i want this to end

[gossipgirl]

my son who is 8 now has been soiling his pants on and off since potty training really, ive been to see a specialist and followed her advce and for a while it worked. Over the past 2 or 3 weeks hes been doing it again, and his reasons for doing it are that hes playing his games or he was out playing and didnt want to come in. Tonight i went into his room to see if he wanted a snack before bed and it stank in there....he had soiled himself! I was furious, sent him to the bathroom to clear himself up and shower and to clean his own pants. I ,yelled,shouted, cried and even smacked him for doing it and out of temper i even told him that i was beginning to hate him {which i know i should never had said} but im really at my wits end with him. What bothers me the most though is that he sees no shame in doing it, he will even sit all day in his mess and go into friend houses knowing what hes done, it seems like he really doesnt care. Has anyone else had this problem, and what did you do? I cant go on like this anymore, its putting a strain on us all and im really starting to lose it.

[clio57]

Oh poor you and poor him. Could it be that he appears not to care because he can't help doing it and doesn't know what to do when he is out i.e. hopes that nobody will notice?

You really need to go back to the specialist as soon as you can. Children can be really cruel and you don't want him to have this hanging over him.

[terambulan]

is it nerves and fears....is he being bullied?

[gossipgirl]

the kids on the street have picked up on his problem and he has been picked on for it, but funnily enough he has never done it in school, so we know he does have control over it and that he is just being ''lazy''. its sooooo frustrating because we though it was all behind us and now hes doing it again.

[reefgal]

loads of info here: http://www.handsonscotland.co.uk/topics/toilet ing/soiling.html

[gossipgirl]

weve talked about bullying, and wether hes nervous about something and both me, my partner and the specialist are confident that thats not the issue. He is a really popular kid and does well in school, he only gets picked on when the kids on the street smell it on him, but surely you would think this would make him stop.

[terambulan]

attention seeking.....refuse to feed him if this is the result. Each day he does it cut the food 'cause he's obviously over-fed. He'll soon change his ways ;)

[pinktwink]

take him to GP to rule out any physical causes. Some parents believe soiling is attention seeking but it may be physical also. If all clear seek referral to local child guidance clinic. Best not to punish him as you are still rewarding by negative means.

[gossipgirl]

thanks reefgal that has been quite helpful and thanks everyone else for your suggestions x

[treborrobert]

well what can i say ... 8 year old ... you shout scream hit him tell him you hate him ....being bullied at school....DO I REALY HAVE TO TELL YOU THE PROBLEM !!...

you are telling me kids at school know he has the problem..have you any idea what stick he will be geting at school...and he comes home to you !!

let me tell you lady i think you should start all over again..give him love hugs kisses tell him its a problem we both will try to stop.. and tell him you will never hit him again.. make yourself be not just his mother but his best friend as well ..when you done that only then will you start to see changes....THINK !!! READ YOUR STATEMENT AGAIN AND SEE IF YOU CAN READ WHAT I CAN SEE..A YOUNG BOY WITH A PROBLEM THAT EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT ..HE HAS DUG HIMSELF A BIG HOLE FELL IN IT AND CARNT GET OUT ...WILL YOU HELP HIM OUT !!!....HE IS NOT STUPID OR LAZY OR DOING IT BECAUSE HE DONT CARE...TRUST ME HE IS DEPREST ....FOR GOD SAKE HE IS 8 YEAR OLD BOY

[ladyalex]

You, your son and your partner need help. Get another referral from your GP to your local Child Clinical Psychologist.
Meanwhile have a look here:

http://www.eric.org.uk/

You are not alone.
Good luck, it will probably be a long haul.

[bensmum]

One of mine had a problem when he was about the same age. His problem was that he was almost scared to go so that he got bunged up then used to "leak" and consequently soil himself and smell. Luckily I got him a referral to a good paediatrician who referred him to a specialist unit. he stayed there for 3 weeks while they sorted out the physical problem but he was also seeing a child psychologist and carried on seeing this lovely man for months. Your son may seem as if he doesn't care but he does need help, poor little mite. Try to insist on some psychological help for him. And I do realise that it is frustrating having been there but he is probably very anxious and needs lots of support. Good luck
xxx

[gossipgirl]

message to trebborbert.......... i dont beat my child, ive admitted i smacked him but there is a difference between beating and giving a smack across the hand so your facts straight! Secondly if you read my statement you will se that i said i regretted how i reacted. Thirdly my son is not depressed and thats not only my own opinion but also that of the specialist, the school and he himself has said that hes doing it because he doesnt want to get of his playstation!!!!!!! My son knows i love him and he is in general a very happy boy, he gets lots of hugs and kisses and knows he can come to me about anything! For your information we have a very good relationship and anyone who knows me knows im a good mother. Also for your information it was I WHO WENT TO SOCIAL; SERVICES FOR HELP REGARDING HIOS PROBLEM. who then put my in touch with the specialist. I was told that its a common problem with children and a lot of peoples reactions to this are to lose their temper and lets not forget that ive been dealing with this for 5 years! Are you honestly saying you would not lose your temper after all this time? so i thought id clear that up.......*******!

[annie0000]

Hi,
I had a similar problem with my boys wetting themselves while paying playstation or ds. As you say, it is because they get so engrossed and don't want to leave the game to go to the toilet. I started banning them for the week whenever they wet themselves and also I would make them go to the toilet before they switched it on and go in periodically and pause the game and insist they go to the toilet etc. That seems to have done the trick. Obviously a good deal easier when we are talking about wetting rather than soiling, but does he wet as well? As for losing your temper and smacking him, I have read your comments on both this and the other thread, and I know that you did it out of frustration and that you know that it is not a good thing to have done. I would encourage you to apologise to him for losing your temper just to draw a line under that and move on.

I do think that kids have to realise that not everyone is rational and understanding every minute of every day and that sometimes people get angry, sad etc and that is how life is and we all need to learn to deal with that. I think that if you explain to him that you know what you did was wrong and that you are working on that as much as he needs to work on his problem too. Maybe you could set yourselves a target for a shared reward. i.e. if you don't lose your temper and he keeps his pants clean all week, you could have a trip to the cinema or something that you both enjoy together.

You know the signs of when you are losing it and you need to find an alternative coping strategy, good luck with that.

I hope that you are able to isolate the situations where he does this and try to avoid them so that it breaks the habit and he and you can move on.

[treborrobert]

well i can tell you ive had a bedwetter for 15 years every day 7 days a week for 15 years and one parent ! ...so yes i think i do know ... as for your comment about playstation ...i say rubbish ..if you let him go on the playstation and you know he gets to into it and forgets or carnt be bothered to go to toilet ... i say its you with the problem ..as you know he gets fixed onto something and will not leave till he has completed a level egc ....to me you are to soft or to over the top .....CONTROL !!!...why dont you just do that !!....as for advicers i am sure you know how crap they are ..you dont learn from a book do you !!!.. if you have to ask him every hour on the hour .....do you nead the toilet... he will get sick of you asking....and dont take advice from.. do gooders...be strong and strict ..AND DONT TAKE NO FOR A ANSWER...

[gossipgirl]

we have domne infact we done it every half hour as the specialist said so and its not only if hes on playstation, he can also be watching telly in the same room as us and would do it.....so what do you suggest we sit him in a corner and stare at a wall? Also no disrepect love but if youve been having bed wetting for 15 years then im not going to take advice from you as you obviously didnt take your own advice...hypocrite springs to mind!

[treborrobert]

i will let you know lady my son had alports symdrome kidney disease ....and with that he has to drink lots of water ok ...so we were at a catch 22.. so would you like to comment on that ?,,,,,,,

see every problem has a answer,,, has he got bowel problems have you lookt into that ?? is it runny or hard i carnt see how a 8 year old can sit there and push it out in front of you ???
is it a diet problem is he overwaight ??? underwaight ?? is it a food ?? dairy stuff egc ...look at the bigger picture...i think there is more to this lady ...my son was 9 before we found out he had alports symdrome ... they said he was lazy for 9 years used machines everything .. and in the end it was not him lazy ... i am sorry if you think i am very rude lady ...am not i just listoned to do gooders like you and in the end it was medical problems ...you know your son ...DO YOU REALY THINK HE IS LAZY ???? or is there something wrong ???bowel problems ...please look into it ok

[gossipgirl]

yes i do find you rude and quite patronising...i mean who do you think you are to say ''let me tell you lady'' im not a child that needs telling off thank you very much........end of!

[gbradfield]

hi gossipgirl
reading the replies on here i firstly want to point out that even though you smacked your child this does not constitute as beating so on no certain terms should you be feeling ashamed of this, weve all lost our cool at some point with our children and have smacked them for their wrongdoing. Also i see youve been taking quite a lashing from treb and i agree that he/she sounds extremly patronising, no parent is perfect and i think it would do good if they realised that themselves. They dont know your child so they shouldnt be making presumptions that you haven't gone down every road to pinpoint the issue. I assume you have giving that you eventually went to see a speciallist? You said it worked for a while so its clear that if your child wants to stop then he can, follow the advice given from the speciallist again. Good luck gossip girl and dont take trebs critisims to heart, im sure your a good mum and love your child, were all human and make mistakes, even treb xxx

[treborrobert]

at the end of the day ..you said you smacked him ..and i bet it was on the hand !! ....you mothers make me laught you come on her for advice we tell you you shouldnt smack your kids and tell them you are starting to hate him ... think that would make me **** myself alone....

and you say it was only once ...yes right !!

your son is being abused by you ...hit him ...scream at him..

you do know its against the law to smack your kids !!

weres the dad anyway ?? bet he left......should have took his son with him....and if he is still with you POOR GUY...AND CHILD....what are you going to do next ??? lock him in his room.....rub his nose in it like a dog !!

owww and one more thing ...i child ***** his pants ALL HIS LIFE and has to clean it up himself and all his mates know and school and mum hit him and telling him you hate him !!...AND OWWW YES LAST NOTE ..you think he doesent care,,,HE HAS PROBLY GIVE UP CAREING AFTER 8 YEARS....BAD PARENTS COME TO MIND ...AND AS FOR MY KIDS WELL ..NEVER GOT SMACKED AND NEVER TOLD I HATE THEM .....AND TURNED OUT VERY WELL !!!
your son will probly turn to drugs or beer by 13 year old !!!

and you have the Cheek to call me !!!

ITS YOU THATS THE PROBLEM ....POOR CHILD !!!