when will i feel happy again

[barney rubbl]

I lost my darling husband nearly 10 months ago,and cant seem to come to terms with any thing at the moment.Just the everday running of my life sometimes gets too much.I have a loving family,but i dont think its fair to them as they are also grieving for their dad.My late husband was one of the nicest men you could ever meet,he was so kind and thoughtfull,and every time i think of him it makes me so angry.We have a lovely little grandson who is only 18months old so he really didnt get to no his granpops,but his memory is being kept alive by photos and our little one knows his granpops photo.I just wondered how you cope with such a tragic loss.Can anyone help 

[mystress]

Dear Barney,

Yes, there will come a time when you will feel happy again.I cannot tell you when,as it varies according to the circumstances.Please,please don't grieve on your own.You say you family are grieving for their Dad,but it can be so much easier if you "let it out" and grieve together.Anger is part of grieving too,you are angry because your husband has left you, and left you to grieve,and left his family;that is quite normal(the anger that is!)

You can only cope in your own way,not as others tell you to.The main thing to remember is to talk about your Husband,(to anyone who will listen)don't shut him away and bottle the grief up, that way is as if he never exsisted.Please let your family know these feelings( if they don't already) sharing grief can soothe the burden.

Please check out CRUISE on this link:~

http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

They are a Charity solely dedicated to Bereavement,and have centres/counsellors/publications,that will help you.

I shall light a little candle for you tonight,in the hope that my advice will bring you comfort.

[Chillum]

What can I say, other than that was beautifully written and obviously heartfelt. I feel for you.

[Rystan]

How strange I ran across this today. This is my Mother and Father's anniversary, and he died about six years ago of ALS (Lou Gerhig's Disease).

From the perspective of the "child," I can say that you should share your grief with your children. They sound to me as if they are grown, and will understand that you've lost a husband as they've lost a father. My mother also tried to play the martyr and keep a brave face, but this is the wrong way. Your kids will want to share thheir pain with you as well, and if everyone does it together, the healing will be much more smooth.

You have a long road of mourning ahead of you, but be aware of all the wonderful things that still surround you. My wife and I, along with my brothers and their wives, keep my Mom busy with our little ones as much as possible, and those kids have really become the biggest part of her life now. They will never substitute for my Dad, but they remind her of all there is yet to be done.

I really miss my Dad, sometimes more than others. But I'd be REALLY upset if my mother gave up on all of us because of it. Hang in there, you are still very loved, and very, very needed.

[KittyGlitter]

Hi barney, so sorry to hear of your loss. Please don't suffer in silence. I lost my mum and I went to see a counsellor. It really helps to have an outlet for all the emotion and thoughts whirring round your head.

Sometimes friends and family don't say the right things - as andy hughes says, they can be supportive in the beginning but for how long? If you talk to a professional they can really help you see things from another perspective. It's really nice to have a 'safe place' to go to and you talk about whatever you want. The process of making sense of the situation can be useful in the healing process. I managed to find some comfort in knowing that bereavement tends to bring out similar feelings and anxieties in people - there are other people like you out there, just that no one gets to see them. I used to feel so jealous of seeing mothers and daughters together, going shopping or whatever and I would think to myself that no one else in the world is like me. I still feel jealous from time to time, if I am out shopping on my own and I need my mum's opinion on something which I can't have. So please don't suffer in your own head and don't try to put on a brave face if you aren't feeling brave. Just feel how your mind and body are telling you to feel - don't fight it. Good luck, let us know how you choose to deal with what you are going through - even if it's just chatting to folk on this website.

[callisto]

barney .....you really have somefantastic heartfelt answers to your questions, i amon the other side of the coin as a daughter .... ilost my dad from cancer aged 39 i was7 then my step father died 3 years ago . As said in an answer we british do not  dealwell with bereavement but please dont feel alone .... we daughters feelsometimes we too need to talk about dad remembering the happy times butoften bottle up feelings so as not to upset mom.... stay close support one another its early days but i promise you will smile again and you will see happiness in your grandchild growing up ..... lots of love x

[barney rubbl]

i want to thank you all for your help and understanding.In answer to andy hughes you seem to hit all the right buttons,the unfortunate thing is that the people you thought would always be there for you arent.When my lovely husband died everybody we new all said the right things but it didnt last.You are right a few weeks down the line it all faded,and I think that is the worst its the loneliness.Once again I thank you all,you have given me some hope 

[smudge]

barney - I can't really add much more to all the wonderful answers you'd received, but wanted to send you my condolences & love. I do hope you will soon be able to see the wood for the trees & move forward with your family around you. We are all here for you. Take care. -x-

[callisto]

andy hughes......just wanted to say thanks although the words you wrote werent to my question i find myself reading through them every nowand again your answer truly was well written and im sure a comfort to more than one .x