ChatterBank0 min ago
husband forgot anniversary- again
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And i don't feel cross. Just very very sad. He always does it and it's a bit of a joke( although i do find it hard to laugh inside. But this time, i think I've had enough.
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yes dt - but i didn't even get that either. i would have been over the moon to receive one of his drawings and a nice poem....but he is so unromantic, sometimes i think his heart has turned to stone. it's also not about giving under duress. i have cared for and loved him unquestionably for 20 years - all his foibles included. but to reach 20 years and zilch.....leads to one unhappy woman (and you boys don't like having that going on in the house!) x
A nice card and a bunch of flowers works wonders, I don't even read the verse in the card, but ladies seem to like this sort of thing, so anything for a quiet life, how can a lady moan about no decorating being done, when you have just remembered a birthday or an anniversary, they are funny creatures but we love them just the same
I have lived for 41 (nearly) years with a very unromantic man in the sense of flowers and cards and words and poetry, etc. At the end of the day all that stuff means very little in my opinion. I wouldn't have been with him in the first place if he was a romantic person - it would have driven me mad.
I know lcg, or well I can half appreciate.
Don't know where you are based but here's a thought....
why not a long weekend away in a nice pub or inn (or whatever according to budgets) for you both at the end of October when hopefully you get those nice crisp days or, failing that, some roaring log fires and a few drinks out of normal hours, no kids - and then talk this through with him, re the missing romance. It wouldn't be surprising if he is bottling his feelings for you up - we do that frequently, we men, to our cost..........it's a question of catalysing something "out of the ordinary routine" and, yes, you may need to trigger things, I know.
Don't know where you are based but here's a thought....
why not a long weekend away in a nice pub or inn (or whatever according to budgets) for you both at the end of October when hopefully you get those nice crisp days or, failing that, some roaring log fires and a few drinks out of normal hours, no kids - and then talk this through with him, re the missing romance. It wouldn't be surprising if he is bottling his feelings for you up - we do that frequently, we men, to our cost..........it's a question of catalysing something "out of the ordinary routine" and, yes, you may need to trigger things, I know.
would be nice, dt, but he absolutely would not enjoy travelling, stating somewhere strange and not knowing where he is (it really makes him anxious, paranoid and angry/snappy). so, knowing i can't do things like that, the little cards on our birthdays and anniversaries mean so much (i have kept every single one over the last 20 years). seeing as it was a bit of a landmark one, i also thought he would make an effort for me. i do so much for him and our 19 yr old son (who is still at home while at uni) that i just feel forgotten, taken advantage of and completely unappreciated. i love him (and that won't change because of his illness and the damaged person that he is) but feel that nobody even cares if i am here or not.
I think that it is, ré a generalisation, Lottie. But then who am I to assess that? - my experience is that it takes two to tango. I think your comment may be more accurate 15 to 20 years ago but now a-days....I have no statistical evidence to back that up, just a perception, so willing to be machine-gunned down on this.
Have you kept the cards etc in a scrap book, lcg? Perhaps leave it out for him to see and then realise that it is not "up to date".
It is a tricky situation that you have and I can't really comment, except that we men do have a major problem in bottling our emotions in and my top-level distant guess is that he does appreciate you, and has just lost/forgotten that you need some tacit recognition and support too, well from time to time.
It is a tricky situation that you have and I can't really comment, except that we men do have a major problem in bottling our emotions in and my top-level distant guess is that he does appreciate you, and has just lost/forgotten that you need some tacit recognition and support too, well from time to time.
When Mic and I moved house over 20 years ago we had a large suitcase of cards. Birthday, Valentines etc. We binned them and vowed to each other never to buy another card, and we never have. You don't need a card to express your love. That should be done every day in the things you do for each other.
well there is that animalistic theory (Men are from Mars or Brain Sex) that men are conditioned to leave thier "mark" as wide as possible and women are far more loyal to the one mate concept. Never mind all the variants of this generalism, is it possible that women are becoming more predatorial.....? Controversial yes.
Personally, I would want just the one mate - how Muslim men can have four wives (and there are exemptions for more), who knows? - and that is despite all the so-called equality to all arguments. They must be mad! lol.
Personally, I would want just the one mate - how Muslim men can have four wives (and there are exemptions for more), who knows? - and that is despite all the so-called equality to all arguments. They must be mad! lol.
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