And There's More

[Rondy]

A man decides to join the circus. He shows up to demonstrate his skills to the Ringmaster.

"I have the most unusual act," he announces. "I'm sure it will amaze you."

He climbs up to the high wire and jumps off! He flaps his arms wildly, and finally his fall slows and the man begins to fly. He soars upward, turns, and swoops back again. Finally, he stops in mid air and gently lowers himself to the ground.

The impresario says, "Is that all you've got? Bird impressions?"

___

My wife says that my willy reminds her of a supermarket.
“Because it’s large, well stocked and always fulfils all your needs?” I asked.
“No” she said, “because it’s Lidl”.

___

I got sacked from the ice cream factory yesterday because l can't work Sundaes.

___

I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today...
I asked her, “When’s it due?”
She replied, “I’m not bloody pregnant you rude ***!”
I said, “I meant the bus you fat bitch!”

___

BREAKING NEWS: The English Cricket team have officially beaten the Wuhan street markets with the worst use of a bat in recorded history!

___

My wife is doing an experiment. She's wearing a Man Utd shirt for a week to get peoples reactions. She's been kicked, punched and spat on so far! Christ knows what's going to happen when she actually leaves the house!

___