relationships.,

[sengas]

please does anyone out there understand the male species , l have been with my partner now for over 18 years lived together him working night's me days and seeing each other at weekends it had to happen that we would fall out have'nt had sex in over 4 years but still doing it for him if you get my drift, please can any man tell me what l am doing wrong he says what with the menopause being depressed all the time l aint no fun anymore, but neither is he l believe we both got in a rut and its much to hard to try and make it work now he aint no brad pitt , me well after putting on a bit weight l have to say could still go out there and get me a man , funny thing is the man l want does'nt seem to want me , how can l make things fun for us again , how do l get my hang up about my weight sorted , l believe we have a future other's say he is only staying till someone else comes along l dont want to be a doormat . l am willing to give it all 6 months if after that it is still the same well look out men l will be on the loose again but can anyone shed any light on my man here at home is he going through a male menopause any advice will be listened to thank you all for listening, a frustrated lady.

[Brinjal]

People can either become closer as the the years go by... Some grow apart, Will take an effort from both of you to rekindle the flame and affection. How about a little holiday together. Get away from the hum drum of daily living

[lil75]

You need to introduce some fun back into your relationship, rekindle what you once had, its obviously still there like a small flame flickering...turn it into a roaring fire!!!

[Hymie]

I don’t normally get involved in relationship questions – since there’s no absolute right or wrong answer, but your predicament moved me to respond.

You have managed 18 years together, many don’t even make half that – so you must have something going for you. But that your partner has not made love to you for such a long time does not bode well. I can understand how you feel, (although I’m a male), it’s a fare bet that you do the lions share of the housework, with both of you going out to work.

I like Brinjal’s suggestion of taking a holiday away together – but you both have to agree the objective of the vacation, otherwise there’s no point. If you do try a holiday, try to make getting to your destination as stress free as possible (even if this involves putting yourself out, for the sake of working things out). It need not be a holiday abroad, but a relaxing long weekend at a good hotel – maybe one that you have stayed at together in the past, during better times. But it sounds like you will have a job getting your other half to agree to such a holiday.

As a last resort, I would have an honest heart to heart with your partner and lay your cards on the table. Making it clear that if he wants nothing to do with you, then you want out. This will force him to decide what he wants.

If you do nothing, then in 6 months time you will be walking out. Have you really thought what this would entail in terms of new living arrangements etc, and the inevitable increased costs for each of you in these tough economic times?

Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck, but in your situation I would be very reluctant to give up on an 18 year relationship without giving it my best shot at making things work. The grass may look greener on the other side – but it rarely is.