So don't fit into my family

[888sally888]

My dad died 8 years ago and we were really close and very alike. The more years pass, the more I realise I have nothing in common with my mother or sister and I find it so hard.

Does anyne esle feel like this?

[ummmm]

Yes but I just accept it.

[sherrardk]

Yes, some my parents divorced when I was six. I was constantly told I was exactly like my father, inferring that she didn't want me around either. I am now 43 and ok about it.

[ummmm]

Must add....my Mother is a lovely person.

[888sally888]

I just struggle with the emotional manipulation - nightmare.

[ummmm]

How old are you?

[Gavmacp]

You mention emotional manipulation by whom?

[andy-hughes]

I never fitted in with my family.

Growing up, I realised that my dad didn't like me at all. he may have loved me, but he didn't like me, I was not the son he wanted in any way, so our relationship consisted of constant bullying, belittling, violence, and strained silences.

My mum tried to over-compensate by favouring me over my older sisters, which created resentment that lasts to this day.

My parents split when I was twenty-four, I never saw or heard from my dad and he is now dead.

I see my mum very occasionally, and ring her very occasionally, we have nothing at all to say to each other, and we pretend that i am not estranged from my sisters whom I never see or speak to.

The good thing is, I have been fiercely determined that my children would not think of me the way i think of both my parents, and thanks to that, they don't.

We are close, and I continue to affirm them as good people even though they all have children of their own - it is vital to make children feel valubale, and who can value themif not their parents?

Philip Larkin's The Be the Verse says it all - not quotable on here though!!

[ladybirder]

I understand sally, have felt the same for much of my life but I don't dwell on it. Nothing I can or want to do now.

[Gavmacp]

Well put Andy.

[daffy654]

The best thing I ever did was break contact with my mum and 3 of my 6 siblings.

[888sally888]

I am 48 - my sister is 51 and a selfish self centered ex alcoholic. My dad was amazing and we were like peas in a pod.

I feel I can never do enough and fell out with my sister AGAIN as she didnt help mum move or do much at all after her hip operation.

Mum moved next door to me almost 2 years ago and seems to exoect me to go round every day. She has lots of friends and is quite busy. I have 4 daughters and a v busy time having just moved 2 of them and take one back to uni. I also work.

And another issue is the dreaded Christmas approachin - hate the falseness of it all grrrr

[888sally888]

Great verse Andy!

[andy-hughes]

Apologies - it is entitled This Be the Verse - and it does sum it all up very nicely.

[Smowball]

Yes I do know exactly how you feel.

[EvianBaby]

I fit in to my family more than either of my parents do.

[888sally888]

It sure does - read it a couple of times now.

Mum even posted a card to me last night full of emotional bribery about making amends with my sister before she dies (she isnt even ill btw)

[rowanwitch]

It's very common as a child I so wished I'd been adopted so I'd have a reason for feeling I didn't belong. Only with time and distance I have discovered I actually like my sister... Mum is another matter as I will never be the daughter she wanted...

[888sally888]

Arent families complex? I wouldnt choose to be friends with my sister if I had just bumped into her throughout my life. I would have found her so selfish and self centered.

[rowanwitch]

I didn't like mine when we were younger but we both changed

[888sally888]

At 48 and 51 I feel there is no hope!