More aliens ...
Two aliens landed in Liverpool near an abandoned petrol station. They approached one of the petrol pumps, and one of them said to it "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The petrol pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response.
The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the petrol pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!"
The other alien shouted to his comrade "No, you mustn't anger him...!" - but before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 yards into the Mersey, where they landed in with a splash.
When they finally swam ashore, the one who fired turned to the other one and said "What a ferocious creature. It nearly killed us! But, how did you know it was so dangerous?"
The other alien answered "If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy, it's that if a bloke has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick into his own ear, don't mess with him!"