Addictions & how they spoil ..

[Quassia]

friendships ect .. I know of two work colleagues (male) ... that have basically tapped me for money. I Fell for it twice with one & once with another. It's so sad when they let you down yet again! I've had to stand my ground and ignore their 'hints' or just outright refuse. It seems if you're female and appear 'nice' .. it's a weakness?? I'm no expert in addiction & I suppose people can get desperate in that position. I suppose you begin to question things.

[ChocolatChip]

You haven't mentioned what kind of addiction they have?
They are desperate people, and its not just because you're a nice woman, they'd do it to anyone/
You just have to stand your ground as you said yourself, and refuse them money.

[Quassia]

Drinking/ gambling. Did I know? .. not really. Neither know each other, both seem to run out of money at least a couple of weeks before they're next paid. Both seem to give plausible excuses, but when a pattern emerges, you start to get wise. Yes may be you are right, you don't 'have' to be female to be taken advantage of .. but I think a female is more easily duped? I'm dissapointed that the good 'craic' we had is now questionable & I now see them in a different light.

[ChocolatChip]

I disagree to an extent, females are probably more 'duped' by males, and vice versa.
Its a very sad situation, but they are obviously not interested in help, and unfortunately they'll probably lose a lot of good friends, family and dignity before they see the light themselves.

[Quassia]

Yes, one of them in fact was kicked out last week ... he gave me his 'version' of what happened,found out more later from a friend of his he's now back home.

[lcg]

everybody knows a blagger and it doesn't matter if you or they are male/female. learn from your mistake, don't give them any more money and reconsider the 'friendship' as they are blatantly using you. simple x

[Quassia]

lcg ... 'Everybody knows a blagger' .. I thought I was a really good judge of character to be honest! It's a real shame, it makes you question your judgement! I'm by no means anyones mug, I suppose I give people the benefit of the doubt the first or second time, then I have no hesitation in letting them know how I feel.

[daisya]

Perhaps it has more to do with not being able to say no, for whatever reason. I'm a bit like that depending on who it's with. However, I would try to make a stand if people asked for money would have to say I never lend or borrow it leads to problems. Not an easy situation is it, I don't think it's a weakness as such, just the fact that saying now can become very difficult so it might be easier to give in rather than upset someone by saying no.

[Quassia]

daisya,
after I lent one of them some money, I said to him .. I will lend you this now, but don't ask me again, lending money spoils friendships!

[Quassia]

By the way, got all money back! I could just see a possible cycle .. didn't want to be part of a their 'lending' circle!

[daisya]

I think if they have an addiction Quassia they wouldn't even consider the outcome of their actions or listen to advice. Such a terrible shame as you rightly say they spoil friendships without a doubt.

[Quassia]

Yes I realise that daisya.