Should I interfere?

[froggequene]

A friend of mine suffers from a long term illness, which periodically requires hospitalisation. I was appalled to learn that since she was last discharged from her hospital her only contact with the medical profession has been to obtain her regular prescription from her GP. While I admit that most of the time she is okay, she does need professional help of a specialised kind & she hasn't been receiving it. She recently changed GPs, due to a move but also because she felt a change might help. She discovered by accident that a much needed referral had yet to be made.

From the conversations we have had about this new GP I wonder how much she has really told the GP, or if this person has actually read her notes, or if my friend is even telling me the truth to be honest. As my friend lives alone & her family live in another country, in times of need she is very dependent on friends & professionals to provide support, comfort & the necessities. As friends we try to help but I know she only heeds our advice or seeks our help when it suits. I don't think she'll pay any more attention to the professionals but I feel some sort of effort should be made to get her the help she needs.

I would like to write to her GP to urge this person to make the referral, to explain the situation as I see it & outline the help I believe she needs. Would I be overstepping the mark if I did this?

[woofgang]

Yes you would, especially if you did it without your friend's knowledge and permission.

You don't say what kind of illness your friend has, but I am assuming that within law she is competent to make her own decisions (ie not covered by a court of protection order) and that she is adult; also that you live in the UK

If this is the case then what she does or doesn't do is UP TO HER. If she wants to pursue the unmade referral then that is up to her too.

With respect, and I only know what you have told me, it may be that a part of the problem is that she does rely on her friends to support her instead of taking more responsibility for her own care. If she only wants or consults you when it suits her and you suspect that she has chosen not to tell her new GP everything, or she may be lying to you, it seems to me that there is not a lot that you or anyone else can do at present

Last point is that you say "the situation as I see it" and also say that your friend may be lying to you so the actual situation may be very different?

I work in the health service and deal with anxious friends and relatives in similar situations on a daily basis. Believe me I know whereof I speak!

[littlemissx]

i am assuming this is a mental health problem.

what i would do is contact your friends cmht and tell them how you feel. they wont be able to discuss any info with you but they can listen to what info you have.

if you feel your friend is in crisis then maybe contact the mh crisis team... you can get this number from any gp surgery.

i wont write any more as i may be wrong and this may not be a mental health problem at all and i may be reading into it wrong but i will keep an eye out for your response and give you more detailed info on what to do if it is

[asteroid99]

I think all you can do is talk to your friend and urge her to pursue this with her GP, if she decides against this, then it's her health, her decision I'm afraid.

[froggequene]

Yes, it is a mental illness and my experience of the health services in her area is that they are absolutely appalling, she was failed absolutely spectacularly by some of the officers in the mental health services the last time she had to be hospitalised and she wasn't the only traumatised by the experience.

I'm sure she'll pursue the referral but as this is the second GP she's had to pursue it with I don't hold out much hope.

[littlemissx]

i work within the mental health. can i ask what area your friend is from??

[froggequene]

Thank you for your advice in a pickle, I have decided against writing to her GP, after further thought I don't think it will help & I don't need them thinking I'm some sort of crank, I'm just going to 'sit on my hands', no matter how difficult it is & hope for the best. I hope both you and your partner are receiving the treatment you deserve.

I prefer not to say where she's from Littlemissx, shall we just say one of the places she was treated was a well known hospital near London Bridge & it is a hospital within that PCT.

[Ethmer]

If your friend suffered serious harm possibly because you didn't "meddle", would you feel right?

i would meddle in whatever way was necessary on her behalf.