Help my poem. Be merciless....

[flobadob]

I've been at this for a certain amount of time. If anyone can make any adjustments in a positive sense that would be nice. I know that from line 6 it's iffy. That's where you come in. Or before line 6 should the need arise.


I dreamed one day that I'd have you,
I wished my dream,
It would come true.
I wished a dream, it came true.
My dream was you, my wish was you.
I then forgot, what was once a dream
It then became my life,
I've got dreams and wishes anew
How did I make that wish?
How did it come true?
I've got other wishes.
Do they mean as much as you?
A wish come true,
Happens
A dream,
May.

[Arksided]

try forget instead of forgot

[flobadob]

Don't think so Ark.

[Arksided]

well no prob, i'm no poet at least it rhymes unlike anything I could put together.

[flobadob]

Everyone can rhyme Ark, you included. I don't think the word "forget" would fit after the word "then".

[Arksided]

I was good at 'wonky donkey' many years ago when it was on SMTV.

[flobadob]

I would like to remember stuff. Ahh.

[whiskeryron]

I dreamed one night that I'd have you
And then one day my dream came true
The dream I'd dreamt (that wish) came true
My dream was you, my wish was you

The dream forgotten,life became
An altogether different game
How did that dream become a fact
Now that we're two let's make a pact

Let's dream together you and me
That our life will always be
As good a dream as we can make
To find life's smoothest paths to take.♥

[flobadob]

Hmm, I'll digest that W. Doesn't hit every spot I'm aiming for though.

[boxtops]

what are you aiming for then, flobadob? Yours starts off really well, then tails off... not sure how you want it to end.