Child Contact Order

[Decoder]

I have recently applied for a contact order to see a child. The back story is difficult, I met the Mother when she was four months pregnant and the biological Father didn't want to be involved in anyway, there is no Father's name on the birth certificate and I took up the role immediately. I was present at the birth of the child and throughout the entirety from the moment I met her. After a year or so with her and nine and a half months of being a Dad to the child and being told every single day how never to worry because the child will "always know who his Daddy is" due to me being there and always wanting to be his Dad, she has now left me. She's left me for another partner. I work so can't get legal aid and she doesn't so she does qualify for legal aid. I've got a court date for a directional hearing and everything and I just want to be able to continue my relationship with him.

She is saying she believes I am unable to look after him despite this never being a previous issue. She says I have a temper when in fact she actually threatened to "get a knife out on you [me]" over the phone (which I recorded). I love the child and I need to know what I can do next. Any help would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

[ummmm]

I don't think you'll stand a chance to be honest. You have no legal ties to him at all. 9.5 months is not a long time and the child won't remember you after a few months.

[Decoder]

Thanks, very constructive. I'm actually looking for what I can do next to help my case.

They apparently judge it on "the best interests of the child" and the father isn't involved in any way and I want to be there, to be a father figure for him to look up to and count on. I see that as best interests. I might not live with her or anything but I've always been great with him and love him more than anything I've known.

I just need to try find as much information as possible to help my case, I realise he is young but would a stable male role model not be better for him than the possibility of her going in and out of relationships?

[Craftypig]

Sounds to me like you got away lightly, do you really want to be having contact with a potentially violent woman that dumps you so that you can see a child that isnt yours, find yourself a new partner and start your own family, you seem like a decent person, it shouldn't be too difficult for you........

[Decoder]

You're not the only person to state that but I love the boy and although he might not biologically be mine she hit it into me every single day that as long as I wanted him as my son, he would be, she told me how she was prepared for me to sign parental responsibility and then a couple of weeks later she left me.

The boy has done nothing wrong and my relationship with him was brilliant. Coming into the room to see his face light up at seeing me and lifting his arms for me to pick him up. I can't just give up on him. I need to do everything I can to get him back and if not... I need to at least know I made every attempt for him. He became my world and I want to stay in his life, and him to stay in mine.

Losing a relationship is one thing, I can deal with losing her. She's a bit crazy I realise but losing a child, a child I was treating as my own and I woke up every day thinking of him as my son is completely different. I can't just give up.

[wolf63]

I don't know the answer but hope that you find a positive outcome to all this.

I think that the little boy is the victim (I know that you agree) and it is sad that he should suffer because of all this. Hopefully his mother's current relationship will be a long term one and he will get the stability that a child needs.

[ljdksa]

To be honest, she is probably saying exactly the same thing to her current partner. Hopefully, he will be a good influence and support for the child. I don't think there is anything you can do. Even a biological father can find it difficult in this situation. If she is in and out of relationships, she is not going to let every ex share the child at weekends (I hope).
Maybe she will try to get the father involved again at some point.

[tigwig]

I dont have any practical advice but just wanted so say how sad your situation is for you both. I detest women like this who dont give a fig about their children. I have no idea whether you would be allowed any kind of access but I sincerely hope you do for the poor child's sake.

[ummmm]

Decoder - I wasn't meaning to not give a constructive answer. Be realistic though...She might have more future partners. What if all of them want access to the child? How confusing would that be?

Having new partners does not make her a bad mother...

[PipinHull]

I think a family law solicitor would be able to tell you quite quickly what your chances are, I really feel for you though because no one would question how heart-wrenching it would be for a woman to raise a child from infancy for that long then lose all contact. My daughter was raised from quite small by a man who was not her biological father, when we split a few years later I never dreamed of stopping contact. Your only hope may be appealing to her as a babysitter if you really wish to continue seeing the child, if she is in a new relationship she may want free time. To be honest though people will be so judgemental about it because they will perceive it as strange or weird.

[fluffyblond]

Hi I'm at the moment trying to stop my parents from seeing my kids, they have applied for a contact order (you can see the details in my questions) anyway we had the leave of court part the other day, and when we got to the court we were greeted by the c.a.f.c.a.s.s lady, thankfully she is on our side, (as my parents have told many lies in there statement) we had to get to the court 30 mins before it started, and we had to requested different waiting areas, as we were taken in to the court room we had to pass there waiting room where we were subjected to a round of verbal attacks by these 'so called loving grandparents' (in there own words) the court people noticed this a made a note of it. When in the court room we didn't really talk they just talk between themselves, and they looked at the c.a.f.c.a.s.s report, anyway it had to be put on hold, because the court now wants statments from all parties, so they can make a choice if it should go to court, I've been told due to the fact they have a harassment order on them, they have very little chance of getting contact,

My point is if you have c.a.f.c.a.s.s on your side and don't have a police record, then there could be a chance, but if your ex says u have been violent to her, this will be seen as not in the best interest of the child, and the fact the child is so young will go against you, as they don't remember much at that age, see your ex could say your standing in her way of happiness with her new partner, If I was you I would just say you feel you have bonded with the child, and would like to help the mother out with child care so she can have a break with her new partner, have u wrote to her telling her how u feel? If not try it, explain you are happy to be used as an unpaid baby sitter. It's worth a go, what do you have to loose at this stage