ChatterBank1 min ago
feeling low
23 Answers
my baby is 4weeks old i have been feeling low latley, im breast feeding and she wants feeding every hour and half to 2hours through the nite i feel like by the time i fed her changed her nappy got her back to sleep as she hates hers moses basket, its time to do it all over again and i havent even had chance to get back to sleep, my partner works 8-6 so i he doesnt get up in the nite and i dont expect him to! but i feel like i cant talk to anyone as my family are constntly telling me how proud they are of me for coping so well, but im not all i want to do is cry i try keep myself busy so i dont think about it which means i dont get chance to sleep in the day either while she is sleeping, becus if i stop and try and sleep all i do is think about it and cry im also not eating:( I get offered alot of help from my family and partner but i cant take it as i really want to do it myself so i no its done proply and i also like doing it becus dont get me wrong i love my baby. any advice?
Answers
Best Answer
No best answer has yet been selected by carliex. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.
To be brief, stop being silly and accept any help that your family offers you. If they want to do some shopping, ironing, housework, cooking etc. let them while you catch up on some sleep. Maybe your baby picks up on your constant crying and this unsettles her or maybe she needs a top up bottle feed to help her sleep longer at night;
Just to add, our grandson is 7months old and lately has been waking a lot at night, probably through teething, and my husband or I will go round of an afternoon and babysit so our daughter in law can catch up with some sleep. We certainly don't think any less of her for accepting some help.
Just to add, our grandson is 7months old and lately has been waking a lot at night, probably through teething, and my husband or I will go round of an afternoon and babysit so our daughter in law can catch up with some sleep. We certainly don't think any less of her for accepting some help.
Carly, you are knackered, and not surprisingly. Dont be proud, let the family and your partner help, they will be tickled pink at the chance and it will help the baby to bond with other members of the family.
You possibly have a touch of the baby blues. Do you meet up with other new mums.? Can you talk to your Health Visitor?
Believe me Carly, you are not the first to feel like this and IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BAD MUM. Sorry to shout, but I wanted to emphasise the point cause this maybe how you are feeling.
Babies don't come with a handbook, and if its your first its hugely scarey, wanting to do your best. I know when I had mine I was totally inexperienced
If you are having problems feeding baby, phone your Health Visitor. Do it now before you change your mind. Loads of us have had problems with newborns, they havent read the instructions either, Some babies aren't easy either.
Sweety, you aren't on your own. Let your family and partner help. Others on here with little ones will also add their advice and reassurance, and please keep in touch. Having a baby is the most wonderful thing in the world, but also the most terrifying
You possibly have a touch of the baby blues. Do you meet up with other new mums.? Can you talk to your Health Visitor?
Believe me Carly, you are not the first to feel like this and IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BAD MUM. Sorry to shout, but I wanted to emphasise the point cause this maybe how you are feeling.
Babies don't come with a handbook, and if its your first its hugely scarey, wanting to do your best. I know when I had mine I was totally inexperienced
If you are having problems feeding baby, phone your Health Visitor. Do it now before you change your mind. Loads of us have had problems with newborns, they havent read the instructions either, Some babies aren't easy either.
Sweety, you aren't on your own. Let your family and partner help. Others on here with little ones will also add their advice and reassurance, and please keep in touch. Having a baby is the most wonderful thing in the world, but also the most terrifying
Sorry to hear you are feeling low. I'm not sure I can offer any practical advice, seeing as I'm still pregnant with my first.
Perhaps you should speak to your health visitor or Midwife. I don't know how often babies need to be fed, but perhaps baby is particularly hungry and needs additional formula.
Maybe baby feels insecure in the moses basket. Perhaps you could try massaging after bathing and swaddling to make her feel more secure. I suppose birth can be quite traumatic for a baby when it's spent months feeling secure in the womb.
No mother is Superwoman, so don't feel you are a failure by accepting help. You need to look after yourself as well, so eating and sleeping properly are vital.
Perhaps you should speak to your health visitor or Midwife. I don't know how often babies need to be fed, but perhaps baby is particularly hungry and needs additional formula.
Maybe baby feels insecure in the moses basket. Perhaps you could try massaging after bathing and swaddling to make her feel more secure. I suppose birth can be quite traumatic for a baby when it's spent months feeling secure in the womb.
No mother is Superwoman, so don't feel you are a failure by accepting help. You need to look after yourself as well, so eating and sleeping properly are vital.
Ok...first of all I have been there, seen it, done it and worn the breastmilk stained T-shirt!! I really do understand and feel for you.
First things first...if you are not eating properly then your milk quality will be poor and your little one wont be fully satisfied! So eat!
You are wearing yourself out and for what...appearances. Do not bother. It is not worth it. If the baby sleeps then you sleep...simple. If you cant sleep have a bath and read a book. Sod the housework. I am right and its advice that saved my sanity when it was given to me.
Your hormones are up the spout and its natural to cry...its not like in the books and on TV where you look fabulous all the time and your house is spotless...we are mere mortals and live in the real world.
This phase will pass and you will feel better.
Accept help. If you want to do the majority of the baby care fine, but accept help in other area...housework, shopping etc.
My children also hated a moses basket so try something else...put her in a proper cot...moses basket mattresses are very thin and the whole design is flimsy...perhaps she needs to feel more comfortable and secure.
If you are really low then speak to your GP or HV...there is no shame in it and you would be surprised at how may mums feel the same way.
In fact I used to run a parent and toddler group with at least 40 people regularly attending each session...I remember making a comment about how I had been diagnosed with ante natal depression and to my absolute surprise 17 others were in the same boat and it was women who looked like they were totally in control and the perfect mother!!
Your lovely family will be even more proud of you for admitting that you need a little bit of help....
I hope that you will accept some of the advice given and get some rest for goodness sake...you will be a much better mummy if you are well rested.
Let us know how you are and take care...it does
First things first...if you are not eating properly then your milk quality will be poor and your little one wont be fully satisfied! So eat!
You are wearing yourself out and for what...appearances. Do not bother. It is not worth it. If the baby sleeps then you sleep...simple. If you cant sleep have a bath and read a book. Sod the housework. I am right and its advice that saved my sanity when it was given to me.
Your hormones are up the spout and its natural to cry...its not like in the books and on TV where you look fabulous all the time and your house is spotless...we are mere mortals and live in the real world.
This phase will pass and you will feel better.
Accept help. If you want to do the majority of the baby care fine, but accept help in other area...housework, shopping etc.
My children also hated a moses basket so try something else...put her in a proper cot...moses basket mattresses are very thin and the whole design is flimsy...perhaps she needs to feel more comfortable and secure.
If you are really low then speak to your GP or HV...there is no shame in it and you would be surprised at how may mums feel the same way.
In fact I used to run a parent and toddler group with at least 40 people regularly attending each session...I remember making a comment about how I had been diagnosed with ante natal depression and to my absolute surprise 17 others were in the same boat and it was women who looked like they were totally in control and the perfect mother!!
Your lovely family will be even more proud of you for admitting that you need a little bit of help....
I hope that you will accept some of the advice given and get some rest for goodness sake...you will be a much better mummy if you are well rested.
Let us know how you are and take care...it does
Carlie,
speak to your health visitor about how you are feeling it could be PND but you really need to try and accept help when its offered.
I dont see why your partner cant help? OK he cant breast feed but do you express at all? The fact that your partner works is no excuse, he needs to help out whenever needed, one feed in the night is not going to hurt him at all.
Those first weeks are exhausting and i was same as you and didnt eat for a couple of weeks after my second was born, it doesnt help at all, believe me.
Is there anywhere that baby will settle, have you tried a pram during the day? or perhaps put something youve worn into the moses basket, i cuddle a soft toy under your jumper and then put in with baby so that she thinks you are still close.
speak to your health visitor about how you are feeling it could be PND but you really need to try and accept help when its offered.
I dont see why your partner cant help? OK he cant breast feed but do you express at all? The fact that your partner works is no excuse, he needs to help out whenever needed, one feed in the night is not going to hurt him at all.
Those first weeks are exhausting and i was same as you and didnt eat for a couple of weeks after my second was born, it doesnt help at all, believe me.
Is there anywhere that baby will settle, have you tried a pram during the day? or perhaps put something youve worn into the moses basket, i cuddle a soft toy under your jumper and then put in with baby so that she thinks you are still close.
Nothing much to add to the expert advice offered thus far.
Sleep deprivation is recognised as a very effective torture - and now you know why!
Do take the help that is offered - it involves everyone who loves you and your baby, so that has to be a good thing.
And remember, no-one is waiting with a gold medal because you did it all yourself!
Take it easier, have some help, and enjoy your baby. It's damned hard, but so worth it!
Sleep deprivation is recognised as a very effective torture - and now you know why!
Do take the help that is offered - it involves everyone who loves you and your baby, so that has to be a good thing.
And remember, no-one is waiting with a gold medal because you did it all yourself!
Take it easier, have some help, and enjoy your baby. It's damned hard, but so worth it!
any chance your partner could do the occasional 2am feed for you and let you sleep through? I know it'd be difficult for him to do it on a regular basis and still work long days but maybe once or twice a week would give you a little break?
And like Rosetta said, you're not a bad mum! Just a tired one.
And like Rosetta said, you're not a bad mum! Just a tired one.
thanx for all your advice, i do make sure i dont get upset around my baby and i always play with her so she doesnt pick up me being upset, its just hard to ask for help when all he family keep telling me how proud they are becus they never coped aswel as me and they couldnt breast feed for this long and to ask for help makes me feel like im letting them down, there always commenting on how much of a happy baby she is! becus im only 20 i also feel so paranoid that people will think its no wonder your not coping well your to young feel people look at me when im pushing the pram thinking im a young girl from a ruff family becus i have baby so i also feel obsessed with making sure shes clean and decently dressed and me to.
4 weeks old is also a standard flash point for a growth spurt, so she may ease up in a week or so.
My youngest little monkey was up every 2 hours, unfortuntely for the first 8 months. While I always did the night time work, I expressed milk for the day so that if I needed a lil snooze while parents visited, or my ex was around I could.
My youngest little monkey was up every 2 hours, unfortuntely for the first 8 months. While I always did the night time work, I expressed milk for the day so that if I needed a lil snooze while parents visited, or my ex was around I could.
why doesn't your partner get up during the night?
I used to get up at 6 in the morning get ready drive 75miles to work, finish at 17.30 drive 75miles home which meat i wasnt home till after 7 at night and still did at least 2 feeds during the night and im not someone who can get away with not sleeping much at night.
I also know many other dads who did exactly the same
I used to get up at 6 in the morning get ready drive 75miles to work, finish at 17.30 drive 75miles home which meat i wasnt home till after 7 at night and still did at least 2 feeds during the night and im not someone who can get away with not sleeping much at night.
I also know many other dads who did exactly the same
my partner doesnt wake up for anything she can be screaming and will sleep through it so i figure im awake anyway there no point waking him up aswell, plus i dont want him tired on the motaway and he get home makes tea and does things like stacking the dish washer thing i find hard to do as im still struggling after having asection.
go to bed at 9, he can get up around midnight do a feed put her to bed get back to sleep and then up at 6 thats 8 hours sleep and you get an extra hour in bed, it is his responsibility as much as yours and if you dont sort it out your only going to get worse and thats when accidents happen.
Who is going to look after the baby when your in hospital or deemed unsafe to look after the baby
Who is going to look after the baby when your in hospital or deemed unsafe to look after the baby
thats an good idea thanx :). i just got to get over watching over him when hes doin anything for her so that i can sleep through him feeding or changing her becus normaly if he is changing her i wake up and watch him and make sure hes doing it proply and when hes cleaning her bottles i have to clean them again after him becus i feel if im doing it i know its done proply, he made a comment the other day that washing her bottles with boiled kettle water was silly theres nothing wrong with tap water so i have to watch him maybe im just bein over protective?
washing them in tap water is fine, it doesnt need to be boiled water because they are sterilised afterwards.
When you feed her during the night, only change her bum if nappy full or shes done a poo (unless of course she has nappy rash). Feed her in semi darkness and dont talk to her. It may help her work out the difference between night and day which in turn may help you get that bit more rest between feeds.
When you feed her during the night, only change her bum if nappy full or shes done a poo (unless of course she has nappy rash). Feed her in semi darkness and dont talk to her. It may help her work out the difference between night and day which in turn may help you get that bit more rest between feeds.
Another coping strategy - if you can get a really comfy chair near the bab'es cot, keep yourself a supply of biscuits and maybe a soft drink nearby, and if the little B wants to feed let him, while you can nod off in the chair.
Leave the housework. Let it pile up, someone else can do it. Feed babe, eat, sleep - this is all you should concentrate on until a better pattern emerges.
It will pass.
Leave the housework. Let it pile up, someone else can do it. Feed babe, eat, sleep - this is all you should concentrate on until a better pattern emerges.
It will pass.
take the help you are offered... i wasnt offered any help with my first baby who was feeding every 2-3 hours day and night.. i do sympathise with you.. take help from family and rest when you can. i also wanted to do it all myself for fear of being a bad mum, but you have to rest...and that doesnt mean you are a bad mum-you are being a responsible person for realising that you need the help.
accept all offers of help and just concentrate on you and baby, if youre breastfeeding you dont need bottles or a sterilizer.
the dust will still be there when you need to dust and other people do know how a hoover works, sit back and let it happen, eat and drink well and enjoy this baby.
if theres room put the cot next to the bed then you just reach out, feed her and put her back, make life easy for yourself and if you need to, talk to your hv.
if you have had a section, you should be resting every moment you get to heal properly.
the dust will still be there when you need to dust and other people do know how a hoover works, sit back and let it happen, eat and drink well and enjoy this baby.
if theres room put the cot next to the bed then you just reach out, feed her and put her back, make life easy for yourself and if you need to, talk to your hv.
if you have had a section, you should be resting every moment you get to heal properly.
