The K M Links Game - December 2024 Week...
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Aged Parents And Illness
39 Answers
Hi,
My parents are 73 and 79 and although relatively fit/active do get the usual older persons illnesses such as colds and aching bones and stuff. Dad has CLL and mum has asthma.
Do any of the medical people here think that them having to look after a 4yr old (sent home from nursery) and a 7yr old that have diahrea and sickness and generally under the weather is a good idea?
Now mum has come down with bronchitis and has been told to rest by the Dr we are wondering if the two sick boys contributed to her getting so ill.
Thank you
My parents are 73 and 79 and although relatively fit/active do get the usual older persons illnesses such as colds and aching bones and stuff. Dad has CLL and mum has asthma.
Do any of the medical people here think that them having to look after a 4yr old (sent home from nursery) and a 7yr old that have diahrea and sickness and generally under the weather is a good idea?
Now mum has come down with bronchitis and has been told to rest by the Dr we are wondering if the two sick boys contributed to her getting so ill.
Thank you
Answers
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I think every family works in different ways, when I was a bit younger I would cheerfully have the Grandchildren even if they were unwell.
A little older now and as long as they aren't too poorly, will still have them - though doubt I would be asked unless it was an urgent appointment.
If the Grandparents are too infirm then they really should say no, though of course the person doing the dropping children off should see this themselves.
Re catching things from children , I've had many a virus as often they are incubating something and not showing symptoms when they visit , happens in all families.
Have a quiet word cassa.
A little older now and as long as they aren't too poorly, will still have them - though doubt I would be asked unless it was an urgent appointment.
If the Grandparents are too infirm then they really should say no, though of course the person doing the dropping children off should see this themselves.
Re catching things from children , I've had many a virus as often they are incubating something and not showing symptoms when they visit , happens in all families.
Have a quiet word cassa.
This needs to be looked at from all sides - I know lots of grandparents who are desperate to look after their grandchildren, some of them even have given up their jobs so they can have them in the day. Also most couples these days have to look at creche/nursery because they can't afford for the mother not to get back to work as soon as possible.
In answer to the OP I'd say the last thing anyone would want with bronchitis is young kids bothering them.
In answer to the OP I'd say the last thing anyone would want with bronchitis is young kids bothering them.
\\\ I know lots of grandparents who are desperate to look after their grandchildren, some of them even have \\\
Yes, i have found this as an eXpat, as the commonest reason for going back to the UK is to be "near the grandchildren." Not so much for the man, but when a mother becomes a grandmother she becomes "obsessed, besotted"and talks of nothing else, but the "beautiful new arrival."
Granddad describes that wonderful feeling of hearing the child say "Granddad, granddad " as it runs towards the outstretched arms of the grinning grandparent.
One ABer has even formed her username from the "grunting " of a grandchild. It does little for Mr& Mrs sqad, so no, they had the kids, they take the responsibilities. Perhaps as a "one off" for half an hour, but that would be it.
Yes, i have found this as an eXpat, as the commonest reason for going back to the UK is to be "near the grandchildren." Not so much for the man, but when a mother becomes a grandmother she becomes "obsessed, besotted"and talks of nothing else, but the "beautiful new arrival."
Granddad describes that wonderful feeling of hearing the child say "Granddad, granddad " as it runs towards the outstretched arms of the grinning grandparent.
One ABer has even formed her username from the "grunting " of a grandchild. It does little for Mr& Mrs sqad, so no, they had the kids, they take the responsibilities. Perhaps as a "one off" for half an hour, but that would be it.
I know of some grandparents who literally reared the grandchildren maybe of weeks old to eight years of age when daughter in law had fracas with the grandparents and has now not allowed grandchildren to see grandparents - this has been going on for 8 years now. Children are (twins) 16 and 21 - grandparents were besotted with these children and were very very good to them - keeping them for weeks at a time 24 hours a day.
That was a lovely payback - grandparents are devastated at their loss.
That was a lovely payback - grandparents are devastated at their loss.
My Nan would have been in her early 60's when my daughter was born and I would never have asked her to babysit. As well as raising her own kids she helped raise all of us grand kids and done a brilliant job.
I thought at the time that she was too old for the responsibility. Now I look at my own mother in her early 60's and realise my Nan wasn't old at all...
Anyway....she'd done her job as a parent so she should only have the fun times as a family.
I thought at the time that she was too old for the responsibility. Now I look at my own mother in her early 60's and realise my Nan wasn't old at all...
Anyway....she'd done her job as a parent so she should only have the fun times as a family.
Thank you all for your responses.
It isn't me but my brother that takes advantage of mum and dads good nature.
My brother even lives a hundred yards from them with the intention that they would be his support network. He even suggested that we would have to move closer when we had the twins.
Mum and dad do seem to catch things more these days, especially from the boys. They admit they can't cope as well as they used to, they are shattered after half an hour, but just don't seem able to say no to him.
Something that does rather annoy the rest of us is that his wife only works two shifts a week on a Monday and Tuesday but will still palm them off at every opportunity. She wants a sleep, can the boys come round (and pick the older one up from school). she wants to read a book in peace can the boys come round (and pick the older one up from school), she wants to go to Sainsburys can the boys come round, I've just hoovered and it took me 45 minutes and I'm shattered can the boys come round.
It is just so frustrating when they can't cope as well, admit they can't cope as well but don't say no to them. My brother even had the cheek to tell me they couldn't cope with my two 10 years ago when we were in the process of moving and we lived with them weekdays until our purchase came through. I was actually there looking after the twins and not off somewhere else!
Anyway mum and dad are the ones to say no, they won't and brother and his wife don't see that they can't cope and are more prone to illness.
Perhaps this should have been in relationships as well,as health lol
It isn't me but my brother that takes advantage of mum and dads good nature.
My brother even lives a hundred yards from them with the intention that they would be his support network. He even suggested that we would have to move closer when we had the twins.
Mum and dad do seem to catch things more these days, especially from the boys. They admit they can't cope as well as they used to, they are shattered after half an hour, but just don't seem able to say no to him.
Something that does rather annoy the rest of us is that his wife only works two shifts a week on a Monday and Tuesday but will still palm them off at every opportunity. She wants a sleep, can the boys come round (and pick the older one up from school). she wants to read a book in peace can the boys come round (and pick the older one up from school), she wants to go to Sainsburys can the boys come round, I've just hoovered and it took me 45 minutes and I'm shattered can the boys come round.
It is just so frustrating when they can't cope as well, admit they can't cope as well but don't say no to them. My brother even had the cheek to tell me they couldn't cope with my two 10 years ago when we were in the process of moving and we lived with them weekdays until our purchase came through. I was actually there looking after the twins and not off somewhere else!
Anyway mum and dad are the ones to say no, they won't and brother and his wife don't see that they can't cope and are more prone to illness.
Perhaps this should have been in relationships as well,as health lol
We have spoken to mum and dad and they admit to us they can't cope for more than an hour but just don't seem to be able to say no. I realise it is hard to say no when you have someone calling round or ringing and they pay lip service to 'we will say no more often' but when push comes to shove they just don't.
SILis a bit of a lazy what name, but brother just panders to her and sees the free babysitting etc as mum and dad wanting to spend time with the boys. Mum and dad have even admitted to us they go away on short breaks more so they don't have to look after the boys.
I have the boys this Easter weekend because mum is ill and brother and SIL have booked themsleves a night away again (if they don't get at least one night away without the boys a month they feel really hard done by).
Unless they bring his food the older one will starve to death! He will only eat certain foods and they are NOT allowed to touch and should be arranged in a specific way. In my house the food is put on the plate and you eat it. Lol
We are gearing ourselves up to talk to brother and SIL. I might do it when they pick them up after their night away.
Mum and dad are a lot older than they were (obviously lol) and get unwell more often and more easily but just can't say no unless they are really ill, such as this weekend but it is the attitude of my brother and his wife that really takes the biscuit. After lecturing me ten years ago how mum and dad can't cope with us in the house he can't see how they actually can't cope now.
Oh well. 'That talk' will hopefully be less painful than I anticipate.
SILis a bit of a lazy what name, but brother just panders to her and sees the free babysitting etc as mum and dad wanting to spend time with the boys. Mum and dad have even admitted to us they go away on short breaks more so they don't have to look after the boys.
I have the boys this Easter weekend because mum is ill and brother and SIL have booked themsleves a night away again (if they don't get at least one night away without the boys a month they feel really hard done by).
Unless they bring his food the older one will starve to death! He will only eat certain foods and they are NOT allowed to touch and should be arranged in a specific way. In my house the food is put on the plate and you eat it. Lol
We are gearing ourselves up to talk to brother and SIL. I might do it when they pick them up after their night away.
Mum and dad are a lot older than they were (obviously lol) and get unwell more often and more easily but just can't say no unless they are really ill, such as this weekend but it is the attitude of my brother and his wife that really takes the biscuit. After lecturing me ten years ago how mum and dad can't cope with us in the house he can't see how they actually can't cope now.
Oh well. 'That talk' will hopefully be less painful than I anticipate.
You need to be strong Cassa, stick with what you want to get across without being aggressive, they are really taking the mickey here, your parents energy levels wouldn't be the same either, the children are losing out on the social side of childsplay and your parents need their own space now, a visit is great, but caring for a child at this age is draining.
Just had a chat with my mum and gave her a bit of a lecture. She does agree that it is too much and she will have a talk with dad about cutting back on having the boys to my brother. Not just 'drop of the hat' baby sitting but especially so when the boys are ill.
I am hoping she does because I threatened to speak to him myself if they don't.
I am hoping she does because I threatened to speak to him myself if they don't.
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