Please help me his made a mistake

[holz1688]

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 2 yrs now and he has always wanted to go in the army and he has finally decided to go ahead and do it. The only thing is he has split up with me because he doesn't think it would work because of the distance but  i think it will. How can i make him see he has made a mistake and get him back? please help me.

[Kinsao]

Oh, this is difficult. Maybe, you should suggest to him that you would like to stay friends & keep in touch - make it clear that you're not pushing to stay in a relationship but just want to keep in contact coz you like him as a friend. Then, don't become too pushy/lovesick/etc. but keep a 'normal friend' contact... not sure if I'm making myself clear... But in that way hopefully you stay in touch and maybe he realises that you're still cool friend and there for him and your relationship is still 'living' when he returns from time away...

In fact, I was in reverse of that situation as my boyfriend went away to other side of the world :-( and I said we had to break up to avoid tension of trying the long distance relationship... I thought if he met someone else, he might be hiding it from me and resenting me... and he was the one in position of saying 'let's stay friends' and in fact we still write and he phones me, and he is returning in 4 months and we still have our relationship. So I think maybe it works if one side takes off the pressure a little.

Good luck! :-)

[ICEMANSAV]

My fiancee joined the army and we spent quite some time apart before she decided it was not for her and left to come back home ( she wasn't my fiancee at the time ). All I could do was be supportive and keep in contact, our relationship worked and is stronger for it i believe. I agree with Kinsao it is hard because you have your doubts, but he may feel that you might roam without him there just like you might. If you are honestly in love then your relationship will stand it.

 

Good Luck

[Emily Ball]

Are you sure the relationship hasn't run its natural course and that he isn't trying to end it the kindest way he knows how?

[ursula62]

Tell him you definitely want to stay friends, and ask him if you can write to him - all squaddies love to get letters, especially from young lady friends!

After a few months if things are going well, then suggest to him that you visit him at the barracks. You never know, he might just fall in love with you all over again on seeing you.... (or you might meet a handsome young officer and live happily ever after).

Either way, after 2 years you don't want to lose someone who's been a good friend, so try and stay friends with your ex, it will be worth it.

[Sasha13]

Oh Hun, this must be so hard for you - but I have to be honest. You obviously know each other very well if you've been together for two years - it's not a short term relationship by any stretch of the imagination - and that's why I agree with Emily Ball. If nothing was wrong in the relationship from his point of view, he wouldn't be considering ending it because of the distance thing. It may be that you have to let go. That being said, there is nothing wrong with staying friends, if you can truly maintain a platonic relationship with this guy. One word of warning - going into the army will change him - he may not turn out to be the sort of person you want to be with - I speak from experience, counting two forces chaps among my ex's. In one case especially, he was practically married to the army and the "young free and single" lifestyle - could this be what he is after, as well as a change in career?? What ever happens, be happy, and good luck!! xx

[dmsjps]

Let him go and move on. Do you really want to continue the relationship if he's decided he's marrying the army? You'll either have to be a stay-at-home missus and all that entails (you'll have rules and regulations which are very stringent compared to 'normal' life as well as him), or you'll have to have bits of jobs wherever he's posted and never have a career yourself.

Obviously some women love it because some army marriages do work, but are you one of those? There's not that many old-fashioned women these days who will tolerate playing second-fiddle to somebody's idea of playing at being a super-hero.

Oh, and if marriage (or the equivalent) hasn't even entered the conversations between you after 2 years, then just walk away, really. I know it's hard to believe now, but you'll be glad in the end, when you find someone who wants you as much as you want him - and you will have those feelings again, honest.