All my own fault....

[admarlow]

Recently I have been starting stupid arguements with my girlfriend over nothing, and end up saying things I don't mean. It happened last weekend and we almost broke up. I promised to do something about it, but never really got around to sorting it out. This weekend I did it again, and she said during the arguement that she doesn't want to be with me anymore dispite loving me. Sice then I have made some steps to stopping myself from doing this again, but does anyone know how I could tell her this, and try to make it up to her?

[jno]

Are you quite sure you want to? 'Saying things you don't mean' sometimes just involves accidentally getting words muddled, but it can also imply saying something you do mean but would normally stop yourself saying. If that's what it is in your case - and your gf probably suspects it is - then perhaps your subconscious is trying to tell you something. The fact that it happens a lot does suggest you've got some sort of inner conflict about her. Does 'stopping it from happening again' just mean that you're trying harder to suppress what you really think of her? If so perhaps you really need to sort out what you do think of her and why you want her.

Sorry if I've read this completely wrong and not answered your question properly.

[admarlow]

I DEFINATLY dont mean the things I say to her and Im now talking to someone about the problem, I just need to know the best way to show her im serious about stopping it. thankyou .

[jno]

okay then, if she isn't refusing to talk to you completely, then tell her what you've just said - that you're taking it so seriously you're into counselling (if that's what it is). She may be a bit dubious since she's heard it before, so make it clear that you are actively doing something. Maybe even put it in writing rather than just saying it. Perhaps ask if she can give you a week, say, to work on it - you won't get in touch with her until you think you'll have reformed to her satisfaction; that will give her something to look forward to as well. It does seem she has grounds for complaint... but it's to your credit that you recognise the problem and are doing something about it, and that may encourage her not to break up prematurely.

[admarlow]

cheers jno I recon we are going to be cool.