Brave or cruel?

[{Dakota}]

The was a story in a magazine I bought a couple of weeks ago about a couple who had a 16 year old son who had cancer. He went into remission but it came back a while later and he had approximately 6 months to live.

Upon hearing the news, the parents made the decision not to tell their son so that he wouldn't be thinking about his death but instead took him on holiday and spent those 6 months making him happy.

They only told his grandparents and his Aunt and Uncle the truth and they grieved for their son's fate in private.

Right until the very end, they did not tell their son what was happening and when he started to get weak and very ill, they told him it was still the effects from his chemo from the last bout of cancer he had.

Do you think he deserved to know the truth and be able to say goodbye to his friends and family or do you agree with how they handled it?

[stonemonkey]

Hello Dakota

That's a good question - I'm sure the parents thought they were helping him by letting him live the time out without the misery of knowing he was dying. They must have known their son well enough to know it was the right thing to do.

If I was dying and my husband knew, I think it would be good if he didn't tell me. I worry a lot and I'd find it hard to enjoy what time I had left. On the other hand, I think I'd guess something was wrong if he suddenly told me we could do all the things I had ever wished for.

I don't think the boy's parents were cruel. I think they acted out of love.

[CheekyChops]

I guess it's a very difficult decision to make. I would imagine that a 16 year old would have a pretty good idea anyway...

My nan died from stomach cancer about 10 years ago. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer and recommended for an operation - her children took the decision not to tell her about the terminal bit, on the basis that she would 'give up' if she knew. The op was supposed to give her an extra 6 months to live and in reality she died pretty much 6 months to the day. At the time, I agreed with their decision but now I think I would rather have been told.

Another situation - one of my customers has cancer of the nose and because of where it is, it is obvious that something isn't right. Although she is really upset, she is glad that she has been told exactly what it is and what the outlook is so that she can enjoy the time she has left - take holidays, spend all her money and not worry etc. At first, she was told she had polyps which could be removed.

I think it is a decision that is probably different for everyone, depending on circumstances. Personally I would rather be told so that I could do things now that maybe I wouldn't do if I thought I had plenty more years to do them in. Even for a 16 year old, he could have told his family how much he loved them, said goodbye to his friedns, planned what he wanted at his funeral etc...

I guess that what I am trying to say is that I think he should have been told the truth.

[Ice.Maiden]

I agree with stonemonkey.

[Hermia]

My dad died of terminal cancer and they doctors refused to tell us or him how long he had. We were really angry at the time, but in retrospect we realised he was right. The doctor said that when people know the date they tend to just watch the clock instead of getting on with life. We found out later that he was only expected to live 4 months, but he lived 8 months. I do wonder whether we would have done some of the things we did with him (took him for days out etc.) if we had known how close to death he was.