Suicidal Thoughts

[Ripley58]

I experienced a psychotic episode last year and began hearing voices. I am also taking anti-depressants, but for the first time I have begun to feel suicidal. My mother has recently entered a home because she is suffering from dementia, my best friend is very seriously ill and my brother and I are no longer communicating. I do not have close family or friends to call upon and sadly I've never been popular and able to mix with people comfortably. At 50, the sense of loneliness and despair is all engulfing and I feel it's all too much and that my life and future prospects are never going to improve. I accept I sound like a self obsessed whinger, but I'm at the end of my tether and just don't know what to do.

[Ice.Maiden]

Good one, Ripley. Just pour it all out, and I hope that in itself helps to ease your mind.

[sense4all]

We have a relative who has clinical depression... the long term , tablets for the rest of their lives depression (not I am feeling a bit down sort ).

Well done you for recognising that you need some extra assistance ... now phone the surgery for an appointment and when you are in there tell them you need help right now not a tea and sympathy approach . Tell them about the suicidal thoughts ... they should be there to help, although I know that a lot of mental health patients have to advocate for themselves at the very time they feel least like doing it ... be honest and ask the receptionist if you are with a group practice if any of the partners have mental health as one of their specialisms ... that helps a lot.
I typed suicidal thoughts in ask.co uk, and there were lots of links here and in the US of A.

http://dailystrength.org/c/Depression/support- group

even if you just read the others' 'stories' it helps you to realise you are not suffering alone really. By the way a lot of the things that you are experiencing would knock even the best balanced folks off kilter!!!


http://www.samaritans.org/


http://www.have-a-heart.com/suicide.html

http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/ment alhealth/depression/feelingsuicidal

just to see what others think.
Go on take that first step, love Sense.

[MiniN]

have the samaritans helped at all?

you're not alone feeling how you do, as you can see from everyones posts. depression touches everyone in one way or another.

my older brother was bullied at high school and became depressed because of it. I used to worry so much about he might do something to harm himself and if he was ever late home i used to think the worse. he never did anything thank god, but it took him moving continent to make himself better.

there is so much hope for you Ripley, i know things seem dark now but it can and will get back if you work at it. at 50, you are still young and can achieve so much. you have too much to leave behind. your mother and friend still need you.

let us know if any of us can help.

x

[Hellyon]

Ripley - as you can see from the repsonses here you are NOT alone, there are lots of lovely people on here that truly care about what happens to you, and there is usually someone here 24/7. Ring the Samaritans who are professionals, ring your Doctor too and get help, but also come on here and talk to all of us lot, (not everyone is nice -we ignore them!) but the majority will only too gladly help you through this miserable time.

Mwah and a big hug x

[shivvy]

Hi Ripley, I just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing absolutely the right thing by looking for help.
You will get help by following all the great advice you have been given already.
If you can't get an appointment with your GP this afternoon then get yourself to the hospital (Accident & Emergency). When you get to talk to a doctor, tell him/her everything that you have said here - and more if you can. The more info you can give about how you are feeling the better it will be for the doctor to decide what is best for you.
Lots of people understand what you are going through and are keen to help. Please come back on here and let us know how things are going for you.
Take care.

[Ripley58]

Well, I've chatted with a woman from the Samaritans and I do feel she has helped take the edge off my suicidal thoughts and I feel slightly less intense about things. I may be guilty of expecting too much from a half hour chat because I was hoping to feel much better, but I suppose I should be content with small, incremental steps forward, away from this negativity. Thank you all for your advice and kind words(they certainly helped). I will contact my GP this afternoon and take things from there. Your help is much appreciated and how I wish I could make friends and chat as easily in real life as I have managed on here today. You have been very kind and I thank you all.

[4GS]

Glad you're feeling better

[tiggerblue10]

I'm glad to hear that your chat with the Samaritans has taken the edge off the horrible thoughts. Good luck with the doctors later.

Keep us up to date on your progress Ripley xxx

[daffy654]

I'm glad you feel a little better now Ripley. If you feel you need to talk again then just come back on here,there is always someone around to chat to. I hope your GP gives you the help and support you obviously need.x

[Theland]

Hi Ripley - I'm going through a bad patch myself and posted on Body & Soul yesterday to have a good moan.
I got some really marvelous and supportive responses and good advice, and it helped a great deal - almost like a mutual support group, only the cyber version.
I wish you well, you are not alone.

[shivvy]

Hi Ripley, Glad you got to chat to someone at the Samaritans - they are great. I hope it has gone well with your GP this afternoon too.
I know that you say that you wish you could "make friends and chat in real life" as easily as you have managed on this site, but talking is talking and whether it is with someone who is sitting beside you or someone on this site, it is still good. Although there are some real plonkers on here at times, the vast majority of people are good and kind and they care about how you are feeling.
Come back and chat anytime you feel like it - one of the real benefits of the internet (and sites like this) is that there is always someone ready to talk and listen - day or night.
Take good care.
Shivvy

[lil123]

I think you are very brave and have done extremely well x
I had a episode last year like this when I was living in a refuge
I think my mind had just had enough
Luckily the staff there spotted it just in time as I had planned to kill myself and didn't tell anyone
Recently I have been feeling really low again as although I have my own place now I often have a feeling like a pain inside that no matter what I do it is always there
I am trying desperately to get employment again and this is stressful in itself
My little 2 year old boy keeps me going and if it wasn't for him I know I would have done what I planned last year
I wish you all the best xx

[smiffy65]

http://www.communigate.co.uk/wilts/sacs/page2. phtml

please take 5 minutes to read this ripley

[Theland]

Good morning Ripley - I hope you are feeling a little better today. Do try and post again, as you can see, there are lots of folk rooting for you.

[daffy654]

Morning ripley,i'd love to know if things are looking any brighter to you this morning. I was thinking about you all day yesterday,I hope you managed to access some help yesterday. Keep well.xxx

[Ripley58]

Hi Theland and Daffy. I did feel slightly better this morning, but that has all been upset since I visited my mum in the care home. She was fine for most of my visit ,but became quite agitated towards the end and I felt unable to really help. It left me feeling useless once more. I just cannot see my circumstances improving and whats more, I feel completely lost in this hi-tech, get up and go world. It seems like it's back to square one and I've just got to plod on through as best I can. It's so upsetting to feel this useless. I am so alone and so incredibly unhappy, I just despair at ever finding some pleasurable moments in my life once more. Please excuse the self indulgent gripe through tears.

[daffy654]

Hi ripley,i'm glad you found the time to update us on how you are doing. Its very sad that your mum is in the situation she is and that you have to see her like that.Are there any support groups in your area for the families of people with dementia. I bet there are thousands of people who feel like you do and would love to be able to help you. If you can let me know what general area you live in I will do a web search for support groups and give you some links to visit.It will have to be in an hour or so though as I have to go fetch my son from school in 5 minutes.xxx

[Theland]

Now listen carefully Ripley. You cry all you want and if you feel sorry for yourself, then that's O.K. as well. Make sure you keep on posting on here, and if you feel like getting angry, then do so, let it all out.
I'm going through a bad patch myself, honestly I feel terrible, but having a moan and a laugh and a joke, and yes, even a heated debate on other threads really helps me along, so just keep pounding away at the keyboard and I look forward to hearing from you.

[fine,thanks]

hi ripley, i know you know you will never ever feel well again i know you feel useless and so sad, but just one person or agency or help line will assist you to take small steps. dont dwell on tomorrow, just think about the rest of today, deal with tomorrow when it comes, heres a thought might you not be useless and self indulgent ? not to me your not. take care.

[Ripley58]

I'm on the London/Hertfordshire border. I'm really grateful to you for your support, daffy 654. I just wish I could feel so comfortable communicating with people other than on the internet. I tend to isolate myself because I am so nervous and anxious all the time. It has ruined my life, which is why I am feeling so desperate now. Whether I could meet people face to face is a problem, too. I am very aware that I am unattractive and people don't usually respond well to me. I know that sounds paranoid, but it is the way my mind is working these days.