Help

[Infomaniac]

I feel really pathetic asking this as deep down I know the answer but can anybody at least empathise with a ninny who doesn't know what to do, or where to go, or how to carry on??

[ladyalex]

I expect we have all felt like that at one time or another.

[welshlibranr]

Oh Infomaniac!......what's the problem?.......

[Infomaniac]

And how do you deal with it?

[Mamyalynne]

Oh yes whether it be a time of crisis or a crossroad in your life, the feelings of being at a loss are all too common. Try to evaluate what has happened and what if anything you can do about it. There are many here who will listen if you feel the need to share - I have done so more than once and may need to again.

Mamya ♥

[ladyalex]

Talk the problem over with someone, if you can.
Or write it down, here or elsewhere.

[Mamyalynne]

Hard to give a simple answer, if it is illness seek the help you need. If grief then there are many caring professionals to guide you.

[grasscarp]

Info - we need more info. No need to feel pathetic. This is answerbank. We all want to help you if we can.

[Infomaniac]

I am scared to share too much. My husband is a changed man due to a serious illness which he was unbelieveably lucky to recover from. However blood restriction to his brain has resulted in changes to he personality and behaviour. The experience has change me too and I'm no longer sure what sort of personI am now. I've been trying to deal with this for six years now - its a roller coaster ride - but at the moment I've slumped downto the bottom and don't know if I have the energy or inclinationto even try and move upward again. .

[welshlibranr]

so sad for you Info!......get some help, see your doctor, talk to a good friend too, but get some help!.....must be so hard for you!.......get some help!....

[ladyalex]

I'd say you need to start with a visit to your GP to check you over and hopefully arrange counselling. Talking things through with someone trained to listen and advise can make a huge difference.
Do you know about Headway ? They might give you some help.
http://www.headway.org.uk/home.aspx

[Mamyalynne]

I lost my husband to Brain cancer 3 years ago and I know the effects that changes like that manifest itself, though different in your case of course. Can you get any help through family doctor at all? You surely cannot expect to cope with this unaided.

Does the rest of tha family know?

[Infomaniac]

I don't have much of a family apart from my son, who I don't want to burden with my problems. I tried counselling but it made me worse. All my GP wants to do is give me drugs. Friends are O.K. to a point but all they really want to hear is that I am "fine" even when I'm not. Everyone has their own problems to deal with and I dont' want to burden them with mine.

[grasscarp]

Infomaniac - I can only say well done for carrying on for all these years. I suppose that is what we sign up for with for better and for worse. My husband had strokes but has only suffered physically but not mentally, so I have no real concept of your problems. I can only say that if I could help you I would. very best wishes for the future.

[seadogg]

The idea that someone can be compassionate to a person who doesn't reciprocate it and carry on like this for ever is a myth. Sooner or later fatigue sets in and a feeling of guilt and shame comes with it. A good doctor will see this happening and you certainly need medical help. When the situation eventually destroys you, then you are no longer any use to your sick husband anyway.

[Infomaniac]

Thank you all for your kind comments. You have made me feel less alone. I certainly have a look at "headway".

[welshlibranr]

Oh Info, sure your friends would help!........don't be so independant!....admit that you do need their help!....and go back to the GP and tell them that you don't want drugs, but maybe some counselling would be helpful!.............if you need to be a little pushy, then be pushy!.........usually works!....

[Mamyalynne]

Everyone is so right, I admire your resistance to medical intervention but was the best thing for me when I eventually realised I could not cope despite a loving family and great friends.

One thing I will say and please do not be offended if I am wrong, if there is any violence at all related to his condition it is imperative you get for both of you.

[Mamyalynne]

^^ get help

[ladyalex]

I agree with everyone above,
You cannot carry on like this alone and there is no need to. If counselling made you worse, perhaps it was the wrong time for you or the wrong counsellor....you cannot 'get on with' everyone.
Do have a look at Headway and see if you can hook up with a local branch.
Please try your GP again, or another partner in the practice.

[Infomaniac]

Thank you all, you've been great and certainly lifted by spirits somewhat with your responses. To reassure Mamyalynne - no violence is involved - it is purely psychological and emotional pressures. I guess I must go back to the GP but at my surgery there is no continuity and I hate explaining the situation to someone new. I guess one of my problems is that I come across as supremely confident and capable and I am anything but!!!