Friend in hospital

[Maydup]

I've been to see a friend in hospital today; she's been in for a couple of months now and will be there over Christmas and beyond.

Here family including a middle aged daughter, will go tomorrow and again mid week next week, but not over Christmas. She says her daughter is really busy and once Christmas is here, likes to be with her own family. Can you imagine having a Mum in hospital at Christmas and not visiting?

[sara3]

no, I think that's horrible.. what a shame. will she get other visitors?

[ummmm]

No, not at all. I'd change Christmas day if need be.

[askyourgran]

Oh that is sad, I would make a point of going especially on Christmas Day.

[daffy654]

I can, but then I don't like my mum (with very good reason).
If it was oh's mum I would happily spend a few hours visiting her though.

[sunny-dave]

No - I commuted 250 mile round trips when my mum was in hospital - including Christmas Day

[LoftyLottie]

Depends on the family. Not all sons and daughters are close to their mothers for various reasons. Never wise to comment on other families - we can't see what goes on behind closed doors.

[sunny-dave]

I agree in principle Lottie, but there comes a point in your life when all the previous crap needs to be forgotten & you get on with being a son/daughter for a while ...

[daffy654]

Dave, I definitely do not agree with your last post. I wouldn't pi$$ on my mother if she were on fire!

[LoftyLottie]

Exactly Daffy.

I found that a lot of my elderly mum's friends were quick to criticise me because I didn't visit her that often. Little did they know what I had had to put up with from my mother or how nasty she had been to me. I used to get into a real state when I visited her because of her nasty tongue.

[sara3]

when my mum broke her leg she was in hospital for weeks. I visited almost every day, even though she was a terrible mother.. which she freely admits.

[Giggsie]

no way! My mum was in hospital last christmas my brother and I left our families and went to visit her. It was an hour away but could not have left alone on xmas day with no visitors.

[LoftyLottie]

I agree Dave, and I did visit my Mum. In fact she lived with me for six months at the end of her life and for the last three weeks of her life in hospital I was at her side constantly. But it is not for others to decide how adult children should behave towards their adults parents.

[Maydup]

I know there's probably stuff that's gone on here, and if she didn't visit at all I'd understand that they don't get on. But to go either side of Christmas when she lives 20 miles away and not go on Christmas Day seems selfish to me. I can't think of a good reason for them not to just call in at least.

[LoftyLottie]

I was at one point advised not to visit my mother because of the effect it was having on my health. That is why I won't criticise how others behave towards their parents.

[Carakeel]

I really could never do that!! I have my 95 yr old mum at home with me, who has dementia and is confined to her bed as she is no longer able to mobilise. Most of the Christmas decorations are in her room and we will make sure that she has a lovely Christmas, with grandchildren visiting her etc. It will all be a bit low key though, as that is the way she would prefer it anyway and my ratter is woring on Christmas day for a few hours. But, no way would I leave her on her own! She is too precious to us!

[sunny-dave]

I hated my father with a vengeance - but eventually at the end of his life it was worth sacrificing some of my pride and time to help him (and more particularly my mum) through his last few weeks.

But everyone is different & I would never presume to imply that anyone is right or wrong - apologies if that's what it came across as.

dave

[maggiebee]

Sounds as if she is not the nicest of people but at the end of the day you only get one mother. An hour out of 24 is not a lot to ask.

[LoftyLottie]

Maidup, your friend will probably have a reasonable time. Hospitals at Christmas are quite cheery places. I wouldn't expect my son to visit me 20 miles away in hospital on Christmas day if he had a family of his own. In fact would tell him not to come. Her daughter visits her which is great, but her daughter should be able to have a day with her own family at Christmas without having to turn out.

[Maydup]

I'm sorry if I opened any old wounds, please lets not fall out over it. I was just feeling sad for my friend, not wishing to pass judgment on anyone.

[daffy654]

If I tell you my mum is a diagnosed psychopath, sociopath and has munchaussen's syndrome by proxy it may go a little way to explaining why I hate her so much without going into too much detail.