Yes, There's More

[Rondy]

Just bumped into an old mate today. I said, "What are you doing these days?"
He said, "I prepare meals for the homeless, drug addicts, *** heads and down and outs."
I said, "Oh, are you working for the Salvation Army?"
He said, "No. Wetherspoons!"

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Got my water bill today for the last 3 months. £250!
Then I saw an advert for Oxfam stating they can supply a whole village with water for £5 a month...
I Think I'll be changing my supplier!

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The Man Utd team visited an orphanage in Manchester today. "It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Ben, age six.

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Two junior co-eds went to the movies one night. After 15 minutes passed, one girl leaned over and whispered to her friend, "What should I do? The guy sitting next to me is masturbating."
Her friend replied, "Don't do anything. Just ignore it."
The first girl said, "I can't."
Her friend, "Why can't you ignore it?"
The first one says, "Because he's using my hand!"

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I bought a dog off a blacksmith today
As soon as l got it home it made a bolt for the door.

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Got a stair lift 4 weeks ago, l got them to take it back it was driving me up the wall.

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