Funny Metaphors And Sayings.

[Theland]

As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike.

You got any to make us smile?

[maggiebee]

As much use as a chocolate teapot.

[Buenchico]

As much use as a glass eye at a keyhole.

[tiggerblue10]

Bounce back more times than a cartoon cat with nine lives.

[Patsy33]

As much use as a chocolate fireguard...

[Ken4155]

More mouth than a cow has udders.

[Theland]

As thick as a canteen cup.

As much use as a back pocket in a waistcoat.

[pixie374]

Not playing with a full deck.

[DTCwordfan]

All hat and no cattle (a Texan one)

Like a fart in a space-suit (or diving suit or submarine)

[ChillDoubt]

My favourites:

Better than a poke in the eye with a plastic daffodil.

Couldn’t organise a pillow fight in a dormitory.

About as much use as a handbrake on a canoe.

About as much use as a cat flap on a submarine.

About as much use as Ann Frank’s drum kit.

You’ve got more chance of seeing Lord Lucan riding Shergar in the 3.20 at Atlantis.

I’m here all week......

[ChillDoubt]

Oh and:

He/she is as thick as a workhouse buttie.

Couldn’t find his arris with both hands.

About as easy as juggling soot.

[Theland]

Makes the village idiot look clever.

[Tuvok]

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?











I'll tell you next week!

[Tuvok]

Here's a new one:

Loo roll - as rare as hens teeth!

[douglas9401]

As weird as a bottle of chips.

[Canary42]

As tight as a camel's *** in a sandstorm

I do know another one for as tight as but it's not suitable for a family forum ;-)

[Theland]

As loud as an angry ABer.

[Theland]

As fast as shirt off a shovel.

As tight as a ducks asre.

[douglas9401]

Does a fish have a watertight heid?

[Theland]

As happy as a pig in shirt.

Fast as shirt through a duck.

[DTCwordfan]

A Cornish one that isn't as crude as it first looks, "Thasit me lover, geddon me cock!"

Then there is "Wasson shag?"

Or "I'm rufazrats"