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My Mum
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I feel like im beginning to not like my mum very much. It's a problem for me.
I think she is rude mannered, hard, and mean sometimes.
I am in my early 30's. My mum has been single for many many years, she doesn't have lots of friends, and I am an only child who lives in a different country from her.
She makes no effort to go and meet people and I'm worried she will be alone all the rest of her life, and she will be my responsibility, and I feel she owes it to herself , but also me, to get out there and meet people, i dont like feeling bad and guilty for living my life simply because she will not join groups, or befriend anyone and is lonely. I feel bad for her.
She also burps all the time, and i find it rude and bad manners.
She is always on about death, and illnesses, and it makes me panic and worry and I get stressed about it. My dad died 2 years ago and this was a very sudden shock, (my mum and dad were not together) .
She has a very hard attitude to things. Conversations of death and illnesses, judgmental about people from the past. She also uses bad language sometimes (all this is only with me, shes quite pleasant to other people she meets, you would never know). She has cut her phone off because its too expensive, and also the internet, and now we have no way of communicating apart from over text messages. It's doing my head in. I feel stressed out by her, and irritated and in i wish she would be more civilized, less hard, and make friends with people. She is a really lovely person, cheerful, colourful, good fun, when she meets people they all like her, but she just cant seem to make friends. It bothers me. She also doesnt drink alcohol, so it makes it harder for her to meet people as she doesnt hangout in bars and stuff.
I feel there is no answer for this question. I feel this is a way of life. I wish she would soften up and stop being so bloody defensive all the time and meet people and go places with people. Rant rant rant. Please, I love my mum, i really do, but i cant handle her, i wish my dad was still here and Id be able to talk to him about it. x
I think she is rude mannered, hard, and mean sometimes.
I am in my early 30's. My mum has been single for many many years, she doesn't have lots of friends, and I am an only child who lives in a different country from her.
She makes no effort to go and meet people and I'm worried she will be alone all the rest of her life, and she will be my responsibility, and I feel she owes it to herself , but also me, to get out there and meet people, i dont like feeling bad and guilty for living my life simply because she will not join groups, or befriend anyone and is lonely. I feel bad for her.
She also burps all the time, and i find it rude and bad manners.
She is always on about death, and illnesses, and it makes me panic and worry and I get stressed about it. My dad died 2 years ago and this was a very sudden shock, (my mum and dad were not together) .
She has a very hard attitude to things. Conversations of death and illnesses, judgmental about people from the past. She also uses bad language sometimes (all this is only with me, shes quite pleasant to other people she meets, you would never know). She has cut her phone off because its too expensive, and also the internet, and now we have no way of communicating apart from over text messages. It's doing my head in. I feel stressed out by her, and irritated and in i wish she would be more civilized, less hard, and make friends with people. She is a really lovely person, cheerful, colourful, good fun, when she meets people they all like her, but she just cant seem to make friends. It bothers me. She also doesnt drink alcohol, so it makes it harder for her to meet people as she doesnt hangout in bars and stuff.
I feel there is no answer for this question. I feel this is a way of life. I wish she would soften up and stop being so bloody defensive all the time and meet people and go places with people. Rant rant rant. Please, I love my mum, i really do, but i cant handle her, i wish my dad was still here and Id be able to talk to him about it. x
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You need to love her unconditionally, she shouldn't have to change and do things you think she should. I'm not suggesting she's happy, but she is her own person and she sounds to me as if she's being defensive rather than anything else. since you live in two different countries I can't see that this ought to affect you very much unless you are afraid of her getting old and frail and then feeling as if you should be looking after her. she is her own person and you are yours, just get on with your life and enjoy yourself and leave her to do as she wishes.
I guess if you're in your early 30's your mum is in her fifties? Its a difficult age as hormones are changing and sometimes woman reevaluate their lives and often times this includes ridding people from their social circle. What is she being defensive about? is it you constantly badgering her to 'get a life'? Not everyone needs friends you know, some people are quite happy to keep themselves to themselves. The shock of losing your Dad has probably made her think about her own mortality, hence she is dwelling on Death. Cut her some slack and leave her alone, that would be my advice.
Cocacolaaa,
I can sympathise with you.
Although my mum and dad have been married for more than 60 yrs and still going my mum was very much like you discribe your mum.
She was mean spirited and, to us kids a least, quite nasty. She was judgemental and oppinionated to such an extent that we were not allowed to have a differing opinion to her and as mean as hell and angry all the time. She was like this well into her 50s and eventually dad said she had to change or he would leave.
In the end it turned out she had depression and after going on the 'happy pills' she became the mum she should have been all those years ago. She isn't perfect and slips in her attitude now and then but she is so much better that we actually get on now.
So after all that I would just suggest she think about talking to someone about how she feels.
I can sympathise with you.
Although my mum and dad have been married for more than 60 yrs and still going my mum was very much like you discribe your mum.
She was mean spirited and, to us kids a least, quite nasty. She was judgemental and oppinionated to such an extent that we were not allowed to have a differing opinion to her and as mean as hell and angry all the time. She was like this well into her 50s and eventually dad said she had to change or he would leave.
In the end it turned out she had depression and after going on the 'happy pills' she became the mum she should have been all those years ago. She isn't perfect and slips in her attitude now and then but she is so much better that we actually get on now.
So after all that I would just suggest she think about talking to someone about how she feels.
maybe you could have a chat with her GP, explain she is getting worse/is no better in spite of her meds, she may need a bit more help.
I do sympathise with you, I never got on with my mum at all, even when she was dying she told me that they didn't want me "your father only wanted a boy" and she felt she had let him down.
I do sympathise with you, I never got on with my mum at all, even when she was dying she told me that they didn't want me "your father only wanted a boy" and she felt she had let him down.
This may sound blunt but having been at my mother's beck and call for 25 years including 4 with dementia ican relate to your position.
motheres have this way of manipulating their children .Following daily visits (as she is also widowed) have recently been cutting it down to twice a week .and feel better for it.
She has been going over the local church for lunched andd afternoon speaker. It is not a religioous thing and she always comes back cheerful. Perhaps you could suggest sonething along these lines?
motheres have this way of manipulating their children .Following daily visits (as she is also widowed) have recently been cutting it down to twice a week .and feel better for it.
She has been going over the local church for lunched andd afternoon speaker. It is not a religioous thing and she always comes back cheerful. Perhaps you could suggest sonething along these lines?
