Working through a break-up

[Little Lady]

Hi guys,

I am currently working through a break-up with my Ex, we tried a few times to make it work but decided it best to call it a day on Sunday. i haven't felt so lost in a very long time. I was just wondering what you guys had been through and how you got through it. I know time is the great healer and i have to be patient and i know things will get better but i am interested in your views.

Thanks LL

[Scarlett]

You have to see this as a positive thing! Break ups are awful at first, but when you look back on them, years later, you often wonder why you wasted so much time on that person!! At least, in my own experience. I am glad whenever I hear people have split up.. not because I am mean, but because it means a NEW chapter in life, a NEW experience, personally, and maybe opportunities will come along that would not have otherwise. You live and learn. You learn from break ups, you move on, and life becomes that bit more patterened and interesting.

I was sitting on a bench by the sea with my friend the other day- she was drunk and complaining of feeling sick as she hadn't eaten. I reminded her to look at us objectively! In a few years time she will be married with babies, and she may well yearn for the time she was sat by the sea, with me, a bit piddly, having a laugh!!

So, I guess my advice is.. don't worry. It's all part of life's rich tapestry. Get out there and have another experience. Have lots of fun, and write about it in your memoirs. I wish I had had more relationships/flings in my youth; it would have been so much more colourful! Trust yourself that you have done the right thing, and move on to new experiences.

[floss85]

Time is a great healer! I split up with my ex about 3 months ago. Another ex I have split up with, I haven't seen him for a while and it gets easier. But the ex I have recently split with  - I work with. It is a nightmare! I dont even think about him when Im not at work, but as soon as I see him, I want him. Just make sure you give yourself space for a while. See you mates more, go out and have fun. Then maybe one day you and you ex could be friends. But until you feel you are over him, dont see him!

[MargeB]

1) Drink yourself senseless frequently

2) Go for some short term and unfulfilling but exciting physical relationships

You'll wonder why you didn't dump the loser sooner.

You'll get plenty of different sensible advice from do gooders who reject 1 and 2, but deep down they know I'm right.

[floss85]

MargeB has some good advice there with points 1 and 2!!

[JoCannon]

Hey Little lady have a look at this: http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Question112 977.html,

I have no idea why you split up, what happened, if it was amicable or not, but posting my question really helped me. That was 2 weeks ago and it is still really lonely and I feel lost but it is getting better, it is better to be happy alone than miserable together.

MargeB's suggestions certainly do work. Scarlett is also spot on. Surround yourself with friends, and remember you will get there.

Good luck princess. I hope you bounce back, I hope I do too. x

[Little Lady]

Thank you for all your answers, funnily enough i recieved a tex from him when i swithced my mobile on yesterday that he had sent late the night before saying he still thought and cared about me etc and asking how i was. It made me feel really odd. anyway i sent him one bacj telling him not to do this to meor contact me again and that it was making it harder for me to move on and that i was heart broken but will get over it in time. I never got a reply so i think he got the message. I felt awful monday and tuesday, yesterday i felt ok and today i feel abit inbetween but i know this will get easier i have been thourgh break ups before but not felt as attached to them as this one. I will get there no matter what............

[Mistopheles]

Good for you - keeping rehashing things doesn't help. Clean break every time.

I split up with my fiance of 10 years three years ago. Lost the house (I couldn't afford the mortgage so he had it) and my job (we worked together). Was on the verge of doing something stupid many a time. Amazingly, it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I spent some time on my own (never lived alone before and actually rather liked it), got a better job, and am now in a long term relationship with someone I really love - and who loves me.

Advice? Treat yourself to anything you feel like. Slag him off with your friends. Write down everything he did that drove you mad, and look at it when you get the urge to phone him. And try to believe that if it was supposed to work out, it would have done.

Darkest hour is just before dawn and all that...