yes, things should have been handled differently.....

[Amber-Rose]

...but the fact remains, plans were made, he was to leave his wife and do it properly as kids involved, we would be together, wife found out - screaming and arguing, he got kicked out the house but is back in the spare room and now he has made no contact. Why is this? He was open and honest (?) with me before the sh*t hit the fan. Wife should not have found out but she did, and I just thought as rubbish as it was, he would have used the opportunity to leave her, as he was going to do that anyway..... Should I contact him..?

[marval]

No, just walk away with your dignity

[Amber-Rose]

hurts like hell....

[jackthehat]

He was never really going to leave her........he just thought he was.

When confronted by the reality he buckled and has chosen to stay. Not contacting you will have been a condition imposed by his wife....and he's abiding by it.

Walk away.

[boxtops]

perhaps he wasn't as open and honest as you thought he was... it's a hell of a situation just to walk out of - but he's made his decision.

It will hurt but it's a big lesson, I'm sorry but he wasn't yours to have, he has kids and a wife, they should have been his priority - and are.

move on.

[cathfromsaron]

do you really want a man who could do this to his kids?

[sara3]

a man who strings women along will string women along..

it's harsh, but he was never yours. move on, find someone who is free to give you what you want.

[Sqad]

Difficult decision for him.....wife and kids versus you.

Happens all the time, every day in all parts of the Western world.

The prognosis for the wife and kids is good, but the prognosis for you is poor.

However, all is not lost if this has been a recent event, contact him and say "What is the score?"

The answer will be definitive and you can then put your affair to bed (so to speak ;-)

[Prudie]

In reality cath 1000s of women do. Which is it 'Love conquers all', 'Love is blind' or 'All's fair in love and war'?

[B00]

"Why is this? He was open and honest (?) with me"

lol, course he was.

[Amber-Rose]

Thanks for your replies. He had said the marriage was 'over' for a while, no intimacy, just stayed for the children and just a day or two before wife found out he told me he had told her that they were not working and should separate and she apparentely agreed to that. That is why it hurts, because if that were true, then why has he stayed (i assume he has because I have not heard from him since)

[boxtops]

Better the devil you know, sometimes.... and if they have joint finances etc., it's a hell of a game to untangle it all. You wouldn't be the first to be told the marriage is dead.... but even if it were, it puts a whole different picture on it for the wife to find she's been deceived and lied to. It's not then just a matter of growing apart, it's a matter of unfaithfulness/adultery and disloyalty.

[Amber-Rose]

Butterflytattoo - my ex sent wife all our emails and she read them, that is how she found out. My ex was an ex before this relationship, so no cheating on my part, he was being vindictive and knew my password. Our emails set out our feelings and our plans.
Squad - perhaps next week I will make contact as you suggest and just ask that simple question.
I don't take wife's feelings lightly at all, I just thought we had something.

[Amber-Rose]

Thanks Butterflytattoo, think I'll give men a break for a while. I'll get this one out of my system first.x

[Clanad]

I marvel at the first response to your inquiry, that being "walk away with your diginity".... Call me iconic, but what dignity? Am I the only one that finds the entire affair (pun intended) sordid?

[B00]

Leave the guy alone, you and largely him I guess, have done more than enough damage to his poor wife and kids.

Agree with Clanad.

[craft1948]

Supposing what he said about his marriage being over was true, are you all advocating that he should stay just for the sake of the children?