News0 min ago
Nick Clegg, Deputy Prime Minister
Nick Clegg walked into a branch of HSBC to cash a cheque. As he approached the cashier he said "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me"?
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure Sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Clegg: "Well I didn't bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister!"
Cashier: "I'm sorry, but with all the regulations, monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc. I must insist on proof of identity."
Clegg: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier: "I am sorry Deputy Prime Minister but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Clegg: "I need this cheque cashed."
Cashier: "Perhaps there's another way: One day Colin Montgomery came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Colin Montgomery he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup.
With that shot we knew him to be Colin Montgomery and cashed his cheque.
Another time, Andy Murray came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his cheque.
So sir, what can you do to prove that you, and only you, are the Deputy Prime Minister?"
Clegg stood there thinking for a good five minutes and finally said: "Honestly, I can't think of a single thing I'm good at."
Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes, Deputy Prime Minister?"
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure Sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Clegg: "Well I didn't bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister!"
Cashier: "I'm sorry, but with all the regulations, monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc. I must insist on proof of identity."
Clegg: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier: "I am sorry Deputy Prime Minister but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Clegg: "I need this cheque cashed."
Cashier: "Perhaps there's another way: One day Colin Montgomery came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Colin Montgomery he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup.
With that shot we knew him to be Colin Montgomery and cashed his cheque.
Another time, Andy Murray came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his cheque.
So sir, what can you do to prove that you, and only you, are the Deputy Prime Minister?"
Clegg stood there thinking for a good five minutes and finally said: "Honestly, I can't think of a single thing I'm good at."
Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes, Deputy Prime Minister?"
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I fly to Portadown v Linfield tomorow Wharton and, with our form so far, I fear the worst. It is a difficult place to go when we are playing well and, with one win in five, we certainly aren't doing that. Jags look good and it was a toss-up between them and Morton for me. Falkirk too young and inconsistent whie Livi let me down last season. Good luck.
Hi Duncer
Some years ago the Jags played Portadown in a pre-season friendly. We strolled up to the ground at about 2.50, thinking. it's helluva quiet. The kick-off had been changed to 2.00 and thanks to Arthur Guinness we hadn't noticed. However I blame Portadown and hope you give them a good doing!
Some years ago the Jags played Portadown in a pre-season friendly. We strolled up to the ground at about 2.50, thinking. it's helluva quiet. The kick-off had been changed to 2.00 and thanks to Arthur Guinness we hadn't noticed. However I blame Portadown and hope you give them a good doing!
1 to 16 of 16
