Lost a best friend

[amazingtoxic]

Can anyone please help. I am getting really down and depressed. I have or used to have a best friend that I loved so much, I would have done anything for her but now I just feel like she hates me. She was the best friend in the world and then it all went wrong. Now I don't have anyone to talk to, hence coming here. We were best friends then she started to lie to me, break promises and everything. She started drinking a lot and she completely changes when she gets drunk. One time she even slagged off my family in front of them. She promised me should wouldn't drink anymore but she still does. We just end up arguing all the time now, I try hard not to but I feel she is constantly trying to push my buttons. I really lose it when this happens and say a lot of things I don't mean, which I feel so bad about, I just want her to feel as bad as she makes me feel. I think she only cares about herself and doesn't give a ... about me. I miss her so much, I haven't got much confidence and she totaly takes the lime light, so I just kind of slipped into the background when we used to hang out. This meant I lost touch of all my friends and now she hangs out with them, hence why I don't have anyone to talk to.

I don't know what to do, I really want the friendship we had back but she doesn't seem to want ot make an effort. Today we were meant to do something together but she decided to go out with my friends and ended up drinking.

She doesn't understand how much she hurts me, I have even tried to commit suicide once, but didn't have enough bottle.

I don't know what to do. Whatever I say or do, she doesn't realise how important she is to me and how upset she is making me.

Please help.

[rainbowfairy]

i think it sounds like she has a serious alchohol problem and this is a cry for help. Try getting her to go to an alchoholics anonymous meeting. Don't try to handle it all on ur own- its far too big a problem.

[kipchik]

Oh i think maybe she does know,she's pushing your buttons,She seems to crave attention,well i guarantee that when she sees you have moved on without her,with new mates,she will see what a t**t she is looking,I know its probably hard but don't run after her let her come to you,she will grow up and wake up but it seems she needs to sort out her life you cant make her go for help but you can always be there for her when she's ready,but don't chase it,cos it won't change until she is ready to change it!!!!!

[nicnic]

Hi there. I may not be able to help a great deal, but I've been in a similar situation and know how much it hurts. I hope that at least, writing down the way you feel has helped you a little bit. No one should underestimate how much losing a friend can hurt, it's like being bereaved or a partner leaving.

What your friend is doing sounds rather unfair and definitely upsetting. It also seems like that perhaps her drinking is out of control and im sure that this is part of what worries you. Have you tried talking to her about her behaviour?

You can try all you can to repair your relationship, but consider this for one moment. If she chooses not to change and acts the same way to you, you may have to accept that the friendship is over. This is going to hurt but would it be preferable to spend some time alone, discovering what is good about you, or spend time being hurt and damaged by someone you care for dearly.

However low you feel, remember that although at times it feels like the world doesnt want you in it, forgetting all spirituality, you are here for a reason. There are people who love you and want you in their lives, the best of these people you perhaps have not even met.

Stay strong. You are more than just a sum of the people you meet. If you think it might help, perhaps maintain a distance between you for a while. If she comes to her senses, she may come crying to you. But are you prepared to forgive and forget the way she hurts you?

I dont have any answers for you, but wanted to reply so you know you had a little support out here. Sending a big hug your way. nic.

[Jennykins]

Hey .. Sorry to here about your friend ship.. But listen people cant change because YOU want them to.. She will have to want to change oh her own.. and My advice would be for you to stay away from her until if ever she does get better... Its not worth the hurt you are going through...

And listen, friend do change.. Im only 26 and I have gone through so many friends just because we grow apart and life takes us down different roads.. You will be lucky to make at least 1 true best friend in your whole life time.. Move on with your life and enjoy it.. We only have one life.. dont let someone like her get you down.. besides if she is going to treat you like crap, its because she is jelous of you..

GOOD LUCK!!! JEN

[Steve_Luts]

Can I just ask how old you both are, to help me reply?

[amazingtoxic]

Thank you all so much for your answers, keep them coming. I need all the advice I can get right now.

I try to talk to her but it usually ends in a row. She just does't understand where I am coming from (one of the main reasons I have given up trying to talk to her about how I feel) or she agrees to try hard and then something bugs her and she gives up. I just wish she would make the effort to save something that is or was worth saving, I guess you could say she never sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

I try to act like I don't care but I really do and I will really miss her but I guess she isn't interested in me, only in her other mates. I don't understand why, she gets drunk and they laugh at her, it's as though she is there source of fun for the night but she doesn't see that and I don't want to tell her in case it hurts her feelings or it get back to them.

I try not to make it sound like I am telling her what to do, I just care.

We are both 20 (this is where I get a load of people writing in telling me how sad I am and I need to grow up)

Thanks again for your help everyone.

[ahar]

you're not sad, adults have bust ups too! if she makes you feel like this why do you miss her? i hate to be harsh but she sounds like the root of all your problems. maybe you could meet people at work or something who would want to make you feel good about yourself.

[Jennykins]

BEN HARPER " walk away" listen and do ..

JEN

PS// Its a song incase you didnt get it hahah

[jjaammeess]

hello ----This friend of yours and I don't think she is a friend.It seems to me that the relationship you have had with this person is her being a sort of control freak and this is never a very good relationship and liable to break up at any time .What you have to do is to not let her be the source of your actions.She controls you like a puppet and you must break the strings.You must start thinking and feeling for yourself and realize that this is the most important thing you can do.It is not easy but you have to make a start on this today.Read newspapers and say yourself what do I think of this topic or what do I feel about this.and regard your feelings and thoughts as very important both to yourself and everyone else.Best of luck

[Ethmer]

She is an alcoholic. There isn't anything you can do about it. She has to want to change herself for any improvement to occur. Alcoholism controls her when she's drinking and when she is sober.

Someday, when she becomes a recovering alcoholic, she may again perceive of you as a true friend. Until that time you should simply treat her with understanding, kindness and compassion (and thank your lucky stars that you're not in her shoes).

Meanwhile, seek new friendships. Don't be afraid of establishing a new best friend relationship with someone else.

This situation is not of your doing, so don't take it personally. Move on and start regaining your life. Time will heal all wounds.

This is simply one of life's hurdles that has been placed in your path that you are meant to overcome.

[Scarlett]

All the best friendships go through downs as well as ups, and in life, most people suffer these nasty dips. She is obviously troubled at the moment, and therefore is drinking to "forget" her problems. She is not dealing with it at all, hence not letting you in to help her. She is lashing out instead, making rude remarks about your family. It's tough, but I think you need to be there for her. Friendship is more important in the long run.

Why not write her a letter, explaining that you are very sad that things are so difficult at the moment, but that you love her and will always be her friend, and that you there for her if she wants to talk. You will be the bigger person here, offering the olive branch. If that makes no difference to her, then obviously she still needs to work through this crisis of hers, without you.

You should also meet up with one or two of your other, mutual friends, and chat to them about how this is affecting your life, and how sad you are. If they are any sort of mates, they will try their best to help you BOTH. Your friend may just need some space away from you. I remember at school when my best friend started drinking and going around with nasty people. She slagged me off to them, and they would laugh at me.It was so hurtful, but looking back, I realised that she just needed to go through her "rebellious" phase, and not hang out with me.

Good luck.x