Broken Sleep Routine

[stressed out]

My son is now 2, he was always a bad sleeper and i had a nightmare time to get him to sleep, about 9 months ago i managed to get him into a routine where i put him in his cot with his bottle of milk and i would say goodnight, walk out and i would'nt hear a peep! Knowing what my son was like that was like a dream come true, obviously the first week was not that easy but soon he settled into a routine and would even run straight upstairs as soon as i mentioned that it was bedtime! But about a week ago he suddenly started to scream and have a fit when placed in the cot and won't settle for hours, just cries and wants to be with me, (mum) or climb in my bed! I hate to admit it but i am going through alot of stress at the moment, i have told my doctor about this, my son's crying and behaviour is part of it but every night that he's done this i have lost my temper and shouted at him and smacked him! Straight away i felt guilty, as if i was not in control of myself and i was not being myself. I don't want to feel this way, does anyone know why he has suddenly started this and how i can get him back to his routine? I can't think of anything major that's changed in his lifestyle and he does'nt go to bed too early?

Please help me... Also do you know if the new Night Time Milk is suitable to give him? I thought maybe it would help him settle, (he usually needs 2/3 bottles during the night to sleep through, even if i have to change his nappy in the night or he wakes up soaked in wee!) I feel depressed like i'm a failed mother and he's my only child! I cry every day.

[noxlumos]

Hi, firstly of course your not a failed mother. Parenthood is one of the most demanding tasks that we ever embark upon and it's natural for things not to always go spot on to plan.If you are under a lot of stress then your little one will doubtless pick up on that and be a bit more fractious than usual so try and get things into proportion and stay as calm as possible. Yelling at him and smacking him really isn't a good idea as it's only going to exaccerbate the situation.What I'd suggest if your desperate to keep him in this routine is that for a few days you take him out and tire him out completely, to the park or the zoo or whatever and don't let him sleep in the daytime so that when he does go to bed he's kn******d and ready to sleep. Stay with him for a few minutes maybe while he drinks his milk, stroke his face, sing to him, do something soothing that will naturally wind him down and see how you go.I think night time milk is a great idea, maybe it will encourage him to sleep longer through, and there used to be some industrial strength night time nappies that were really good at making sure they didn't wake very wet.

The other thing I'd say is see if you can get someone to watch him for a while and get out on your own and have some "you" time. If you are stressed you need to have some time out for yourself, because you sound very tired and very depressed.I hope your Dr is suggesting things to make you feel better, but first and foremost try and keep your cool, this is only a phase and yelling and hitting will only make both you and your wee man feel worse.It will pass and your not a bad Mum.Best of luck to you, it'll be fine.

[tigilou]

Im sitting here now with the exact same thing my little girl just 2 slept all the way through since she was 6to8 months in the last couple of weeks she has climbed out of her cot stood at the top of the stairs screaming and waits for me to go and lay with her to get her to sleep. Tonight i decided she will just have to lay there and cry its driving me mad but i'm not giving in she is still screaming now but i know this is the only thing that is going to work. Its easy to say don't get stressed cause jesus i am but leave him and go to another room where you cant hear the high pitched screams. good luck and i hope you feel better soon

[Altosruleok]

I have to disagree on this one; I don't think that leaving a child to scream is the answer, particularly if they've been a good sleeper previously. They may be going through a spell of bad dreams or have just found a fear of the dark or monsters under the bed, or something like that. It IS a phase - after all, how many 19-year-old do you know who behave in that way?
Both of my children had phases like that, but they were just phases and after a while they went back to settling down normally.
But I do agree that it's important for you to get out sometimes and let someone else do the bed-time routine while you relax.

[Butty]

Don't worry we've all been through this and it will get better.

He is just beginning to realise he can control you and demand more attention.

I know its a bit "Supernanny" but your routine should work.

We don't allow our daughter to sleep during the day - she doesn't seem to want to unless she's in the car - and by 6.30 she is tired. She then has her bath and we read her a story at the same time as she drinks her warm milk.

She is put to bed at 7pm (7.15 at the latest) and yes sometimes she will jump up and stand at her stair gate crying. We just go up and put her straight back into bed without any discussion or eye contact. She will settle down with her soft toy after one or two times.

Don't leave him to cry - this will only wind him up - but be firm and don't give him any more attention once it is "night-night" time.

It may sound cruel but it'll help him get a good nights sleep and will keep you calm as well!

I wouldn't give him more than one beaker of milk at bed time - you don't want him to have to wake up during the night with a wet nappy and he won't be thirsty if he is getting enough juice/water/milk during the day.

[tradey]

im so glad theres other parents out there with this problem,my 2yr old has never slept right through since she was born,we would get the odd night she slept through,but god no more,its been like this for months ive tried everything leaving her to cry,she screams and screams and i mean screams,we put her back into bed she gets out before youve reached the door,back in again we did it last night about 100 times, it got to 1.30am this morning couldnt take any more i ended up getting into bed with her just to get some sleep,its not fair my hubbies up at 6 for work my other daughters up for collage at 7.every night i bath her read to her she falls asleep then two hours later it all starts,i dread it every night cant take much more im at the verge of cracking up.the only thing is dont give up its been like this for ages and im still trying with it

[Gathorne]

You are really not alone with your bad sleeper. I can't reccomend Toddler Taming by Doctor Green enough, and if you really stick to his controlled crying technique it really does work. You go in and comfort your child until calm then put him back in his cot and walk out even if he starts crying straight away. Leave him for a set time (2 min.s if you're a wimp like me) before you go in again and repeat the comforting and walking out. This time you leave him for 4 min.s, then 6 min.s, then 8 min.s etc. He will either cry himself to sleep, or realise you're not staying and give up. This may take several days before you win, but if you do stick to it you will win. The people who say it doesn't work have usually not given it a real go so wait till you're feeeling strong then really go for it. A few sleepless nights is so worth it for a child who sleeps through.

The important thing is to not weaken and give in to their demands and you will find that a few nights of hell are worth it for the long term gain. I also find it easier to listen to the crying if you're doing it for a set time rather than what feels like an age of misery.

The difficult thing is to keep going even if you're worried about the other people in the house being woken, but again I'd perservere because once you've got the sleeping routine established it's bliss for all. On the best nights when I had to keep going for 3 hours of controlled crying I found it easier to sit up watching a movie while watching the clock and accept that I wouldn't be in bed for a while rather than getting more and more cross each time I got out of bed.

Good luck. And PS I'm up for cake-making not the children who've been asleep for 5 hours - lucky sods.

[stressed out]

Thank you all for your replies, Gathorne, i have that book and i totally agree, it's an excellent book, most precise and i have read quite a few! To Tradey, ithis is exactly what happens with us, as soon as i get to the door he's jumped out of bed and by the door too!

I don't have a gate upstairs but i don't think it would make much of a difference as he opens other doors and runs in and out! Since i posted this something serious has happened, thursday night after his usual fight to go to bed he actually managed to go in the bathroom, turn on the hot tap, climb in and scald his leg and foot badly with all the skin peeling off and i sat in A&E for over 3 hours, got home at 6.30am! He needs to keep being seen by the nurse to have his bandage changed. As you can imagine, i'm at the end of my tether and i don't know what else to do. I took the side of his cotbed yesterday and raised the matress hoping that would make him feel a bit more secure but i had the same drama last night. I don't know what the problem could be.

[fasttimes]

its late for me to reply,but relax ..........2 come on,dont try and understand it,its just that you cant relax with it,try again,babies are all different,but to shout and scream always the same sum total 0,,set a routine again a new one ,my wife always put kids to bed 6-7oclock,you are under pressure cus kids usually go to sleep after last feed ,if your baby needs you ,well time to be an adult and cope,it will soon pass,give the baby time and a chance ,chance and eh itll all be ok good heart

[Beachangels]

Hi,

I read in one reply about leaving your child in the bedroom for certain amounts of increasing time, my wife and I use this method on those 'bad' settling nights but we start with 5 mins then 10 mins then 15 mins. This has worked for us so far.

As for crawling out of bed, we haven't had to deal with that problem, but have seen a solution which seems to work very well. You put your child to bed and then sit on the bedroom floor, but do not make any eye contact with your child, or respond to any calling out (This IS tough to do, but it works) Every time your child gets out of bed, just pick them up and resettle them, then sit back down on the floor. It may take an hour or 2 the first couple of times, but your child will settle down quickly after a while.

Personally I wouldn't recommend any drinks/bottles in the bed. The child needs to realise they can resettle themselves without any aids.

Good luck with parenthood !

[mollymandy]

Be nice to your self . Get out with your friends , do something for you a least one night a week , if your happy baby is happy .Do some exercise eat properly and have some fun !!! let your hairs hang out a bit , if you cant afford it , put on your favourite record and dance around the room one evening a week ...

Go to mums and tots speak to other mums your own age .

[lou 26]

i would totally ignore fasttimes reply, he hasnt a clue about kids. he cant look after his own!

[zippoo12345]

hi my names is brain and I really need help with this one me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 4 months and she told me something that has never happened to me before she told me that she was thinking about stuff that was on her head and to give her time so i gave it to her because I love with all my heart and after she got done thinking about it she told me that she doesnt no mather she is gay or bi so I asked her weather she has ever been with a women she said no but its something that she wants to thank about so put yourself in my shoes and tell me what u would do