if you are, then you're not, but how do you know if you're having or heading for a nervous breakdown?

On Wednesday I wait waiting to cross the road with the baby Puckys, when opposite me a three year old stepped into the road and was knocked over and killed in front of us. I've taken professional advice on how to deal with the situation with baby Picky #1 who's 3 and also saw the whole thing, and I've spoken to my gp who's been amazing and I have a crisis counselling team coming out today, but I am in pieces.

It really is indescribable how horrific it's been and I keep thinking if I'm feeling like this his poor mummy must be destroyed. The thing is that the past 18 months have been just awful - I've had 2 miscarriages, lost my lovely Daddy at 7 months pregnant, had an awful birth experience after a cat 1 emergency c section under a general, awful infection, post natal depression and a really nasty experience bring really poorly with bad tonsilits and then their removal. I keep shaking, getting really confused, can't eat, only sleeping with the diazepam.

I know I can't crumble for my 2 boys, but I'm so frightened as to how I'm feeling. I've never felt like this before and I really don't know what to do with myself

Thanks

Px

[sara3]

Picky, you've witnessed something terrible. I am sorry. it's obviously triggered you looking back over your life and picking out the worst of the worst moments. if you force yourself you can see the good things, too (although that's not going to be very helpful right now). you need to talk this through with a professional, and it sounds like that will start today.

for what it's worth, I think in time your eldest child will get over this and possibly even forget (or at least it will be hazy), but that may depend on how you deal with the situation.

you're probably still in shock, but try to see today as the first step in moving forward. I wish you all the best xx

[seekeerz]

You poor girl - what a horror of a time you've had. Just dealing with one or two of those events would be bad enough, but I would expect to feel pretty shattered after all that. You're doing all the right things, getting support from your gp is essential - he/she will be keeping a close eye on you and also support from family and friends will help get you through, plus the support group here will help no end.

Don't 'try' to be strong until you feel you can, just take it one day at a time and take good care of you and the little Pickies xxxxxx seeks

[Picky]

Thanks Sara. It's tricky because I have been such a positive person in the past and just tried to accept that things happen and it's how you deal with them and what you learn from them that makes the difference, but apart from the arrival of my beautiful baby, I am struggling to find anything positive.

Our hv has been fastastic and has taken some specialist advice from a childrns counselling service who have said that he shouldn't suffer any long term affects from seeing it, but to let him talk if he wants and to try and keep everything as normal as poss for him.

I just don't seem to be able to get my head together though. I just feel so sad and nervous and scared all the time and don't know why.

Thanks for your nice message

Px

[Picky]

Thanks Seeks. I have been using AB off and on for a long time but it always makes me grateful as to how kind people can be. Px

[sara3]

I think you're being too hard on yourself. it's been a few days and it will stay with you for a long time.. you'll never forget.

I have a list of tragic events in my life but sometimes I have to say "I've got 2 healthy kids, we have a roof over our heads, we can afford to eat and pay the bills, etc...." small things, but you'll be better off than many. I'm not trying to belittle how you feel now, but you will re-adjust your thoughts in time xx

[northernmonkey]

I am sorry to hear about everything that has happened in your life, which led / is responsable for you feeling how you do Today.

Do you have any family/close freind's that could look after your 2 kids for a few days, whilst you take time to relax/unwind and forget.....which will hopefully make you feel better in yourself ect.

Goto your Doctor and he/she will give you some medication to help (if not already done so as you only mention speaking to your GP)

Hope I make some kind of sense to you

[mollykins]

Trust you to say something like that when picky needs our support, you may have been trying to make her situation seem better, but how do you know that she isn't struggling to pay the bills and can afford to feed her family properly?

She sounds like she's trying her hardest to be brave and help her kids!

[mollykins]

That was aimed at sara by the way not monkey.

[sara3]

mollykins, don't make an ar5e of yourself again.

[mollykins]

I'm jsut standing up for picky.

[sara3]

trust me, you're making a childish fool of yourself again. if you have any respect for how Picky is feeling, you won't post on this thread again....

Picky, my apologies if what I said has offended you in any way. I'd like to think that's not the case as that would never have been my intention x

[Picky]

My husband is lovely but not really the most emotionally supportive man- not a criticism of him as he's brilliant in other ways but just struggles with this sort of thing. My
mum and sister are 250 miles away but I have spoken to them a lot and I do have some amazing friends here who have all rallied round. The gp gave me some diazapam to help me relax, especially as I was shaking so badly. I haven't really got anyone who can look after the boys and I don't really want to let them out of my sight for too long although my sis-in-law is having my eldest today while the counsellors are here incase I get upset. I'm trying to be grateful for all the things I've been blessed with - my beautiful boys being the main one, but my head is spinning and I just feel so desperately sad. Tha is for all your posts

Px

[seekeerz]

sshhhh, girls, nobody's trying to score points or anything. Picky needs support from all of us - sara's right, it will take some time to terms with everything so be gentle with yourself, no-one expects supermum at a time like this. Take heart from the help offered and everything else a day at a time, will keep in touch xxxxx seeks

[hippyhoppy]

I think sara is trying to put a perspective on Picky's view of things.... yes .. horrible things have happend.., but try and see the good things that she has and focus on them..

[northernmonkey]

Well, I am sure that with the love + support of your family and freinds ... things will get easier. Good luck with Today. Let us know how it went if you feel upto doing so.

Best of luck once again!!

[brenda]

Picky-----Sending to you the sincerest of good wishes to you all .Am sure that each day will help you grow stronger, and with all the support and love which surrounds you a return to how you were will not be too far away.sincerely Brenda.x

[milliezoe]

I really feel for you I saw an elderly man collapse and die recently and its still on my mind will pray for you in church tomorrow god bless

[pericat]

Hi picky - I'm so sorry to hear your awful story - it must have been a dreadful thing to see especially when your kids were with you and you have a little one the same age as the child who died. All I can say is take any help given you - follow your doctors instructions and hold on to that feeling about being strong for your kids that will get you through. Be good to yourself and take care !

[Barmaid]

Picky - I can't begin to imagine how you feel. I am no doctor, but I would imagine that this type of reaction to what has happened is entirely normal. You are doing the right thing in having counselling. Tell the crisis counsellor how you feel and they may be able to help.

My best wishes in getting through this.

[Picky]

Thanks all. I always appreciate the response and support from fellow abers. The counsellors have cancelled todays session due to the EDL rally in Bolton today but coming tomorrow. Just giving my boys lots of hugs and keeping busy. Thanks

Px