Publisher needed

[Booldawg]

I am probably one of the most, innovative and creative writers in the UK today and am looking for a publisher.

I haven't actually written a novel yet and havent really got a clue where to start as I couldnt be bothered to write one only to find no-one will publish it.

Any ideas?

[Aschenbach]

What's all this 'probably' talk? Have some conviction! It might also help to write something first. Any absence of talent might not hinder your dreams of joining Haliwell, Ulrika and Beckham on the bestsellers list!

[bazwillrun]

yeah right, you are that good, who told you that Booldawg

ideas ? get you head out of your rectum  

[mfewell]

travel far away looking for sex ?

[Immortal298]

where to start?  I am so furious i find it hard to know where to begin composing an answer to this stupid, moronic question?  where would you find a publisher?  try looking on the furthest peice of the planet from every man or woman who has ever written a piece of writing just for the sake of writing it and not for getting it published and making money.  you are NOT the most innovative and creative writer in the uk.  or the world.  or the universe!  innovative and creative writers write for themselves, and for their art.  not to get published.  "I couldnt be bothered" is not something you will EVER hear a true writer say.  I suggest you stop posting ridiculous and frankly insulting questions on this website and go stick ur head in a blender.

From a dedicated writer who writes every day for the pure enjoyment of it.

[Booldawg]

I have now been invited, on this post, to stick my head up my rectum and also, in a blender. Decisions, decisions!

It would seem my career options are more expansive than I first thought.

Ok, lets evaluate the answers:

Aschenbach - nice touch of informed humour, very well done, you show promise.

Bazwillrun & mfewell - not much there beyond simple insult - very dull of you both

Immortal - Obviously touched a raw nerve there, like the passion, maybe had a tint of elitism. You're an accomplished writer Immortal, very well done, but have some encouragement for others.

[woofgang]

try here. http://www.lulu.com/uk

[mycatis]

ooh Booldawg, so which one did you choose in the end? Rectum or blender? lol

[Champagne]

Booldawg - maybe you could write a diary leading up the events of your grizzly death by blender? I'd buy it. If you go for the head up the rectum option then that book may only appeal to certain circles...

[littleoldme]

Oh dear, Immortal298, you don't think maybe, just maybe, that there's the teensiest, weensiest chance this question may not actually be serious? I'd have expected a writer to spot that.

That said, can we not keep silly or spoof questions confined to ChatterBank instead of clogging up the "proper" categories?

[Booldawg]

well I was going to keep the skit going but LittleOldMe asked me so politely to refrain from posting nonsense on the main board, I've had a change of heart and will take his/hers advice as a little bit of tact and sensibility goes much further than childish insult and intellectual superiority.

That just leads me on to my levaing anecdote:

'Intellect - powerful muscles, but little personality'

[littleoldme]

No problem, Booldawg, but now we've finally seen off the grumpy people and established that ChatterBank can be used for all manner of tish-tosh, fiddle-faddle, balderdash and indeed flapdoodle, we might as well make the most of it :-) (you're less likely to upset any serious-minded types over there too, mainly because there aren't any)

[rooftrouser]

I'm with Aschenbach - drop the probably. Given the amount of emotion you've stirred with a mere paragraph I can't wait for a whole novel. It's got to be better than that Dave Inchy Cod and that's been bestseller for blooming months.

[ludwig]

Booldawg, I'm a publisher but I haven't published anything yet cos I can't be arsed and I'm not really a publisher. I like the sound of your work. Send me a copy when it's finished.

[Booldawg]

ludwig - I'm sure that together we can achieve nothing

[jesusrocks]

how do u know you are the greatest writer if u havent WRITTEN anything try writing something first and if u really are good then SOMEONE will publish it