You Couldn’T Make It Up

[Zeuhl]

I have recently been told I am in the clear after being DNA tested several weeks ago in the Melanie Road murder enquiry.
It is a tragic case but what was amusing (in a dark way) was the way I (and presumably many others) was told.

My expectation was either a brisk phone call or no word at all as the officers have better things to be doing.
However, the conversation on my mobile would not have been out of place in a comedy script:

Z: Hello
P: Hello is that Mr Zeuhl?
Z: Yes
P: Mr Zeuhl Zeuhl?
Z: Yes
P: Hello this is Detective Constable Bloggs calling from Bristol

(At this point I expected a quick ‘just to let you know you’re in the clear’ ‘thanks very much – good luck with the enquiry’ etc etc Bye Bye.
But no)

P: You were visited by my colleagues X and Y?
Z: Yes
P: and they took DNA samples?
Z: Yes
P: Well we’ve received the results
Z: OK
P: And you’re results were….

(and I swear I actually heard him rustling through paperwork)

… you’re results were…

… Negative.

Z: Oh good
P: So you shouldn’t hear from us again
Z: Fine. Good luck with the enquiry etc etc

Just to let you know you’re in the clear would have been easier but I suppose less exciting

[Ken4155]

DC Bloggs was obviously practising his audition for best "And the winner is............." announcer.

[Zeuhl]

LOL ken

The Ant & Dec school

[tamborine]

Not pregnant then, lol

[Frank97]

I wonder if the DNA had matched would they have called to tell you so?

[Zeuhl]

LOL

i only recall the detectives probing the inside of my mouth so who knows?

[Svejk]

he was hoping you'd break down and fess up.

[Zeuhl]

/would they have called to tell you so? /

LOL

Hello, we're thinking of popping round to your house tomorrow at 4 am

See you then

[WELSHYORKIE]

Zeuhl - I think he's been watching too many Jeremy Kyle programmes, but I thought he was going to say that you are the Chief Inspectors secret love child

[Svejk]

I had similar in the doctor's. Had a blood test and instead of telling me it was all clear, he listed every test and what it was for. I was sat waiting for the hammer to fall. Didn't help that he kept me waiting till the surgery was empty.

[stuey]

"Mr Zeuhl?"
"Yes"
"This is DI Plod from the Bristol Constabulary. We shall shortly be paying you a visit in order to discuss your recent surreptitious, illegal, and unauthorized recording of a conversation between a member of the Constabulary and yourself. I strongly suggest that you retain the services of a solicitor...Have a nice day."

[Zeuhl]

you're right Stuey

of course we record all our calls for 'Training and Quality purposes'

there is a recorded message telling everyone that, but it has mysteriously been replaced by One Second of silence :-)

[mushroom25]

stewey, amusing but inaccurate.

Bristol is the fiefdom of Avon and Somerset Constabulary.

:-)

[stuey]

Having lived in the Colonies for many years, my knowledge of your policing jurisdictions is a little rusty:) However, I do remember that Sir Bernard Spilsbury (a Home Office pathologist) was one of the founders of modern forensic pathology...I know, that's really off topic:)

[pixie373]

Lol. It seems a little pointless for the police to try for "tension" when the person they are speaking to - already knows the results!
"hello Sir. You didn't do it".
"No. I know"....

[Dee Sa]

what time did he say Elvis had left the building ?

[lady-janine]

was he trying to find Spartacus?