Coworker Mad At Me For Keeping A Selfie...
Business & Finance2 mins ago
funniest joke?
No best answer has yet been selected by indian. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.A true story. This apparently happened when I was young and I've just been reminded of it.
We had a crinckly old neighbour with a black cat and, curiously enough, a besom. I would often visit and help with her shopping and heavier household chores. When I was about twelve or thirteen she said, 'You've been so good to me these past few years, Would you like me to bless you with a dick like a donkey or a brilliant memory?' Trouble is I can't remember what I chose.
I've just pasted these from an e-mail I rec'd yesterday, so excuse any typing errors!
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A YOUNG schoolboy was auditioning for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his dad.
He was really proud of him and asked: "What part did you get?
He replied that he got the part of a man who had been married for 25 years.
His father congratulated him. And then he said: "That's good son, maybe next time you'll get a talking role!"
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A LARGE, muscular guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are kissing in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.
After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says: "See that, baby? That's 1,000 pounds of dynamite!" She smiles.
The man then drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs: "See those, baby? That's 1,000 pounds of dynamite!"
Finally, he drops his boxers, and after a quick glance, she grabs her handbag and runs screaming to the front door.
He catches her before she is able to leave and asks: "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"
She replies: "With 2,000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"
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Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A. To see his flat mate.
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cont'd/....
Q. HOW do you keep your husband from reading your e-mails?
A. Rename the folder 'Instruction Manuals'.
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A PROFESSOR was asked to give a talk on "Sex".
When his turn came, he stood, walked to the podium and adjusted the microphone just so. He said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure . . ."
And he sat back down.
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WHILE out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.
A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that ?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once."
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Q. WHAT do you get when you put a fish and an elephant together?
A. Swimming trunks.
My pal and I, in the late 60's or early 70's before either of us were married, decided to travel further afield to try a nightclub called 'Up the Junction' in Crewe, a forty mile drive each way.
When we arrived at about 10 pm the queue was quite long, a good sign we thought. when we reached the door we were approached by a doorman who told us we could not be admitted because we were not wearing a tie. We pleaded our case to no avail.
Walking back to the car, feeling rather sheepish and glum, we had a brainwave. In the car was a set of leads for jump-starting the car; 'You wear the red one and I'll wear the black.' said I.
This done we approached the club once more and were politely refused entry. 'Please', we said, 'We've driven 40 miles to get here and it's not as if there's a lot of alternative entertainment.'
'OK you can come in this once.' said the doorman. 'BUT DON'T START ANYTHING.'