c s a and ex partner

[neil_loves_marie]

csa take £300 p/month out my wages without any hassle but now i feel i need help in not paying on some improper behaviour by my ex or another condition.

i have no problem doing this as its money to support my kids.

i haven't seen them for almost a year as my ex doesn't want me seeing them and access stopped when i lost my job last year and couldn't pay her £50 p/wk.

yesterday was my youngest sons b'day and i sent a family member round friday night with presents and a card as i didn't want the argument.

saturday morning my mom woke up to find my card and gifts unopened left on her bonnet.

i have rang csa to explain why is my gifts/cards etc not good enough but my £300 p/month perfectly ok.

what can i do to get csa to see the real side of her and allow me a bit of leeway on maintenance payments, i feel i shouldn't pay has the return of my gifts without giving them to him is a step too far when i'm having £300 p/month took out my wages.

csa told me on the phone when i rang them that i still have to pay regardless of how i feel about the incident that has happened about what i've put above.

[bednobs]

well i agree with the CSA.
Whether your child gets it's bday present has no bearing on the fact he still has to eat, live somewhere and be clothed and have toys.
If you are unhappy with access arrangements either approach your ex or go thru the courts to get access

[bednobs]

(while still paying maintenance)

[ummmm]

Yep...you need to see a solicitor for access. CSA is about maintenance.

[EDDIE51]

If the mother is determined to stop you having access all the lawyers in the world will not do any good. It will just cost you a fortune and get no result.
We see this story all too often . 'Familys need fathers' are a charity who can give excellent advice on this subject and it is free.

[EDDIE51]

Here is the link, get in contact with them, they are unsurpassed for advice in your situation.
http://www.fnf.org.uk/

[EDDIE51]

Families need Fathers will even provide a lawyer free of charge if nessesary .
But they prefer to help by negotiation if possible, any way phone them and ask advice.

[neil_loves_marie]

EDDIE, cheers for that i will get onto it.

bednobs - Ive been to court once and spent £7,500 to be given access for a year later to have it stopped again.

is it fair i spend this money yet again??? i don't think it is and yes they need to eat and be clothed but if i'm not good enough to see them when the court deems otherwise and i m not good enough for them to have their birthday and xmas stuff I THINK MY MONEY SHOULDN'T BE GOOD ENOUGH.

sorry if i offend you with you being a woman and the law being on your side but its the principle of it.

and i also think if csa come down hard on women like my ex there jobs would be much easier and courts could act on prosecuting criminals rather than sort out access rights..

[ummmm]

I actually agree with you on that count.

Men should pay for their children but if the mother has stopped access for no reason then why should they take the money. It's unfair and unkind.

My opinion obviously depends on the reason access was stopped.

[cathfromsaron]

we *must* give my grandson's dead beat father access after losing a court case and we get no money from him!

sue for access!

but yes you must pay until the court order/CSA order is varied!

[cathfromsaron]

you do not need a solicitor! just fill in the forms and represent yourself ... if she has gone back on the original court order you have your case ready!

[neil_loves_marie]

i have no problem in paying and have never stopped paying apart from when i was made redundant.
i believe kids should be paid for but if the one parent is being spiteful then i believe i shouldn't pay.

a few months ago i saw my sons at a football centre whilst there with my wife and step-daughter.

my eldest asked if he could come to mine and i told him he could come anytime he wanted, my ex then took chocolate and threw it at the 3 of us, started making threats and making lots of racial remarks toward me and my wife kids as we are mixed race.
outside she ran the car at us and started again on us, she then asked both my lads if they wanted to see me and when they said yes she started shouting at them because it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

i know all women aren't like this but the women like shouldn't get the help off csa and should be come down hard on.

she was arrested for this incident and has there were no audio on the cameras she got away with it but had a warning about driving the car at people.

courts can only give access, if she doesn't want to bring them to where she was advised to. she doesn't have to as there is no law in place that says she has to (so im told)

so any woman thinking im the bad one for not wanting to pay i think you need to see the whole picture or hope one day it doesn't happen to your son...

[neil_loves_marie]

ummm

as i say access was stopped as i was made redundant so couldn't give her family member £50 when he dropped them off.

[ummmm]

I don't think anyone would see you as 'bad' more 'frustrated'

Is she remarried?

[bednobs]

"i believe kids should be paid for but if the one parent is being spiteful then i believe i shouldn't pay. "
well talk about a contradiction. If you believe you shouldn't pay, who do you think ought to? Me?
it's all very well for you to say you shouldn't pay for the time she doesn't let you see them, but are you just expecting them to stop eating for that time too?
she is not getting help off of the CSA by the way, she is getting help off of you (or not as the case may be).
She is using the children (witholding access) but you also propose to use the children (witholding maintenace) Neither of you are thinking about the children who should be your first priority. Just because she is being petty doesn't make you right.

[ummmm]

I bet if she thought her money would stop unless he had access she might change her mind.

[boroboy44]

I have been there and done that ,went to court for access only for my ex to slam the door in my face when I went to pick him up on the time the court told her I could have him ,while paying £62 a week maintenance ! But I never stopped trying ,long story ,but he is 21 now and I am going to his passing out parade next week at his uni with my wife ,and he doesn't want his mum to come !! kids grow up and they don't forget ,,,all I no is that I have tried to be a good dad ,i wish my ex would realize that she has not been the best mum she could of been ,,sadly now she doesnt think so ,but that life

[bednobs]

you see ummm, that's where i get cross. The dad is using his kids welfare as a way to get what he wants, and it's not the right way to do it. The mum is also behaving shockingly, but like i said, just because she's doing it all wrong doesn't make the dad doing it wrong, right

[neil_loves_marie]

she is money motivated, i know the money i give her just goes on a night out which if thats what she wants to do is fine by me, but at least let me have them for that night.

i have been fair by paying each month and not seeing them.

the final straw as i say was yesterday when his b'day present and card come back with my name crossed out.

if she doesn't want me to be a dad why have my money!!!

this isn't about the money but "principles" and if i have to stop paying and go sick from work or whatever i need to do to be heard then thats what i'll have to do.

even though i have 2 jobs as i'm trying to support my wife and her 3 kids also aswell has give them a nice home which we've recently moved into.

[bednobs]

it may be about the "principles" but YOUR children can't eat principles can they?
If you stop paying, the csa will just get an attachment of earnings order. If you leave your job to avoid paying, then who is going to support your wifes kids? (me again i guess!)

[neil_loves_marie]

so what you're saying is pay for my kids regardless of how i get treated and just get walked over.

spoken like a true woman!!!

she works and her new b/f works so its not like they will need the money and its probably ok to bring a childs gift back without them seeing it either!!!