My friend is dating a loser - do I interfere?

[mrs_overall]

This loser was married and was jailed for assaulting his wife. She divorced him and after prison he moved away. A couple of years ago he reappeared with a new woman in tow. He assaulted her and kicked her puppy to death. He's just been released from his 2nd prison term and is now dating a friend of mine. She knows his background but says he's changed. (I should mention she's a wealthy widow & he's living in a hostel.) Should I interfere or keep my nose out?

[B00]

Does she know any of his background? If she doesn't then yes I'd tell her. If she does, then she's obviously accepted him for what he is.

Personally I'd have to break his kneecaps for kicking a puppy to death, but that's just me.

[daffy654]

I would definitely interfere if it was me,at least make your thoughts about the man known to your friend and advise her to be careful with her money.Most of all let her know you will be there for her if it all goes wrong.

[mrs_overall]

Yes, she knows his history but has fallen for his lines of "They drove me to it" and "it's all behind me, I'm a changed man" etc etc. It's only 14 months since her husband died, her youngest has just gone off to Uni and she's a sitting target for this moron.

[China Doll]

She knows his background mrs_overall and is a grown woman, as her friend you need to keep your nose out.

I say this not from an unfeeling point of view but if you start sticking your ore in then if gets in to trouble or needs help etc... she's not going to feel like she can come to you if you start on her case now.

Make your feeligns known politely and tactfully once. Then just be there for her.

[B00]

Then there's nothing you can do Mrs O- untill she see's the twonk for what he is she'll only fall out with you if you try to intervene.

Just be there for her when it all goes pear shaped, and pray she's still got all her dosh when it does!

[mrs_overall]

China - your answer is just what I wanted to hear. I'll tactfully say my bit and then retire to the sidelines ready to pick up the pieces.

[China Doll]

Good girl, sounds like a plan.

[mrs_overall]

Thanks also to Boo & Daffy. xx

[Psychick]

I agree with China Doll and BOO, be there for her when she needs you, lets just hope it isnt for the reasons you are expecting, ie, after hes given her a beating. Until then its oging to best for you and your friend if you stay out of it. If you go in telling your friend exactly what you think, and he gets to know about it, it could cause serious problems for both your friend and you.

Having said that, what is she thinking by even giving such an animal the time of day?

[mrs_overall]

He's a piece of scum, psychick, but he's also very plausible, a charmer and very good looking. As I said, I think my friend is still vunerable and he's homed in on this.

[Psychick]

Lets hope she comes to her senses before he does any damage such as con all of her money out of her or done any physical or mental damage then mrs_overall.

[Octavius]

Whilst my sentiments remain as most of those above, he may very well turn out to be a changed man, and one that makes her very happy. I should confide that you are concerned for her as a friend and have yet to instil as much trust in his reformed nature as she has, that you remain cautious and will be there should she need you. With that kind of support she won�t need to stick with it to prove a point, blame you for not being a proper friend, and if it does really work out, respect the fact that you treated her as an adult and let her make her own good, or bad choices as a good friend.

[Le Chat]

The greatest predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. If this bloke has just suddenly announced that he's changed but has not had any valid length of time in order to create a new history, so to speak, then she needs to be very, very weary.
My alarm bells started ringing loudly when I read your words "They drove me to it..." No responsibility taken for his actions if he is spouting this kind of rubbish.
As the others have said mrs_overall, your concern for your friend is admirable and you'll be that wonderful soft place to fall when it happens.
Your friend does know all this inside her heart of course but she doesn't want to acknowlege it because she is lonely and probably has some self esteem issues.
Would you be bold enough to show her this thread - or do you think she would show you the door?

[mountainboo]

What a complete *******, definately interfere mrs o, I cant believe he kicked a poor puppy to death, I think someone should do the same to him, the scum. Sorry, I adore animals. Give him a kick in the teeth from me when you see him

[mibn2cweus]

Looks as though you both have made bad choices in who to have for a friend. A healthy friendship is based on a mutually beneficial relationship. I would start looking for a better friend with the hope that this friend of yours will reevaluate the basis of her friendships and follow your example. At this point I would accept that hope is all that's left of your friendship with this friend of a brutal puppy killer.

The use or threat of force is never justified even when such is deemed to be in the best interest of the recipient. When an appeal to reason proves inadequate then there is no longer any reason to further pursue a relationship. You owe it to yourself to minimise the number of victims claimed by that madman.

Whatever you choose to do I respect your judgment as much as that of your friend for without good judgment there�s nothing left to lose.

[mrs_overall]

Thanks for all your answers, you wonderful people.
My mind is made up to say my piece once, and then let it rest and be there for her to pick up the pieces. I have a gut feeling she will be needing her friends sooner or later.
LeChat - no, I don't have the courage to show her this. She would view it as an act of disloyalty for me to be discussing her life, even with strangers.