When Will You Take Your Christmas Cards...
ChatterBank0 min ago
Punny repeats
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle; he just didn't have the balls to do it.
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab centre that said 'Keep off the Grass'.
I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes
bends.
Police were called to a day-care centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.
A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.
A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.
The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.
I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.
The book of incantations was useless. The author had failed to run a spell check.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.
All the waterfowl kept their eyes closed except for one. He was a Peking Duck.
Have you heard about that online origami store? It folded.
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, "Is the bar tender here?"
Once you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
The Buddhist refused pain-killers during the root canal because he wanted to transcend dental medication.
Rabbits like their beer brewed with a lot of hops.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle; he just didn't have the balls to do it.
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab centre that said 'Keep off the Grass'.
I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes
bends.
Police were called to a day-care centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.
A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.
A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.
The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.
I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.
The book of incantations was useless. The author had failed to run a spell check.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.
All the waterfowl kept their eyes closed except for one. He was a Peking Duck.
Have you heard about that online origami store? It folded.
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, "Is the bar tender here?"
Once you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
The Buddhist refused pain-killers during the root canal because he wanted to transcend dental medication.
Rabbits like their beer brewed with a lot of hops.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Answers
1 to 7 of 7
At the risk of making a tit of myself, I'm going to milk this thread some more! I have devised a whole scenario of puns now... :-) Got home late for a pork roast dinner last night. Unfortunatel
15:58 Wed 29th Feb 2012
At the risk of making a tit of myself, I'm going to milk this thread some more! I have devised a whole scenario of puns now... :-)
Got home late for a pork roast dinner last night. Unfortunately it was for the 3rd day in a row so the wife gave me the cold shoulder. I said "nevermind, i'll heat it up in the microwave. Then she gave me "daggers"! I said "A knife and fork would be easier". After spending nearly a minute thrutching through a kitchen drawer trying to also find something to get rid of the ridiculous amount of gravy she had drenched my food in, I noisily closed the drawer. I guess this was the last straw... She stomped off to the front door and after one more icy stair she was out. "Damn, she'll kill me for not salting the path" I thought. Luckily she came round within seconds and said she was fine apart from her head feeling a bit wooly. So I told her to spin it round and round but that just made things worse. Anyway, I made sure I pampered her the rest of the night (and no, we don't have a weird nappy fetish!) :-)
Got home late for a pork roast dinner last night. Unfortunately it was for the 3rd day in a row so the wife gave me the cold shoulder. I said "nevermind, i'll heat it up in the microwave. Then she gave me "daggers"! I said "A knife and fork would be easier". After spending nearly a minute thrutching through a kitchen drawer trying to also find something to get rid of the ridiculous amount of gravy she had drenched my food in, I noisily closed the drawer. I guess this was the last straw... She stomped off to the front door and after one more icy stair she was out. "Damn, she'll kill me for not salting the path" I thought. Luckily she came round within seconds and said she was fine apart from her head feeling a bit wooly. So I told her to spin it round and round but that just made things worse. Anyway, I made sure I pampered her the rest of the night (and no, we don't have a weird nappy fetish!) :-)
1 to 7 of 7
