What Would You Have Done?

[Caran]

Saga!
Very old friend always gave money to my grandchildren for birthdays and Christmas.
Later her daughter had two children. I started to send them money for Christmas and birthdays, even though I never met them.
There was always a problem with them cashing the cheques. Some times they would remain uncashed for over six months. I very rarely received a thank you card.
This week I decided to change my bank account. I went through my cheque book and discovered there were four uncashed cheques for them. One as far back as August 2014.
My bank account switch takes place next Tuesday.
I have written to the mother saying if the cheques are not cashed by Friday they will be lost as that account no longer exists.
Also I have decided to no longer send the children cheques due to financial reasons.
That last bit isn't true but I thought it better to put that rather than I don't think they really want it!
What would you have done?
Incidentally my old friend died last year but that has nothing to do with it really.

[ummmm]

I would just change back account without saying anything. They don't cash them for ages and don't say thank you.

[Canary42]

Cheques aren't eternally valid - expire after six or twelve months I believe.

[stuey]

As ummmm says, Caran: don't complicate your life because of ingrates.

[Barsel]

///I have written to the mother saying if the cheques are not cashed by Friday they will be lost as that account no longer exists.
Also I have decided to no longer send the children cheques due to financial reasons. ///

Caran I think you have done the right thing here, don't worry about it. x

[Mamyalynne]

I doubt you'll hear back from them, just draw a line under it and move on.


Nice gesture on your part though Caran.

[Caran]

I do feel a bit awkward or guilty about it though. I feel it could be misconstrued as retaliation for my old friend dying and not sending money to my grandchildren. But it has been a problem re cashing cheques.

[Marshwarble]

Cheques don't have to be cashed at all, just stick them in the kids' account. Or stick them in your account and give them the money. It's not the sender's responsibility what happens to the cheques, they are no longer hers. Sending cheques is better than sending actual cash through the post.

[bunkmoreland]

Caran,you are the one doing all the worrying about the situation and it looks as if it doesn't matter to the family at all! Life moves on and you are more sensitive to the link because of your friend,understandably,but, you have no tie to them at all really. Just remember your friend and the good times instead:-)

[waterboatman]

Caren if they don't have the courtesy and good manner to say thank you, then I wouldn't bother with them. Just change your account and forget them. Sheer bad manners on their part and the do not deserve your gifts.

[mikey4444]

This woman obviously does not appreciate your generosity. That is abundantly from her actions, so you should cut your losses and give the money to a good cause, of which there are 1000's to choose from.

This issue of no thank-you letters has come up on AB before and it has happened to me. I am fed up with being taken for granted so I now operate a zero tolerance to this sort of rudeness and disdain, and I suggest you do the same.

You owe this woman and her kids nothing.

[murraymints]

I'm with Mikey !!

[Cloverjo]

Me too. Don't give them another thought, let alone cheque.

[Prudie]

Just to give it another viewpoint that may make you feel not so hurt- I've many a time not taken cheques, including small premium bond wins, to the bank and they've expired for the simple reason I'm never near a bank in opening hours and have to make a special effort to go. If you do want to still send them something make it a gift voucher or a note. Cheques will die out soon anyway.

[Sqad]

Many years of not a thank you for cheques at birthdays and Xmas, so for many years, the grandchildren have never had a present OR card from Mr& Mrs sqad.

So we are not the kindest and thoughtful of grandparents...so......who cares?

My priorities are in other directions.

Caran.......well done.

[mikey4444]

Sqad....more of us should do the same ! Ingrates are one of my pet hates !

[Cloverjo]

Yes, sqad. I'm on the verge of not sending my nephews any more birthday or Christmas cheques. I used to get a thank you when they were young enough to be chided by their mum, but now they're old enough to think for themselves they don't bother.

[Togo]

Caran you have no reason to have a guilt trip. If I were you I would send them a cheque for a squillion quid.........next Wednesday on your expired account. Teach the blighters.

[TWR]

As Ummmm.

[viv41]

Agree with what everyone says on here, just forget it now, you have done your best and you owe then NOTHING !!