Scared And Reluctant To Go To Church?

[PinkLavender]

My family are devoted Christians, but I struggle with it too much and don't want part in the religion. Of course, my parents give me no choice in this. Tomorrow they're supposed to be baptized. Me and my brother have to go whether we want to or not. The problem is, Churches scare me. I'm afraid that if I go to one I will get some sort of panic attack or just burst out crying in the middle of it all. I really don't want to go, but my parents are giving me absolutely not choice in the matter.

I also can't tell my parents about my feelings on Christianity, because I once told them I had no interest and they shrugged, telling me I still had no choice going to church or taking part in "church-related activities".

I have brought up that pressuring me into this might push me further away from the religion, but they still don't care.

Anyway, I am SO stressed out about tomorrow and already I cannot stop crying at the thought of going to church.

What do I do?

[2sp_]

How old are you?

[PinkLavender]

I am 17 years old.

[Eve]

I was going to ask the same question, how old are you?

Can you specify your fears about going to church? Are there certain things or people who you are particularly scared of?

[pastafreak]

I was going to ask the same. If you are over 16 (in the UK)-then you are old enough to make your own choices/decisions. Though my opinion is that no one should be forced to go to church if they do not want to-no matter what their age.

[boxtops]

what panics you about it, pink? Can you not just sit at the back?

I'm unclear why your parents are being baptised if they are long-standing Christians. Which branch of the church do they follow?

[Eve]

Sorry, another question, what kind of church is it? More of your tradition type or more of a evangelical ministry kind of church which tends to be a lot more full on?

[Eve]

That was my thought boxtops, sounds a bit more evangelical ministry to me and they can be pretty full on and intimidating, especially for someone who doesn't want to be there. Adult baptism could mean they were just never christened or for more of a rebirth into the church, finding religion at a later stage maybe, born again Christians as such.

[rsvp]

You are old enough to take control of your own life - if anything worries you and you aren't comfortable with it you don't have to do it. Having said that I do realise you may be being subjected to influences regarding your accommodation, schooling etc. It's a pity you left it so late to ask for some advice here.

[2sp_]

At 17 I would say that you are old enough to make up your own mind about religion.

If you were to calmly talk to your parents and present a mature and reasonable explanation as to why you don't feel the same as they do about their religion, how do you think they would react?

You could even say that you feel that you are being disrespectful to them and their beliefs by holding up a pretence.

[Eve]

From reading the original post, do you go to church with your parents regularly?

Tomorrow will be more difficult given it is seen as an important event for your parents in their Christian lives.

How does your brother feel about this? Would he understand and be able to support you through tomorrow? Are you able to get out to any shops to pick up anything like Kalms tablets or Bachs Rescue Remedy? Bit late now though if you drive you may be able to get them at large supermarkets or late opening chemists.

[PinkLavender]

Eve. :

I only attend church with my parents on Sundays and I spend most of it getting so worked up that I cry afterwards, get dizzy and nauseous. My dad says it's God "working with me". It's not.

My brother is reluctant, but it doesn't bother him that much. Sadly he is only fourteen and does not understand my reason (mostly because it stems from early childhood and on and he would not understand it at all), so he would be sympathetic when I feel "sick" in church, but he would not think too much of it. Sadly, I cannot get out and buy anything to calm me down, because it's way too late for me to get out now and we're leaving around 7 AM tomorrow.

Basically, I just need to know how to calm myself down during this situation.

[woofgang]

Tell them that you aren't going.

[Tilly2]

If there is a candle in the church, just focus on that and all will be well.

[DaisyNonna]

What would happen if you just refused to go?

[modeller]

I'm an atheist and view any religion which causes the distress you are describing as disgusting and it is not applying the so called Christian Principles it preaches .
If your parents are genuine Christians they would not be treating you in that way. However extremists are like that, all you can do is to look upon it as a big joke. Look at them and say to yourself what idiots they are. Think of it as one big giggle . That is the way to treat extremism.
You will soon be able to make your own life don't let them spoil it. Take some chocolates with you whilst you are listening to all their rubbish.

[2sp_]

If you really can't face it, I would be inclined to fake illness tonight and say you are too sick to go tomorrow.

A bit underhand, but it would be a solution in the short term.

Then you could try to have a chat with them about your feelings on Church. Do you have a relative or family friend that you could talk to that might help you talk to your parents?

[sara3]

I could only deal with this with humour. they've attended your school meetings/plays, etc.. now you're going to attend this affair. return the favour.

it's a building, don't worry about the rest of it. as you get older you can go or not go.. it's just late in the day to create a situation about tomorrow.

there are plenty of non-believers, and we've not been struck by lightning :o)

[ummmm]

I really enjoyed the last mass I went to. It was in Ireland, the priest seemed to be in a rush, I decided to count how many times he looked up, it was once!! I also think he only took one breath.

The downside was mass was at 8pm on a Saturday night.....

[wardlaw]

I'm with modeller.
I had to suffer years of the same when I was growing up. No matter how much I protested my anally retentive father insisted more and more to the point of taking the dog's leash to me until I shut up.
Fortunately I did not foist his "Christian" values on my Children or grandchildren and they have been left to make up their own minds.
In my opinion your parents are acting in a completely un-Christian manner Do unto others etc...
I wish you well.
If you can, let them read some of these replies.

[Eve]

Trouble is that won't wash with the staunch evangelicals, especially those who would feel and/or be made to feel like they had failed if a child of theirs did not attend (I won't say believe as I think some faith and religion can be incompatible).