Just want an ear, or maybe a few hundred.

[EvianBaby]

Guess this is probably the best place for this.

I don't think I've ever had a panic attack, until now I'm not even sure I believed they existed but I think I'm about to implode.

I've not been doing well since breaking up with my ex and our relationship has been really up and down since, fine with each other one day and doing our best to upset each other the next. I thought I was starting to feel better about things but since the start of the weekend I've been an emotional disaster. We ended up having a huge row yesterday so I've now deleted all his contact details from my phone but next month I've got my b.day, then xmas then new year and the thought of it all is making me utterly miserable. The thought of it all sets me off in tears and I feel like I can't get my breath. I've gone back to barely sleeping and when I do I have messed up dreams. On top of this I'm dreading going to work every day at the moment because it's such a nightmare. Every time the phone rings I just want to burst into tears but it's only a little company and the guys have no idea about how to do my job, although they do understand the difficulties at the moment. I'm trying to pretend to the family that I'm excited about xmas as they are all looking forward to it but I'm secretly dreading the next month, especially as last year was so good.

I know tomorrow I'll regret posting this but I've only really got one of my sisters I can talk to and she has so many of her own problems at the moment she doesn't need me banging on about this. Just wanted to get it out.

[Maydup]

(((Hugs))) for you EvianB. You will feel up and down at the moment so try to take one day at a time and not worry too much about the next few weeks just now.

Allow yourself a bit of the space to not really be yourself at the moment and in time you'll begin to pick up a bit. The pressure we have to be cheerful about b'days otr New Year is immense, but really and truly its just another day and if you spend it in your pyjamas, with a bar of chocolate and a few AB friends, then so be it. You'll be in good company! Give yourself a break and try to rest. Can you take a few days off work? You sound as if you need it.

[tenrec]

Oh, Evian, I hope you feel better in the morning. Things always seem at their worst in the evenings.

[ummmm]

Do you think that deleting his contact details has made you feel worse? Like forcing you to try and draw a line under it....but not being quite ready.

[sherrardk]

Maybe you should stop pretending to everyone, you might feel better for not having to put a sunny face on everything. Hope you feel a bit brighter very soon, x.

[maggiebee]

Sharing is good Evian. Getting it down on paper helps get it out of your system and you won't be judged here. Hope everything works out (((hugs)))

[EvianBaby]

I can't really take any time off Maidup. I had a couple of days of sick a few weeks ago and when I came back in the problems were all still there, there was just 3 days worth of them.

Thing thing is we broke up in July. It wasn't like a week ago, I really should be ok by now.

Maybe Ummmm. But I don't see what else I can do because it seems when I contact him that still ends up with me being upset in some way.

[DTCwordfan]

There's no issue at all about letting it out here, Evian, there are folk on AB 24 hours, so whatever time you will find someone to wail with.

Some good walks and can you get away for the weekend to a pub or something, some good food, new faces and nice walks (or the Xmas shopping in a small country town) could help enormously to help reboot the system....and get some sleep.

As to work, I would have a quiet chat with your boss if he/she is a supportive one.

[ummmm]

July wasn't long ago...time flies and all that. The thing is, if it carries on the way it's going you'll end up hating each other.

He must be in a similar position or he wouldn't be ringing or answering the calls.

Loads of relationships end like this....neither not quite ready to let go and move on. It will happen though...even if it happens slowly.

[EvianBaby]

Thanks for the suggestion DT, I hate doing things on my own and I'm not exactly bursting at the seems with friends so I guess that's something I need to work on.

One of my boss's is my brother so he should be understanding but it's also his business so it's hard when he's trying to keep it running, and relying on me to help.

[woofgang]

There is no "should" about grieving for a loss which is what you are doing. Be as kind and as patient as you can with yourself. Day by day it will pass and you will feel better but right now I really know how you feel and it's horrible. Don't try and pretend about Christmas. It won't help and you will just make it much harder for yourself and your family.

[askyourgran]

I've just heard the exact same thing from my daughter last week, she is a mess at the mo and I can't help much as I'm 200 miles away. I just tell her to hang on in there to think of herself, making herself well, sleeping, having a sensible routine and exercise. She is taking time off at Christmas to be with us, I'll stay with her for a few days if she needs me. Hope you and your sister can share, it helps to have someone close at times like this.

[EvianBaby]

Thanks for all of your answers. I know you are right when you say it takes time, I just didn't think I would still be feeling quite this crappy after this amount of time.

I don't think he'll be getting in touch with me any time soon after yesterday Ummm. Besides which I have a feeling he is now seeing someone else which obviosly doesn't help how I feel. (this would be the second person that I know of since we split).

Think I should probably try and get my head down and stop thinking.

[nungate]

Why not take this weekend (assuming you have no other plans) shut yourself up and have a good old wallow in misery, and get it all out of your system. Then pick yourself up on Monday, give yourself a good talking to -
You will no longer let what's happened get you down, you will move on, and get on with the rest of your life. It's his loss not yours, and you are way too good for him. Meantime, big hugs for you from all here

[ladybirder]

One day soon the pain will be gone .....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jsw_r0hILQ&feature=related

[Old_Geezer]

Sympathy. Time's a great healer, given enough of it. Need to just keep going in the meanwhile.

[ummmm]

Evian....that might be a blessing in disguise. It might not feel like it in the short term....but could save many months of more heartache :-( x

[EvianBaby]

Thanks for all your help and advice last night. I really do appreciate it.

I feel a little calmer this morning although everything is of course still on my mind. I think it's helped to get it all off my chest. xx

[murraymints]

things will get better...try and look ahead not behind...his loss...I had the same thing years ago some bu66er absolutly destroyed me..and 25 years later...yes 25....I got a grovelling letter begging forgiveness and saying what a mistake he had made and was ther anyway etc etc..it took 25 years but that letter gave me the most satisfaction..and closure....I took great delight in shredding it.....

[tastymorsel]

Actually Trigger is bang on there.It might seem horrendous at the time but having absolutely no contact does make it easier even though it doesn't seem like it for a while.Take it from someone who knows it does get better.I feel for you but I know you will overcome this xx